[ajjhmf]

Hi all,

I haven't been around much. First the computer crashed. Then life crashed. I figured the title was appropriate since I've been MIA for a while now.

Anyway, I'll give a more thorough update on everyone in a few minutes, but first I need some serious help with J.

J started out the school year doing great, and ended with circling the drain.

We had a med meltdown in February and discovered the Straterra he was on triggered a serious depression. After a series of hits and misses, we finally have him on Wellbutrin. It SEEMS to be working on the anxiety...we'll work on the impulsiveness next. Our p-doc is doing all of this because the first appointment we could get with the psych is late Sept.

Anyway, throughout all of this, J's behavior has taken a nose dive. I'm seriously questioning whether he has EVER been attached to us at all. The only this that seems to stop him from breaking rules is getting caught. He's stealing food from his sibling hands, hording toys again and doing everything he can to sabotage our day. He knows right from wrong, but only applies it if someone is looking. I'm SO scared for his future right now.

He's also back to his screaming fits. The ones he only does around Andy and me, but controls around everyone else. I finally told him that for everyone he did, I took away an 8yo privilege and gave him a 2yo privilege in exchange. Yesterday he had to nap and play supervised with toys I selected. It takes 24 hours of good behavior to get back one privilege. So far he hasn't managed. It's going to be a very long summer.

We have very scheduled summer day with chores and schoolwork in the morning and the afternoon is determined by his morning behavior. Evenings are generally taken up with either Tang Soo Do or baseball. I feel like a drill sergeant.

Oh, add to everything that his behavior with his peers has become so obnoxious that NO ONE wants to play with him. There are 24 kids on our court and only one family (4 kids, 3rd thru K) plays with him. But they are so scheduled that he only sees that for 'free' play time 2-3 times a week for 30 minutes at a time. And then only if he's allowed. None of the kids in his class or even their siblings who were so found of him in years past want to be around him. Heck, even H and M are getting sick of him.

Sunday, I had to remove him from Sunday school for his behavior (I was teaching) and his friends at church asked him to leave them alone because he was so obsessed with talking about his dad's motorcycle.

He starts with our new therapist later this month.

So, here is my latest dilemma. We had planned J's 9th birthday party for tomorrow night. The plan is to take the kids to see Kungfu Panda then have a sleepover. Only 1 kid we invited has said they will come. The way he is acting, I REALLY don't want to do this for him. I can't decide if I'm just reacting out of anger over his behavior. Yesterday was so bad I was on the verge of tears most of the afternoon and evening. We still have the family party planned for Saturday with the grandparents, so he would still get a birthday celebration, but playing referee for his kid party has me contemplating large amounts of alcohol.

HELP! I'm drowning here.

Thanks,
Jenny

[kay]

Jenny,
It's good to see you back, but I'm so sorry J is having such major problems again! Would it be possible, for the birthday, to scale it back to just the movie (and maybe dessert afterwards, depending on behavior), and scrap the overnight? Thinking of you . . .

[aMarylandfamily]

Kay and I were on the same page - don't cancel the event in its entirety as you set this up to be his b-day celebration and he needs to be able to trust your word - as to the extent of the celebration - that can be modified (reduced to move and desert as Kay mentioned) -

Is there any possibility that his "symptoms" which overlap those of add/adhd with anxiety could be onset bi-polar - if so, the medications for add/adhd (i.e. Strattera) would only make the symptoms more severe and if bi-polar is "onset" the cycling that accompanies the manic and then depression could be drawn out - thus such a good period of behavior/situations earlier this year and a return to previously exhibited situations. Hoping some of that makes sense. Onset bi-polar is very difficult to diagnose in children this age plus the onset is exactly what it means and it may be recurring but still developing. The new therapist may be able to shed more light in this area and address it but will be cautious to put the "label" on him due to the long-term effects on him as an individual and an adult.

