[Tudu]

I am so tired of being screamed at, kicked, hit, scratched, and shoved down the stairs! I can take it most days with little or no positive feedback but there are just days when I want to scream, "Can't you just get over this?", knowing full well it is not possible.

I have one that is threatening to tell her teacher I am mean to her. That really gets me. How the heck am I mean? I adore them, I volunteer in their class, I give them all my attention from the minute they come in from school, I take them swimming, to the park, and to the library, I hug and kiss them a million times a day, they barely have a chore, I am patient with their homework, and I cook them lovely dinners nightly. What do I get in return? Abused and threatened. Sure there is the occasional moment of kindness from them but I usually pay for it in blood, sweat, and tears when they freak out later for no reason that is visible to a sane person.

It seems that every step forward for them is too scary so they have to teach me a lesson. I see progress, huge progress if I look back over the last 2 years. I know we are going somewhere, they are having feelings besides anger, they confide in me about their past, and we can go places without injuries. I think the biggest problem is dealing with their automatic fight or flight response to things and their complete lack of ability to read emotions. They react as if their lives depend on their ability to defend themselves against me when all I have really done is ask if they picked up their toys. No matter how hard we work on this it doesn't get better. I am exhausted.

[Lorraine123]

They react as if their lives depend on their ability to defend themselves against me when all I have really done is ask if they picked up their toys.

You hit the nail on head right there. They believe that their life does depend on it. I know that doesn't make it easier when you are being abused. Hugs to you. You have done a lot for those kids. You are a great mom. Hopefully they will realize it some day.

[lucyjoy]

What, this isn't your dream life?! It is exhausting and the threats to tell people how mean we are do hurt.

Sounds like you need to run away from home and recharge(like molefest in Oct for instance). If you can't run away, try earlier bedtimes or quiet room/nap time-whatever to give yourself a little extra time to just deal with what YOU want to do.

It's hard with multiple kids to find a way to get any kind of breaks. If you can't-just act crazy. Sing show tunes or sit down in the middle of a kids tantrum and play barbies-trust me-crazy mom behavior is the greatest tantrum distractor. Speak softly with a strong accent when you feel like yelling.

Then there's crick's magic chocolates if all else fails.

[Jo Ellen]

I agree with lucyjoy.... you would be surprised at how quickly you gain your children's attention when you do something totally unexpected. One thing I used to do when my children would be this way is to go where they are playing and just sit there and not say a thing. Before I knew it they would calm down and ask what I was doing. I would tell them nothing and they would ask if I was okay and I would tell them I am now that they quit behaving as they were. I also taught school and for those children who misbehaved everytime I would stop and be quiet so did they.

[athikers]

Nothing to add... my one Radlet was hard for me to deal with and you have a collection. You are one strong woman from where I'm sitting.

[aMarylandfamily]

While ds here (16) isn't RAD he still has a tendency to explode with his mouth and the slamming of doors when getting told NO and that seems brutal to me somedays and then I read all that others go through and am in awe of your continued commitment and dedication despite your inner thought of "get me outta here".

Keep venting and posting -the support here is behind you and can help!

[SAHmom]

Hugs sent your way!

[scandi]

Tudo, I know exactly where you are coming from. The past 2 days have been that exactly. WE have good days sometimes but it seems that someone always has to finish the night out in not a good way. I have heard that "I am going to tell, I am going to call the police" Thankfully they have never done it. But I know about the exhaustion that comes with the threats and the abuse. I am trying to figure out how to combat that as it is coming out other places too and I am sure not making me a great person to be around.

If you ever want to chat more pm me because I definitely know what you are going thru and am also doing it right now. It is nice to know that someone else out there can understand.

I also vote for recharge. I am doing that in Sept for a weekend courtesy of a co-worker and her husband who gave me 100$ to help me out. I told her today what I was going to do with the money and she was so happy to hear that I was going to do it.

I just hope that there are no interruptions and that things don't get so out of control for my dad. I worry about that sometimes. He is not a spring chicken anymore. MORE for the exhaustive side of this parenting thing.

[qs mom]

Fight or flight is a difficult thing to 'unlearn'.

In kindergarten, my son could walk into a room and withing 5 minutes knew who he could control, who he could manipulate, who he needed to be nice too (because they were bigger, or stronger, or couldn't be controlled by him) knew every exit and escape route to that exit. He was 5.

He is now 8. He isn't as vigilant. I actually just realized it myself last week. He does know the way out and he does figure out who he can control and will gravitate to them quickly to start the manipulating.

It's a trust issue and a control issue. They need to trust you, but they don't realize it. They think they need to control you.

Get some down time. Do something for YOU! For me, sometimes (call me crazy) I go outside with my son, let him jump on the trampoline, I sit in my car and listen to my Christian music. My Christian music helps to center me. You need to find what centers you.

BUT, and a BIG BUT is that I only have 1 child. It's easy for me to say what to do.