[arkansas parent]

I wanted to get your opion on something that happened at preschool. There is a little boy (not my son) who has told other children that he will be their buddy if they touch his pee pee. T told me about it on Friday. I went to talk to the teacher and she acts like T is lying. She said if it was true she would have known about it. (The little boy is very sneaking and makes sure he dosn't get caught). She then said if it did happen it was just normal little boy behavior. (She believes they were just mooning each other not touching).
I am very distrubed by this. After talking to the teacher I went in the class and cleared out T's cubby. He will not be going back.
T said it happened on 2 or 3 different occasions. T has been getting in a lot of trouble at school lately. He went for months rarely even having a time-out. Then in the past 3 weeks the teacher has called me several times to complain about T's behavior. At least one time involved him and this little boy hitting each other. T was made to go to the back of the line and he got "emotional".
This explains why his behavoir has gotten so bad at school. And why he has started talking about his foster home. (he was abused there). T has been tought good touch bad touch. He didn't understand it was wrong if it was a litte kid. Even if it was normal kid stuff T seen it as something else . I am just sick. I sent him to school and told him his teacher was there to keep him safe and to teach him. Then this happens. . I will be spending a lot of time reteaching good touch, bad touch.

[Kansas Girl]

I don't know much about parenting younger kids, but I find this very concerning.....with the sneakiness and the "I'll be your friend if" it sounds like the little boy has been abused himself and is acting out what he has seen/been through. I think that goes beyond the realm of normal exploration, and most kids even that age ought to know that doing something like that out in public or among people other than family is not OK. Sounds like you're doing the right thing, especially if your AS has been abused. If I had a child that age I wouldn't leave him/her in that situation.

Fran

[Suziebearhugs]

You might consider filing an official complaint with the school.

It is sad that the teacher isn't taking this seriously and calling your child a liar. Kids don't just come up with "I'll be your friend if you touch my pee pee" on their own. Even if it is "normal" childhood behaviour it deserves someone looking into it and being aware of it. If the teacher isn't willing to...then maybe talk to the principle about it.

[arkansas parent]

The preschool doesn't have a principle. The teacher is the director of the preschool. It is based out of a different town so maybe someone there could look into it.
I'm afraid the teacher is judging T based on some things I told her. I told her at the begining of the year that T can be manipultive (sp?). And that he will do negative things to get attetion. She has seen these behaviors. He would break a rule just so the teacher will spend time with him telling him why he shouldn't do whatever he had done. And then give him a big hug and tell him how special he is. I warned her not to do this, but she said "well doesn't he deserve attention." It didn't take her long to figure out what I was talking about. But this is something I am confident he is telling the truth about. He has NEVER lied about abuse. It is also very easy to tell when he is lies. He is not very good at it.

[TxMom65]

I would be upset at that behavior as both a parent and a teacher. ANY complaint by a parent should be investigated. Any by a child should be, what am I saying.

[shelly b]

As a preschool teacher or childcare provider doesn't she have the legal responsability to look into this and possibly notify the DHS office? The possibility that this poor child may being abused at home and no one is looking into it is terrible. Also what about the other innocent children at the preschool who may not be brave enough to talk to their parents? Too many people could really be effected by this.

[arkansas parent]

She is supose to be contacting me so I can pick up the rest of T's stuff (pictures). I'm going to ask if she told the kid's parents. Even if this kid has not been abused. He needs to be tought not to do it anymore.

[waited2long]

I think you should report it to somebody. Either the local police or DCFS, or both.
I agree that it sounds like the child has been taught this by an adult and therefore likely abused. He needs help and the school doesn't seem to care.
I hope T is okay and this doesn't cloud his memories of school.

[marythemom]

Body exploration is actually common with 4-5 year olds. That said, it is the teacher's job to prevent this from happening and/or address this. It also must be reported to whoever licenses your childcare center (they are legally required to be licensed and in TX any problems with not following Minimum Standards - goes on a school's permanent record which is available online). If it were me and I felt the school was not going to report it - I would call the child abuse hotline and report it immediately.

