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Louise hasn't asked for our Board 20 roll call yet, but it's probably time to do it again. I was thinking that maybe it would be fun to pass some adoption related "survey" type questions around this time and maybe learn some things about each other that we didn't already know. What do you all think?

Here's the questions for anyone who wants to play:

1. How did you find this board, and which board was the group on when you first joined in?

2. Has this board been with you through your entire placement process?

3. How has adoption/ the process/ the adoption community changed your life?

4. For people who have already gotten a placement, what's one word of advise you have for those still waiting? For those who are still waiting, what is one question you have for those who already have their child home?

-SusanC

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1. How did you find this board, and which board was the group on when you first joined in?

I found this board about a year ago, when my husband and I were first starting the process of adopting an older child. At the time, we were inquiring about girls ages 8-12 and were frustrated that we weren't getting anyone to call us back. It was Board #8 back then, and Pam put up a post about black boys over 6 who needed homes.

2. Has this board been with you through your entire placement process?

Yes.

3. How has adoption/ the process/ the adoption community changed your life?

Always for the better! Adoption has helped me to see that there are children in the world desperately waiting for what I have to give - which is love, security and permanancy. The process has taught me patience. The community has taught me that there are some really awesome people in this world, and has given me several role models from among you.

4. For people who have already gotten a placement, what's one word of advise you have for those still waiting? For those who are still waiting, what is one question you have for those who already have their child home?

My advise would be to never forget that, in spite of whatever issues your children have, they are STILL simply children. Don't get caught up in labeling and defining your child to the point that you miss the unique and wonderful blessing that they are.

-SusanC.

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Originally Posted By Pam

Me, 48, adopted six kids and had one biological son. Homemaker who thinks it's best not to work while you have kids (at least unless a family member can help out).

Tom, car mechanic and manager of his store, 45, adopted the youngest four with me....others were from a previous marriage.

Mark, almost 24, biological, lives with his father in Illinois (still), likes his job, his car, girls, and is kind of a computer geek. Smart kid, on the shy side. Very handsome.

Scott, 24 last week, lives in Illinois, Senior Computer Analyst...youngest one in his department, very very bright, sociable, mannerable...adopted from Hong Kong at age 6...lived in an orphanage.

Julie, 17, very pretty, creative, unique and a blooming social liberal (she can't tolerate intolerance!). Wants to go to school for cosmetology, nail tech, make up and also to be a masseuse (probably spelled wrong) possibly specializing in treatment of fibromyalgia (also possibley spelled wrong). Adopted at five months old from Korea. These three kids are all from my first marriage.

Lucas, just turned 8, was the first child Tom and I adopted. He was supposed to be retarded, FAS/FAE, autistic, hyperactive, etc. The only thing still up for discussion at this point is hyperactivity as he recently tested 70% in reading and in the average range for all else. Neat kid; hard worker. He was an Illinois foster/adopt. He is African-American and cute as a button.

NIcole came next, now age 5, adopted privately thru a lawyer in Illinois. She has no special needs and the adoption is an open one. Her heritage is bi-racial. Nicole came into our family because we had just had to give up a foster baby to her auntie, and it was a devestating loss. I remember sniffling, "I need one now that I can keep." We never fostered again. Nicole is bi-racial and very beautiful, smart, and mischievious. She can be a tattle tale and is very spoiled.

Raphael came next, as a ten year old African-American boy from New Jersey. Apparently, he was having trouble getting placed and nobdy knew why, since much more problematic kids were being placed in front of him. He was not supposed to have behavioral problems, just mild mental retardation, which we could accept. We got him. Guess what? He has severe learning disabilities, but is not mentally retarded *gasp of shock*! He has a great sense of humor, but DOES have a temper at times. He is a wonderful young man, loaded with good qualities and charactor and on the way to being a wonderful man. I worry about his academics since he is behind. He is being homeschooled, with his brothers Lucas and Rayon.

Rayon, age 8 3/4, came here on April 28th. He is adoreble. He can also be quite sober and depressed, but he is also extremely cuddly and affectionate (although we were told he wasn't demonstrative). I just started homeschooling him and am appalled at how far behind he is, mainly because nobody mentioned it. We were told that he is at grade level. Har, har, har. It's going to take some time. We are still getting used to each other, and it gets better every day.

Any other kids pending? Hard to say. We are carefully considering the hardest to place kids....boys of any race from 12-16. Depends on if the right kids pops up at the right time.

We are various animals with special needs (hyperactivity, neurosis, etc)

In one month we move to 23 acres in the country...yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

So this is the story here. Oh, yes, we live in mid-Wisconsin, and, yes, a few other people live around here too!

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Originally Posted By Pam

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Originally Posted By barki

Let's see: Dh, (43) me (Barki, 34), dd (8) and ds (3). We finalized our son's adoption in July. We are going to the agency tomorrow to look at waiting child bulletins to begin our 2nd adoption journey.

