[shelly b]

I just need to vent a little. I'll try to keep it short and to the point. I know I had shared before that L.R. my soon to be 15 year old had peed in a cup and left it for me by the side of the tub. Well she did it again. We are seeing a new therapist who I think might be helpful although it is rather soon to tell too much. I am just at my wits end. I have another dd L.J. who is 20 years old and has moderate mental retardation she has had issues with diarrhea and without grossing everyone out let's just say she doesn't clean herself and there is alot to clean. We were up late last night with L.R.'s issue and had to be up at 5:30 this morning to head to Oklahoma City. It's about a 3 hour drive that we are making every Thursday and I think I am just worn out. The therapist seems to think this issue of peeing in cups has to do with attachment issues. Certainly could be but I think the next time she does this I may just have to return the gift.

[lucyjoy]

Attachment or sex abuse issues are a good bet for the root of the problem. When she does this, have HER come get the cup and take care of it. Then have HER clean the bathroom and wash the dishes. I'd say nothing to her but "you need to do......" or suggest the some kids talk about their feelings rather then leaving their pee.

[shelly b]

I believe you are right her history would be a part of this. Her therapist suggested anger issues with past abuse. Bless her heart I just want so much for her to finally enjoy her life. We've had her with us since she was 4 and she'll turn 15 this month. I just more than anything want her to find some peace!

[aMarylandfamily]

Her leaving you this "present" is considered "acting out" ... your leaving for her as the adult/parent role would be considered abusive.

We had one placement who was a pee-er ... she didn't like the idea that she had to carry toilet paper with her everywhere to show people she was prepared to clean up any "accident" she may have ...

We would be bored without them, we would

[skirbo]

Originally Posted by aMarylandfamily

Her leaving you this "present" is considered "acting out" ... your leaving for her as the adult/parent role would be considered abusive.

I hardly think of having a 15 year old dump her pee in the toilet, clean the bathroom and wash the cup she used as abusive. I would think even a five year old could manage that easily, given nothing but behavior problems as disabilities. I also wouldn't consider having a child clean up the mess they deliberately made as making them take the parenting role. I'd clean up after my daughter if she was sick and had a vomiting or similar accident because she couldn't get to the toilet in time-but not this. Kiddo would be doing exactly as Lucy suggested.

I hope I read you wrong, because I just can't see that.

Sarah

[kburch]

Originally Posted by shelly b

Certainly could be but I think the next time she does this I may just have to return the gift.

skirbo - I think aMaryland family was referring to this statement from the original post (right?). Just stating that while it's usually very tempting to do the same thing back to the kid that the kid does to us, it would be considered abusive to leave a cup of Mom's pee by the tub for the kid. Hope that helps (and hope I said that right).

[aMarylandfamily]

... that if the adult were to retaliate with the same action it would be considered as "abuse" ... not the accounting for same (clean up included!) ... if fact I think the child needs to not only account for it but also pay for the paper cups used!

We had a placement with us who randomly accused us of abuse and after locking me out one day told her she wouldn't like it if I locked her out - which she told her worker who in turn called to find out why I had "threatened" her with abusive actions.

Hope that clears it up ... we also had a placement who spread fecal material all over the house ... he quickly learned the value of time involved to clean and sanitize!!!