[Tudu]

I am an adoptee lite and had some brief contact about 8 years ago with my father's family. My Mother brought me out there to meet them and I walked into a room of people that looked just like me. It is one of the reasons I am so fierce about my children's adoptions being as open as possible, it was awfully confusing to grow up around people that looked so different than I did. I had lost contact, I let it drift away when I adopted my first child b/c she was so sick. Anyway, the one thing I learned is that I had many brothers. I thought I remembered 3 or 4 but it turned out I have 5 brothers and possibly a sister.

My father is the worst kind of piece of poop and a very violent man so none of his children knew each other. In fact, none of them knew I existed until last night. I Googled his name and found that 2 people were looking for relatives and I emailed them. Both replied immediately and I have located a cousin and my niece. In fact, I found another cousin here and have sent her an email, she was adopted through foster care and looking to connect with family. My niece lives in Japan but after a few emails back and forth she called her Dad this morning (very early). He agreed to she could give me his email and he would respond. I am dying, I emailed him this morning and I have heard nothing. NOTHING! I know I should be patient but it is driving me up a wall.

I called the aunt I had met years ago and she was thrilled to hear from me again. I was updated on the family tree and gossip. She is such hoot, she and I are like 2 peas in a pod, I swear you would think she was my mother not my aunt. We have a connection that is immediate and obvious. I am not thinking that it will be easy with my brother but darn it, I wish he would write me back.

[athikers]

Good luck And just as a side note, I can't get my brothers to call me back and I grew up with them! So, sometimes, its just a "guy thing" I think.

An adoptee lite? You were raised with your mom and step-dad or something?

[shelly b]

I also hope everything works out for you! Sometimes things don't happen the way we want it to or as fast as we think it should, but sometimes it is better than we imagined it could be. I hope that is the case for you.

[Tudu]

An adoptee lite is a child adopted by another man but was raised by usually the mother. In my case, she hid my paternity issue until I was an adult and then continued to lie until letting only bits and pieces come out until I was 30. I was conceived in rape and she was terrified I would look for him. His family is wonderful but he is a royal piece of wrok. He beat all his wives and tortured them and their children. I am very lucky to have escaped that life. It still leaves a person to wonder about where she belongs. In my case, I look like no onein my family, nothing is the same. I felt out of place and like a misfit. I felt unloed by my mother b/c he had such a difficult time looking at me, I look exactly like him and his side of the family. We have always been strained, she loves me she just makes it obvious there is a difference without meaning to.

[shavon]

ohhhh Tudu, are you sure we arent sisters?? My story is almost the same, except I wasnt adopted, my mom and dad were a couple then she got preggers and left him, he never tryed to find me, so when I turned 18 mom finally gave me some info so I could find him. long story short he too is a peace of crap, he too beat my mom and his other partners and children. I ended up haveing 2 sisters and a brother and they are all wonderful although we dont stay in contact I still think of them often. I havent spoken to my dad in over 5 years. I too looked like my fathers side of the family.
any way thanks for sharing your story, it is so similar to mine that I had to re read it a few times..
Shavon

[aspenhall]

My bro's never return calls....it's a guy thing...even DH makes me return his mom's calls to him...and there isn't even a hint of dysfunction in his fam....

[athikers]

I've been thinking about you... and your brother.

Have you heard anything??

And.... I tried to PM you but your too popular and 70 other people already did.

[Tudu]

I did talk to him and it was great. We were surprised to notice so many views and feelings in common. He was wonderful and kind to me. He told me at the end that he was surprised to be excited about talking to me again. I am still in contact with his daughter on MySPace and I adore her so far.

There is no talk of a face to face meeting or anything. I am hoping to just take things slowly. What was really interesting about him was his job. He can't even talk about it other than to say it is with the Dept of Defense, both he and his wife work for them. SHe is currently in Germany and both of them travel often b/c of it. It was very mysterious and I was able to get only tid bits from their daughter. I wasn't pressing but little comments here and there were made in normal conversation. He is in a highly classified position, whatever that means. If you let your imagination run wild I am sure you can come up with all kinds of interesting jobs that would qualify under that. LOL