Sorry you are going through this - having had bi-polar foster and adoptive placements I can empathize with your frustrations - many here have experienced these cycles and can offer suggestions, advice and more than anything which helped me over and over at times they didn't even know they were helping was the support and encouragement to stay strong - so keep posting!

[lucyjoy]

I wouldn't do the party as it doesn't sound like he can handle it.

While it is a pain, you might want to look at the biomedical diet stuff. I got desperate with S and just the few changes we've made in what he eats has made a huge difference. It might be worth looking at.

We cut out foods with corn syrup, corn itself, most bread, and packaged junk food/processed food. He eats natural peanut butter, fruit, meat without the bread and lots of fresh fruit and veggies.(ranch dressing has corn syrup so if he dips veggies you'll need to look for stuff without it).

It really hasn't been that hard and he hasn't noticed. It might be worth looking into if it gains you some peace.

Good luck

[Bippette]

I agree with Kay that it sounds alot like the symptoms my son had with onset BiPolar. He just turned 10. After six months, we finally have his somewhat back in control after trying several different kinds of meds.

Are there any strings you can pull to get him to a Psych right away?

I know they didn't take me seriously about my son until he tried to strangle himself with a hoodie at school one day.

Hugs!!!

[ajjhmf]

Early onset bi-polar... really?

[Lorraine123]

Jenny, I thought the same thing while reading your post. As said above, early onset bi-polar is difficult to diagnose in children and it mimics many other things. I would ask about it.

Oh - and good to see you back!!!!!

[Lylac]

Great to see you girlie!!! I'm sorry that things have been rough with J No advice, just ditto'n waht everyone else said.

[Kansas Girl]

nothing to add but a

Fran

[Jensboys]

Jenny -- all that sounds like our E at 9 (and I think I too cancelled a birthday party if I remember correctly).

For us, Risperadol has been a life saver. Its dealt with lots of the impulsivity and certainly controlled the emotional outburts to a great extent.

We also research early onset bi-polar but found that he didnt meet those criterea.

[Barksum]

Glad to see you, Jenny. Will be praying for you. I've been mostly not here, as well, so thought you must be posting when I wasn't around. No suggestions beyond (((hugs))) and to hang in there.

[taramayrn]

Originally Posted by Jensboys

Jenny -- all that sounds like our E at 9 (and I think I too cancelled a birthday party if I remember correctly).

For us, Risperadol has been a life saver. Its dealt with lots of the impulsivity and certainly controlled the emotional outburts to a great extent.

We also research early onset bi-polar but found that he didnt meet those criterea.

Sorry to jump in here, but Jen did you also modify E's diet with some success in addition to medications, or am I just making that up in my pregnancy induced psychosis?

[ajjhmf]

Andy and I are thinking the diet idea will be a great help. For us and him as it will get all those 'bad' food out of the house and hopefully help his behavior and we might actually lose some of the weight we've put on recently. We'll have to get it out since J is a food sneaker. The downside is I just went to Sam's and bought a summer's worth of easy pool snacks. I wonder if they will take back what we haven't opened?

I'm reading about bi-polar and some of it is J and some isn't. It's hard to tell so hopefuly the therapist will give us some ideas. As for getting into the psych earlier...I wish. We made that appointment in April. The need is just too high here and the aren't enough in practice. As it is we're seeing a resident in the clinic at Children's Hospital. If I want an attending or someone in private practice, the wait is at a year.

We decided to tone down the birthday party and drop the sleep over. I talked to a friend from church who kind of understands J's social struggles and her two boys are coming now as well. So it will be us, H and 4 boys to see Kung Fu Panda then back here for cake until the parent pick them up. This way I keep my word and can still be hitting the Vino by 10pm.

I had a friend remind me that my subsidy respite money cover's day camp, so I'm seeing what I can still get him into this summer at the Y. That will atleast give me a much needed break until we figure this out.

That's for all the advice and support. I'm sorry I've been gone for so long.

[Jensboys]

Tara - yes we eliminated processed sugar completely as well. It was a huge help that we noticed within a couple days