[Bippette]

He says he's going to stop by the house tomorrow night for a while. But we may not be here.

He missed his cancer doctor's appointment in May and never rescheduled. He finally called his gpa today. Gpa asked where he was living and he just said "around". Which I assume means that he's mooching off people again.

He's got a full ride to our local community college if he'd just go. But he told gpa that he thinks he'll go to a Technical College instead to learn how to make airplane parts. He's quit going to rehab.

I keep trying to remind myself that he wasn't doing any better while he was living with us. It's just hard not to worry about him.

He still continues to send text messages to Coach, but not to me. I have not sent him any more texts.

[aMarylandfamily]

Watching your posts - knowing how hard it is not to know - prayers stay with him and all of you too!

Keep us posted - and keep posting - we are all here for you!

[waited2long]

Try to think about how good it is that he is keeping in touch with Couch. That does mean something. He does want to stay in touch with your family. Give it more time, I think he'll come around.

I am sorry he is slacking on the other important things though and I hope he realizes that he needs to be his own man and take responsibility for himself soon.

[AmyAnne]

HUGS BIppette. I know how hard this must be. I hear your concern and worry and frustration.

[lucyjoy]

My kids tend to contact my dh when they need a connection but aren't in a place where they want their hearts touch. They tend to be more emotionally invested with me and when they are leaving home, it hurts to talk to me, I think. It's harder for kids who haven't been with our families forever to break away to adulthood. They don't know how to stay connected and be somewhere else. Not sure if that makes sense, I'm not very good at explaining it.

C is my oldest-just turned 25. He left home with no warning, no notice, ran off while we were at church one morning. There'd been no fights, no arguements-he just needed to go. He was 3 months shy of high school graduation and almost 19. He came by once for about 20 min to tell me he didn't hate me. I didn't see him or know where he was for 2 years. It was so hard. He never finished high school. He tends to cycle where he spends a few weeks with us then disappears for a few months. I knew where he was, though, until 2 months ago when he apparently went to New York to "fix his life". My sons keep track of him somewhat through my space.

Sorry you are hurting. This is something, I think that some kids just need to go through. My other's that left home usually called within a few months and have stayed in touch. Hopefully, your son won't take too long to figure things out for himself.

[stevenstwin]

I'm so sorry. Believe me, I know where you're at. The latest on mine is that he currently has a 21% in school, he is skipping about 3 days per week, still doesn't have a job, drinking heavily, and very, very angry and hostile with me (which is really so very hard to take since it doesn't make any sense. He was all loving and normal one day, and then like a light switch turned off all of a sudden acting like he hates me). Our school principal thinks he is on drugs because he is so "wired" and jittery - but I've seen that before. Although drugs are certainly a possibility, I see the 'affect' as being exactly what he was like when he was not in counselling and not on risperdal, and living every day out of control and on the edge. The worst part - the very WORST part - is knowing that he is acting exactly like the uncle who raised him. This man turned his back on the rest of his family and never made contact again (except to occasionally send hateful drunken emails). SOO...although I tell myself that Austin will eventually "come around" I think that it is entirely possible he'll follow his beloved uncle's example and permanently cut off everyone healthy who cares about him.

[Bippette]

Thanks for the responses. It helps to hear from people who understand. Stevenstwin - I too am getting concerned that he might not be "Okay"...might not turn his life around...and that's depressing.

Lucy - That does make sense.

I hope he'll come by tonight, as I think I'll be able to tell alot more about what's going on with him when I see him in person. But I'm really not expecting him to show.

That's a historical thing for him....he SAYS he wants to do family things with us...and he's sure about it....but when the actual time comes to participate he suddenly comes up with a good excuse not to do so. He's afraid of it, I think.

[Lorraine123]

I think that the fact that he is keeping in touch with your husband means that he wants a connection. When my oldest son left home, even though he wouldn't talk to me for a while, I sent him text messages every couple of days. They were very short - I love you or I'm thinking about you. It was important to me for him to know that I was always here.

[karenw]

I too feel the sadness in your voice. Kids with trauma backgrounds really have "different" brain chemistry that makes it hard to heal. Even after years of support, the fear and anxiety may not go away. I know "regular" kids go through the need for independence, but most of the time it is less dramatic and done in a more healthy way. Totally feel for you!!!
Karen

[Bippette]

Well he cancelled again. He's taking someone else's shift at work tonight to make extra money. But he said he'll have dinner with us on Sunday. I predicted it. I think he'll do it one more time before he actually comes.

[kay]

I'm sorry he's flaking. But on the positive side, he is in communication, so he's still keeping that link intact. Hugs to you, and I hope Sunday works out. (Will this be a Father's Day gathering?)