[greenrobin]

The shortened version is that TPR trial got postponed and mom got visits reinstated, albeit highly supervised.

This coincided with the start of Head Start.

Where shall I begin?

All of the crazy, out of control behaviors had diminished to the distant past, until visits started. Today took the cake. He kicked another child in the tummy, threatened the computer with a stick, threw chairs around the room, told the teacher no on several occassions. In general, he behaved just like he did a year ago. What puzzles me is that there were apparently no consequences of any meaning for this behavior.

He is also, apparently, a bigot. He only ever gets verbally ugly with the AA teacher.

He's begun hurting the pets again. He's also developed the charming habit of breaking the glass on family pictures. Food is becoming an issue again.

We are back at the beginning--and we'd come so far.

The therapist is recommending cutting visits to once a month.

Right now I'm listening to the end of the hour long scream fest that began with me doing something I never thought I'd do--I grounded him from church! He kept screaming and demanding and I kept ignoring him.

I think he might be getting the message now.

He's nearly 5. I know he's hurting or he wouldn't be acting this way.

I've tried loving him up and finding good parts of his day to congratulate him on. It worked before mom was back, but no more. I've tried consequencing him for his behaviors away from home, but that's a total bust. He understands the cause and effect, but it's too removed from school. The school is nearly useless. We told them what he needed--firm and consistent and loving authority, but the teacher looked at us like, "Evil foster parents!"

I am not evil. I love this child and am waiting for TPR so I can KEEP him forever.

Help. Please!

[lucyjoy]

Seems he is a tad angry. Who is supervising visits? Could mom have told him he's going back to live with her?

He likely has some conflicted loyalty issues going on and at his age, he doesn't have the words he needs for this so you get-crazy man.

Can you help him find a way to get his anger out? Maybe let him know that you see he is very angry and that using his words would be a good idea. Even have him repeat "I am really mad" if need be.

Sadly, while this delay and change is going on, you are going to have to let some of this work itself out. Consequence the behavior, acknowledge the feelings and hope things get resolved quickly.

I'm a big fan a rocking chair time with mom for really angry kids.

[greenrobin]

Angry is right.

We do the rocking chair thing nightly, and daily, and whenever we find our booties in a chair that rocks! Maybe I need to get a little more planned rocking in, too.

Thanks.

[Peggy]

I would try to get something more physically tiring for him to do. I would have my daughter run around the house, or rip up old phone books. not as consequences, but just as a way to burn off energy and create a mood change.