Let's see -- I think I came in on Board #2 or #3. The board has helped in understanding what is "normal" for the adoption process. The information available has be a real boon. And not just the adoption info, either! LOL

The board has been part of the majority of our pre- and post placement process, and on into our finalization and 2nd pre-placement process! )

My advice for those waiting for a match is to try to relax and not to put all your eggs in one basket. As in: don't focus totally on one child at a time, you get too emotionally tied in and you may not be matched. It's better to inquire about several children at a time if you can.

I also totally agree with Susan about the children being "just children" and not to focus solely on the labels that they have. Johnny may have ADHD, but he's JOHNNY first. He has a condition that needs treatment, but the condition is not who he is. (Although sometimes I know it sure seems that way!)

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Originally Posted By Jerry

Let's see, first you won't get anyones name but mine. DW and I are Pam's age!!!LOL!!!, no really we're the same age!!!
We count 6 children. Our oldest birth daughter was 19 when we lost her in an auto accident. Our Son is now almost 21 (watch out Panama City)! Our fd (who lives on her own and still insists we're her parents) will be 18 in a few weeks. Then we read Rumplestillskin for a few years............Our newest children have been with us almost a month. 8 yo girl, almost 7 yo girl, and 4 yo boy and we will hope to finalize in March of 2002.

Okay, Mrs C what was the first question............oh yeah. I think I've been reading this board about as long as barki (I think we both started at board 2). We have been reading the board throughout the whole process. Has it helped. Oh yes without question!!!!!!!! There's some very gifted parents here!!

For those still waiting or just starting. The waiting is terrible, but please endure and don't rush! You are looking for a "match" for your family, and it will be forever. It's in gods time not yours. Know yourself, your weakness' and your strengths...........AND consider your families strengths and weakness. Lastly, and this has been debated before, I stand firm about NOT disrupting birth order. It has worked for some, but I would strongly advise against it.

So, thanks Susan for getting us started.

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When I read that you were "various animals with special needs (hyperactivity, neurosis, etc.)" I was thinking, wow - what a poetic, united and accepting way to talk of your family. I was trying to figure a way to steal the thought and slip it into one of my articles. It didn't even strike me as funny until you corrected yourself, but now I can't quit laughing!



-SusanC.

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We have me, dh, ds 10 yrs., and dd 9 yrs., the dog 8, the cat 10, the rat 3+ (way beyond normal life expectancy), the stable guinea pig and the traumasized guinea pig both about 2. We are various animals.

1) I found this board after we got a computer and I could surf the web at home instead of risking my job. I was desperate for help with a difficult situation at the time. I didn't post much but just found myself on board #9. I couldn't find my first post. 2) I wish I had this board during our 2 adoptions. It would likely have made a tremendous difference. It has helped me ever since to heal and grow. 3) The whole process has made my dreams come true and filled my life with joy beyond what I could have imagined. It has also sent me to the brink of despair and forced dh and me to become different and hopefully better people than we were. 4) I would say don't rush, it is for the rest of your life and enjoy the process as much as possible. Somehow everything makes sense in the end. Thanks Susan, that was fun!

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My family includes me, dh and an 8 yr old son, adopted just before he turned 4. Also have 3 adult step children and 3 beautiful grandchildren. I feel so envious when I read the postings on all of your beautiful/big families. My dream too, but unfortunatley not so for dh.

I found this site when you were on board 18. Found it through a link to our therapists site, who also has a board here for older children/behavioral issues.

I wish I had this resource when we started the process, but have only joined the internet age a few months ago. But sure would have love to have you guys to turn to when my kiddo was turning my world upside down. But the sun is rising again!!!

He's been successfully treated for Reactive Attachment Disorder, meds are working well for mild bipolar. Started with an awesome OT this summer for sensory integration and still fighting with the school to get them to address central auditory needs (I'll post later on some good sites I have found for school/education law).

I tend to be pretty quiet on this board, just jump in to visit when I have time. Between full time work, traveling 2 1/2 hours for all my son's therapies and now working part time on my MSW - have to cut back on my time crusing the sites! Thanks for being here. Dimas Mom

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Originally Posted By louise

for the opportunity of introductions and some great questions to boot! We are:
Louise 37,
Pat 44,
Alison 15, bio,
Joshua 13, adopted,
Alex 12, bio,
Kyle 12, bio,
Kirstie 11, adopted,
Olivia 10, adopted,
Ben 7, adopted,
and FD 13, with us only 8 days so far.

3 dogs, 5 cats, a bunny!

I started reading the boards around #3/#4. Only started posting (I think) around #8/#9. Wasn't sure I would have anything worthwhile to share.

