[Original Mike]

Tonight, B and I spent a quiet night at home. After dinner, he went outside to trim some dead limbs off the trees (yard work is his stress reliever) and I settled down in the family room to watch some TV. After a while, B came in and told me he was going to go sit on the back deck for a while and listen to his ipod.

Well, about an hour later (10pm) he comes in and walks past me, telling me that he's tired and heading to bed. Well, I also noticed he tried to hide something under his hoodie. As I walked toward him, I could smell the booze on him. This is now the second time in a month that he's done this. Last time, he rode his bike to a friend's house and got it. I have no clue where he got it this time.

Well, I am under orders from our agency and his PO to inform them of any alcohol use. As I called our on-call number, he started crying and begging me not to call. I had to do it and explained to the worker what happened. Since he's not dangerously drunk, they said to get him to bed and they'll call probation and get back with me in the morning.

After I got off the phone, he was crying so hard that he was gagging. I held him for two hours while he cried. it was heart-breaking. He kept saying that I was the best thing that ever happened to him and that I was the only person in the world who cared about him and that he screwed it up for both of us. I kept reassuring him that this didn't mean he was a bad kid, but that he had a problem that he just hasn't beaten yet. After two hours, I talked him into taking a cold shower (which did help sober him up a bit) and going to bed.

He and I both know what's going to happen. His PO told him that, if he got drunk again, he was going back to lock-up. b is such a bright kid with so much potential, but he just can't keep his addiction in check.

Looks like I'll be in an empty house by Monday. Guess the pets are due to start dying off next...

[momraine]

I am so sorry. I hope he gets his addiction under control, alcohol is such a hard one cause it's so much easier to get than some other drugs and it's more seen as a part of adult culture. I am sorry you are having to deal with so much right now. That's the one thing about parenting, to be good at it means to share your heart, and if you share your heart it makes you vulnerable to having it stepped on as your children stuggle to find thier own way. Remember normal teens who have had good lives push away from thier parents and sometimes get into trouble trying to figure out who they are and trying to become adults it's much much harder for kids who have been through what your kids have in the early parts of thier lives. You did not cause that trauma in thier lives, but you are the one stuck dealing with the consequences and the fall out. You are the only safe place for them to vent thier anger. You are the only solid thing in thier lives that they can push against as they try to push away from childhood and into adulthood. You are a good dad, and the boys know it, they just don't want a dad at this moment, they think are adults and they think they know it all, they will get over that and relize what you gave them and that you can be an adult an still have a relationship with a parent.

[Indy]

Over the past couple of years, I have watched my older sons self destruct. It would seem that the older they were when I adopted them, the more likely they were to have problems breaking the cycle. The longer they were with their bio family and in the system relates directly to the level of change they would achieve. J2 actually lives with the family that beat and neglected him.

I hope for the best for you and B.

[Kansas Girl]

, Mike. I hope B is able to work this out. How long will he be in lock-up? Will he be able to come back and live with you?

Originally Posted by Indy

J2 actually lives with the family that beat and neglected him.

A little OT, but I've seen this in my own family and even at work. It has always amazed me how the abused members of my family could continue to worship my father. One younger brother who was physically abused even works with my dad. My most recent work situation (where I ended up quitting) involved a bully for a plant manager.....two other women that worked there said it was just like being in an abusive relationship (and I would say the same), but they wouldn't leave. Am I the crazy one?!

Fran

[crick]

Instead of sending him to lock up, isn't there a rehab program they can get him into? I'm confused why the PO and agency feel that a lock up is the best way for him to beat his addiction, especially at age 17?

[Original Mike]

I don't know how long he might be locked up, but I can't see him coming back here. Mostly, I think he is going to need essentially 24/7 supervision, and I cannot provide that being single.

I think I'll tell our worker that the ideal placement for me is a gay baptist over the age of 14. This way he can stay alone for short periods, won't drink, and won't be running after jailbait girls. Course with my luck....

[Lylac]

I'm sorry Mike

Just make sure he's not a southern baptist..alot of the ones that I know drink and smoke and gamble etc etc..

[skirbo]

I'm so sorry. Still no wisdom here, just fence posts and the beach. Really though, with Memorial Day coming up, maybe you could manage a weekend away just for you? Sometimes away is good.

I know, you could kidnap Indy and together you could go paint some new town red.

Sarah

[stevenstwin]

I'm so sorry, Mike. These boys are just about trying to kill you, aren't they? :-(

[waited2long]

I hope your troubles come in threes, that would mean that you can have some good things happen now.

Sorry he failed, try to remember, he failed, not you. You used your time with him to give him the tools he needed to succeed, he chose not to use them.

Hugs.