[qs mom]

I just found out that I have having surgery in June. Q has serious emotional issues with abandonment. Can you beleive it? hee hee

Anyway, I decided to start preping him for it now. I explained that I need to sleep at the hospital for a couple of days. I told he what they will do. He is so worried that I won't come back for him. I let me know that not much is going to change. He'll stay upstairs with my nieces. Sara will put in on the school bus on Thursday (the day of surgery) and take him off the bus. Which is a slight change, she usually only puts him on and off on Wedneday. And he'll sleep upstairs a few nights. I haven't made arrangements for him to get to Church yet for that 1 Sunday, maybe 2, but hopefully I'll be able to. He truly loves Jr. Church. Dance and Scouts will be over by then, and soccer doesn't start until after school ends and I go back to work.

I told him that Sara will bring him up to the hospital to visit me on Friday after school. He seemed ok with that.

Every now and again, out of the blue, he barrels at me, hugs me tight and tells me he doesn't want me to be sick and doesn't want me to go to the hospital.

What more can I do to help him? I keep reassuring him that I love, he'll be ok, and he'll be able to see me. I don't want to tell him that I'll be OK, because one never really knows, do they?

I expect that I'll be fine, home in a couple days and back to work in a month or so. But complications, infections and such are unknowns.

[lucyjoy]

If surgery weren't stressful enough, you have this to worry you.

Will you have help with Q when you get out of the hospital? A scared kid can do a lot of damage to a mom after surgery. I'm concerned about him hurting you.

The other thing to consider, is there a plan in place with school, bus and home if he freaks out while you are in the hospital? That would be a concern for me.

I hope things go well and you are okay again soon.

[qs mom]

Good point. I didn't think of school. I'll call the principal on Monday, His teacher is a big zero. But the principal and his for teacher from kindergarten are great with him and truly care for him. The 2 of them will take care of anything 'off' with him and just plain take care of him.

Sara, my niece lives upstairs. She is finished up with college by the time I have surgery and Q will still be in school. So, Sara will be sure that he is entertained and that we are fed. She a great kid and I'm really proud of her. She help out so much when I had the hysterectomy 3 years ago. Now both my nieces are upstairs, they'll tag team. They are really great kids. My sister is blessed to have them. Even though they can be spoiled, nasty girls - all girls are witches.

I really just want the pain and uncomfortable feeling gone. This particular cyst has been there since January. I'm actually glad I waited. My doc wanted to do it laproscopically, but I'd rather be opened up. My doc will be on maternity leave starting next week and cant' to it. But the doc doing it is going to open me up. I know it sounds crazy, but I feel safer being done traditionally, they'll be able to see in anthing is amiss.

[aspenhall]

Let him call you in the morning, after school, right before bedtime etc....

Give him something of yours (valuable to you) for him to take care of for you till you get back...a watch or some other token that YOU NEED...that you wouldn't normally be without...or a task that only you can handle, that can only be done (conveniently) after surgery...remind him you're still needed back...that you haven't found a replacement for yourself...make sure Sara says "I'll leave that for your mom to do when she gets back" for as many things as possible...then when you return, Sara can help you do those things so you don't actually have to do them post surgery.... Have Sara take him to go pick out a cuddly soft thing to make you feel better when you get home since you'll be "hurting and need to be gentle"...have her help him make plans for your return, like posters, balloons, a special cake etc...

[RavenSong]

If Q will be visiting you in the hospital one day post-op, you'll probably still have an IV running. Be sure to prepare him for that. Sometimes kids have a hard time seeing their mommies in pain with IV's in their arms. Has he ever visited a hospital before? You might consider taking him there for lunch a week or two before surgery. Let him get familiar with the smells and sights.

Will your niece be able to help you with Q after you come home? You'll be pretty sore for a week or so if you're having an open laparotomy. (Be sure you have a nice, comfy pillow you can hold against your abdomen. It really helps when you're doing your deep-breathing exercises.)

[lucyjoy]

Leave a short you've warn that hasn't been washed for him to sleep in.