I work with Graham (the moderator) supporting families in crisis. Part-time and mostly from home. The majority of our adopted children have come home to us from disrupted adoptions and this seems to be an area of parenting that we are becoming somewhat specialized with. This is my passion and vocation in life.

I do not have words of wisdom regarding the process except to listen to your heart, your God, your own inner wisdom.

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I'm so excited - Here goes... DH(31)Deputy Sheriff, Me(31) Pediatric nurse, 2 DD (6 and almost 8) from Mississippi

3 Dogs, 1 hamster (adopted last week), and about to adopt a cat!!

DH says I must be hormonal 4 years post Hysterectomy!!! Now I want a 8-12 y/o boy!!! It was easier to get the hamster - which DH un affectionately calls - THE RAT with a grimace.

*Beginning stages of process and I have been around since board 18 - I felt at home with my first post - Great to know how caring ya'll are.

*I am extremely lucky to have quit my 50 hr a week (on call 24/7) corporate nursing position last November = Now I am a peds/postpartum nurse - 1-2 nights a week (I choose the nights.)

*DH and I coach our girls soccer team, I assist the childrens director at church - poss about to take it over totally!

*Very active with Special Olympics - local, state, and national, levels (DH was the law enforcement officer from our state chosen to go to Alaska last Feb to run the Torch for public awareness the week before the World Games! - We loved Alaska and esp the celebrity status! Going to Hawaii next fall for fund raising conference and poss to Dublin, Ireland in 2003 for summer world games) (I'm pretty proud of him!!)

*My 6y/o is in the process of being tested for ADD and poss learning disorders (Oops she just fell asleep - I have to keep her up until 2 am and get here up at 5 am - EEG in am!)

Obviously, I need much wisdom and support(LOL). Sorry so long - I felt it was time to share about us...

Melissa

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Originally Posted By Mike

Just kidding! This is Mike. I'm a 31 yo single Dad in Northern Indiana. My 12 yo came to me this summer from Ohio and we're having a ball! We also have Jake (the 165 pound puppy), Oscar the parrot, a turtle, and a tank of fish. In addition, we seem to be the "home away from home" for my neighbors 20-odd chickens. (One of these days, I'm gonna strangle that rooster if he keeps crowing at 6am!!!)

I found this Board in january of 2000 (I don't remember the number). I started positng in April, 2000. This Board has been with me through the entire process. Through this Board, I've gotten good advice as well as made several friends.

Adoption has definitely changed my life for the better. While I am very successful professionally, I never realized how dull my life was until my kid showed up. I'm learning some interesting things: a kid will never remember to do his homework without prodding but WILL remember the slightest off-hand comment about possibly going to the movies one week after the comment was made; adding one 12yo to the household will not double your laundry, it will increase it EXPONENTIALLY; etc.

My advice to those waiting for a placement is two-fold: don't give up and be your own advocate. I almost gave up a few months ago when things looked bleak, but ended up sticking it out and made it. I also did much of my own legwork in searching for a placement. Most workers (including my own Super-Worker) are so BUSY that they don't have time to search for placments. I learned a lot by doing much of it myself.

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Hi, I'm Kathy, DH is Joe, 46, have 3 bio kids, DS, 27; DD 25, DS,20 and he is still at home, going to college. Two older are married. We've been to classes, most of paper work is done, started to remodel house, got a shoddy contractor, and now two years later, still can't proceed with home study. We plan to do school age kids, hope for sibling group. I grew up with as many adopted cousins as bio cousins. Have known the adoption route to family since I was age 4. Also grew up with large families of foster children. Some were great placements, others were nightmare families where children should never have lived. DH is a rural mail man,I teach SPED, work with BD, LD, MI, and TBI and this year I am adding autism. I have also done Severe and Profound. We live in rural WV, about an hour from Pittsburgh. PA not too far out, but surrounded by farms. We have to re-take our classes, and this time DS 20 plans to go with us. He also reads the board. I've been reading since board #1, found this while searching for photolistings, we are more involved with children who have dysfunctional lives in our own community; my biggest question is how best to integrate any new children into our rather WASP area. Not any easy answer.

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Originally Posted By Deana

Deana,29, DH 29, Bio sons Dakota,8, Zackariah,5, Joshua,3, New daughters Adrien, 12, Rebecca, 9,and Kiera, 8.
We started the adoption process in Aug. 99, our girls were placed on Aug. 25th, 2001. I did all of the searching myself and sent out tons of homestudies , never focused just on one or two kids.
I started reading the board about the time that Susan was meeting Demario for the first time. This board has helped alot. Hearing all of your experiences help and this is going to sound bad but sometimes when we are having a bad day and then I read the board and someones having worse problems I realize our problems aren't so bad.
We had several possible adoptive placements fall through and 7 foster kids who have all moved on and it gets really discouraging but eventually I think it all wotks out. We are still adjusting and I'm sure we have a long way to go but I think it will turn out good.