Mary
mom to T(9), K(11.75), H(13), and D(14.75)

[qs mom]

I agree that this should be reported.

I got to daycare to pick up my son, to find him and 3 other boys naked from the waist down in a play house outside.

Of course, my son got the blame. But these 2 of these 3 boys knew how to manipulate my son to get him to do things to get in trouble. One was the owner's son. All 4 boys did get in trouble.

I now kick myself for not reporting this. I worry about 1 of the boys now. We've crossed paths with him a time or two since. In Scouts, he kept grabbing my son in the crotch. I had tried and tried to get it across to my son that he should NEVER, EVER allow anyone to do that to him - including Dylan. Q just couldn't get the concept. He kept saying "but Dylan's my friend, he isn't trying to hurt me". So, I saw it happen and I punished my son for not telling him to stop. That was the only way to get the point across to Q. Well, in the parking lot at Scouts, Dylan grabbed at Q's crotch, Q shoved him so hard, he knocked him on his butt and then kicked him and told him not to touch him again!

The scary part is, that I had yelled at Dylan about this previously and discussed it with his grandmother, whom he lives with. Grandma stated that she has talked with him about it before and will talk to him again. A predator in the making.

[lucyjoy]

Kids this age do explore in this manner. Yes, his parent should be notified and the teacher handled it badly, but this is NOT something I would hotline or report.

[lucmarmic]

As a former preschool teacher, I am surprised the teacher didn't take this seriously. The thing to do is to report it. When a parent has concerns with a child regardless of whose child it is, I document the incident, and will talk to the parents. In this case, I would document the incident and I would report it to the authorities. There is normal curiousty at this age, but this incident goes beyond the normal curiousty. "I'll be your Friend" sound like he is hearing this from someone else and is being abused. PLEASE REPORT this as soon as possible. Don't wait for the teacher to do it, because she doesn't sound like she is there for ALL her children.

[lucyjoy]

"I'll be your friend if" is a common early childhood phrase.
And body exploration and "sharing" is normal childhood development. They need to be taught not to do it so it IS important parents be informed. I think the leap from this to abuse is a big leap. Is it possible? Anything is, but I wouldn't report based on the information supplied here.

[arkansas parent]

The teacher called to see how were are. She said "I talked to "H" parents and we all agreed "H' couldn't have said it. He has a speech problem and it is hard for anyone to understand what he says". Therefore he probably didn't say it.
The kid CAN speech just not very clear. They all believe if anything did happen it was innocent and T started it and that is why he didn't tell. This is when I went off.
HE DID TELL ME!!! I told her T didn't tell her because he knew she wouldn't listen. She went on to say T is always running to her tattleing on someone. I told her T said he knew she would just tell him to go on. Her reply was "well". This is something I have seen her do to other children many times. They even has a tattle box and if the kids want to tattle they are suppose to tell it to the box.
She also said she tires to make sure nothing like this happens but she can't always watch all the kids. Let me see. It happened during nap time. T's mat is about 3ft from her chair. How could she not see him get off his mat and go to the other side of the room. T said the other little boy keep motioning for him and calling his name.
I told her I believed she was judging T based on his past. Yes ,I believe this may have brought up memories. But only AFTER the other kid started it. I said " just because my son had a trumatic past doesn't mean everything is his fault. I will not put up with him being the fall guy."
She said "she was not taking sides but H can be very dificult to understand even she has a hard time knowing what he is saying." Well little kids can usually understand each other even if one can't speak clearly.
She wanted to know if T would be back. No I cleared out his cubby Friday. She said she may come to my house to bring me his pictures. I don't want her anywhere near my house. It would be best if she just mailed it. But then agian I might get a chance to slap her for being so stupid

[jbee]

i agree on them being able to understand each other. most of my daycare kids are hard to understand and the ones with speech problems, they can all still understand each other even if i can't.