[waited2long]

I still say report it. Then professionals can come in and decide what is really going on.

T is now home with you, safe. But what about the other kids?

[arkansas parent]

I was lied to. We will do everything in our power to make sure this never happens again. I cant even start to express what I am feeling. My heart is broken.

[waited2long]

Oh no!! What are they hiding? Is T okay?

[arkansas parent]

They are not hiding anything.

[waited2long]

You said you were lied to, I assumed you meant by the teacher/school.

Do you now think T lied?

Sorry, not trying to be nosey, just trying to be supportive if I can.

[arkansas parent]

T lied. It happened (I think ,who knows) ,but not the way he first told. This was the last thing to push me over the edge.
I have had a very stressful month. The doctor feared DH had colon cancer, T with his school issues. A is very emotional due to leaving elementary school for high school next year. Money has became tight. I had to gather eveything to get our homestudy updated. I came home from CPR classes to find my new canapy had blew off the deck and is distroyed.( I loved seating under it in the afternoon relaxing now it is gone and we cant afford to replace it) My period is so messed up I have been on it for right at 3 weeks. I think my cat is getting sick again which means a $100 vet bill. (I had to spend $129 last week for flea med).My car is making a horible noise. I know my problems are nothing compared to most peoples. I was so upset at the thought of T being abused at school, only to find out it was nothing like he said. I end up taking his TV out of his room(Never to return) for lying. He is grounded from anything fun. And we will have daily talks about why it was wrong.
I look forward to memorial weekend all year. It is when the 100mile yard sale starts. I LOVE TO YARDSALE. Now I just want to go to bed for the next month.

[waited2long]

I'm really sorry your life seems so terrible right now. Mine has also been one thing after the other. I think it's a very difficult time right now for alot of people. I imagine having children added to it just makes it all seem that much worse.

T is pretty young, are you sure he lied and isn't confused? I mean, can he really remember now, exactly how it all occured? Maybe he was telling the truth and now is just making things up because he can't remember?

Obviously, you know your son best, I'm just giving you my impressions from what you've posted and playing a little Pollyanna.

[aMarylandfamily]

When it rains, it pours and it seems like it is monsoon season for many of us for one reason or another with life having more work to it than fun (if that makes sense).

I too am wondering if there was some conversation between peers (as said by another poster common for 4-5 year olds and curiousity) which quickly escalated and then T was getting extra attention and focus on him that all kids his age relish. While I wouldn't bury this, I would caution against burying him in too much discussion as then he will be resistant to sharing when he needs to in the future. Family meetings often prove beneficial if you do them lightly with issues of the moment being discussed with a review on past ones at the end and reiterating need to be handling properly and truthfully.

Lots of caring sent your way that Memorial Day yard sales will bring you a treasure that sort of gives light to darkness.

Keep us posted.

[Again!]

I read in an earlier post "Kids don't just come up with "I'll be your friend if you touch my pee pee" on their own."

I used to think that. And I had 2 adopted kids and still thought that. But 3 kids later, 2 with RAD, let me assure you they will come up with that and worse on their own. While I think you were appropriate to act to keep your child safe, when I am in similar circumstances I also assume the child is lying, and if necessary explain to the adults involved that I can't be sure if he/she is lying or telling the truth but I am acting because I want to keep him/her safe. This may not make them think I am completely sane, but it makes me feel more sane!

My daughter, who is the milder of the RADlets, once told me one of the teachers made her undress in the bathroom while the teacher watched. Indirect investigation (not disclosed to her) revealed she got into trouble by that teacher for something unrelated that day. I chose not to take it any farther and did not rise to the bait with her, as it was pretty clear she was trying to "get back" at that teacher. That lack of reaction (in many more cases than that one) has lead to a decrease in false reporting to me, though they certainly both continued to manipulate others. I have, as a previous poster suggested, not made any effort to directly correct them when I discover they are falsely accusing, because I do want them to come to me if something really happens. It is really the emotional reaction/energy they are looking for anyway.

I hope you feel better!

[arkansas parent]

I told the teacher I thought T was telling truth, but it may not have happened the way he told it. Next year I am going to tell his teacher that he has been inapropriate (sp?) with another child and to make sure he is not alone with anyone. I will always investagate things he tells me. But will do it knowing it may be a lie or part lie for now on.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by Suziebearhugs

Kids don't just come up with "I'll be your friend if you touch my pee pee" on their own.

hmmm...I'm not saying this applies in any way to the story about T., but when I read this statement I couldn't help thinking that YES they might, if they've been abused in the past. I've actually seen children accuse others (even their parents) of doing "something" to them that someone else did in the past ...so I don't think it is completley out of the realm of possibility that an abused child MIGHT make up something like that to get someone else in trouble.