[Bippette]

He's 18 and now he's graduated. We'd told him that we'd be alot stricter now that he'd graduated. That he could continue to stay with us and go to college, but that it would be a privledge. He just continued to break rules, and the kicker was that he would not take a UA for us.

So we gave him a week to find a new place. It really hurts and its hard to practice tough love. But the thing I keep telling myself is that he's going to go to JAIL if he doesn't fix his ways. He sees a Probation office in two weeks...how's he going to pass the UA then?

He's very angry at us and isn't answering phone calls or text messages right now. I don't know if he ever will. I let him know that I wasn't throwing him out of the family...that it was just time for him to move out and fly on his own.

I know this is the right thing to do, but still its hard. I don't think kicking him out is going to get him to grow up....I think he'll just take a horrible nosedive. But I've done all that I can for him. Kicking him out probably won't work...but letting him stay wasn't working either

[lucyjoy]

It is hard to watch them mess up and hard to ask them to go. I think you are doing the right thing, both for him and for your other kids.

If he is going to live in other people's houses, he needs to follow the rules for that house. While he may nosedive in the beginning, he seems to have a good survival instinct and he'll pull himself back up.

You gave him a safe place to stay, a family to share with and some tools for adulthood-time for him to find his own way.

[Bippette]

I hate it that he's "punishing" me with his silence. I don't know if he will ever come back or not. Sigh.

[aspenhall]

let him know that where he sleeps doesn't affect your love and support....that he doesn't need to be under your roof to get help or advice.

[kay]

You're doing the right thing, and I can only imagine how hard it is! I may very well be in the same situation next March. Your J needs to learn that he can indeed make his own house rules - in his own house! I hope that you hear from him sooner rather than later, that his learning experience isn't too painful, and that he does learn!!
Hugs to you.

[Kansas Girl]

I know it's tough.....


Fran

[skirbo]

Hugs. Having to do that had to be hard, since I had to tell M today that no, she couldn't come live here as a non-relative placement. I even had to get hardnosed and tell her that her ferrets couldn't leave until she paid me the money she owed me for the cage.

I feel you.

Sarah

[Lorraine123]

Tough love got its name because it is TOUGH. One of the toughest things I have ever done. Its very hard to sit back and watch them make choices that we know are bad. But, unfortunately, thats what we have to do. Hugs to you. I've been there.

[lovemy6]

Originally Posted by Bippette

I hate it that he's "punishing" me with his silence. I don't know if he will ever come back or not. Sigh.

In a similar situation, only my son, who's been with us since age 12, made the decision to leave four weeks ago tomorrow (but who is counting ). I told him he was grounded until he was caught up in school. He told me he was 18 and in control of his life. Then didn't come back. He was going to school SOME days. Not enough. He cut last Monday and didn't take one of his finals. He failed the class by one percent and is now not going to graduate on Saturday

He won't answer my calls. He won't return my emails. This is what I get for 7 years of love and devotion. 1 1/2 years of them were going to RTC EVERY week for family therapy. Our family is a royal joke

The pain is more than it would have been had he been my bio son. I CHOSE to be his mother. Now he's thrown me away like a bag of trash

[Bippette]

LoveMy6.....I SO understand, and I'm SO sorry. I'm hoping they come back to us some day.

[momraine]

I don't think he is punishing you, I think he is punishing himself, by not talking to the only people who have ever really cared about him. He knows he blew it and so he will punish himself. He really is not thinking about punishing you, he is thinking about himself.

[AmyAnne]

Hugs and deepest sympathies to LoveMy6 and BIppette both!

You're good moms. Both of you. Do not let your child's bad behavior take away from that. Since they cannot do this, I will

THANK YOU for not being enablers. THANK YOU for making your children accountable for their actions. And THANK YOU for giving them a loving Mom that one day they will appreciate.

[mrsred]

offering prayers for both bippette and lovemy6

[Original Mike]

I have not heard a word from M since he moved out three weeks ago. I still cannot figure out why he moved out. he just came home from a friend's house at 11pm at night, announced he was moving out, packed his stuff, and left. He wouldn't even talk about it.

At first, I was devastated. There had been no inkling, no warnings. All of my friends are at a loss for an explaination, though I think he has moved in with his jailbait girlfriend and her mom (her mom is 36 and is "dating" one of M's 17yo friends).

Now, a strange sense of acceptance is starting to set in. While I am still hurt, I go about my business. I will still accept foster placements from our agency (after a month or so), but I will never adopt again. It's just not worth it.

As hard as it is now, Bip, try to keep yourself moving forward. if he chooses to contact you, that's a good thing. If he doesn't, its his loss.

[MomwithFive]

I agree, you are both great moms, noone can take that away from you. I hope you both hear soon but if not I hope it's because they are realizing that they have to be responsible for their actions, and can then call. (((Hugs)))