[mrsred]

I was thinking along the the same lines as Aspenhall, that you shhould give him something that he knows is yours, that he can keep safe for you. Like if you have a special ring you wear all the time that he could wear on a chain around his neck (a chain that he cannot unlatch, so that it really is secure). You could explain that you cannot wear any jewelry during surgery so you need him to keep it safe for you, and that you will be back to get it from him.
Also, rather than having him and Sara pick out some new cuddly stuffed toy for you, ask him if you can borrow one of his favorites, and you will bring it back to him.
Good luck with the surgery. I have had two of the full lapendectomies and on laproscopic surgery to remove ovarian cysts, and actualy the laproscopic was so much easier to recover from. But then, about now, a week in the hospital doesn't sound so bad! Hopefully they will hook you up on the type of pain medication dispenser thing where you can control it yoursel. Push a button and get instant pain relief. ahhhh. They have done research and found that patients actually need less pain medication when they can control it themselves, because they can stay on top of the pain.

[qs mom]

Thanks you guys. So many things that I wouldn't think of. I mean, geez, I forgot about school.

I will actually only be in the hospital 2 school days, as surgery is on Thursday, so I can see him off, I'll be leaving a little bit before he gets on the bus. And I will talk to him before bed. I don't want to promise to talk to him after school because, he gets home at 3:30, surgery is scheduled for 11. But being a gynological surgery, I could get bumped for a c-section. That is what happened with my hysterectomy. I ended up going in about an hour late. My doc needed to assist on complicated c-section. So, I may not be in a room or coherent by the time 3:30 rolls around. But by 8 pm, I'll at least be able to fake it on the phone with him.

My surgery is at the Children's hospital. Q was there to have his adnoids out and to the ortho clinic there. So he is familiar. I really explained quite a bit about what will happen to me. I explained about the IV and that they will give medicine through - make me sleep medicine, make me not hurt medicine and go away bugs! medicine. Being a single mom, he has gone with me to the lab for bloodwork in the past (I'm diabetic- every 3 months). So the needles in the arm really don't bother him. Thankfully the ladies in the lab let him stay with them while I pee in a cup. He still can't figure out how I do it!

I think that I will have to have him take care of my blankie for me. Yes, I confess, I'm 44 (as of today) and sleep with a blankie. So we tease about my blankie and his blankie. He knows that I'll be coming home for that. And maybe he will let me take Mr. Frank to the hospital with me to 'watch on me'. It's not the kind of Mr. Frank I'd like to snuggle up with but the furry little build a bear will have to do.

[linda512]

Happy birthday! My son was much younger, but I wrote a little book for him about mommy having a boo boo and going to the hospital to get it fixed. I read it to him and we talked about it a fair amount before my surgery. I am also a single mom and had my hip replaced. I don't know if reading books helps your son, but it seemed to help mine. I couldn't find any great books out there, especially that dealt with a single mother. My son stayed with my parents. Good luck to you. I hope all goes well.

[waited2long]

Is there time for some practise?

In other words could your niece(s) pick him up after school on unusual days and have him stay the night a few times before the real thing?

And, whoever you are arranging to take him to church, it might be good to bring him/her with the two of you a few times, then have him/her take Q alone.

Having these practise runs might help him feel less frightened when it's the real thing.

[SAHmom]

No advice, just good luck with the surgery!

[Lylac]

Happy Birthday!!!!

44 is a wonderful age to be

[Barksum]

Oooo, the blankie is a GREAT idea to leave with him. Don't take this the wrong way, but it will smell like you. This is often a really important thing for kids.

Happy birthday, and will be praying for you and Q during this time.

[aspenhall]

So I just got out of the hospital monday...it was a surprise ER visit, and I couldn't do any prep work, but I came home and told dd all about the cat scan "cheerio/donut machine".

DH googled a image and printed it out for her, and she sat and drew pictures of the stuff I was telling her about and colored in a drawing of my on the cat scan bed on the printout...with a frown and sad eyes, and I told her it was fun, and that I wasn't sad (in reality I was screaming in pain the whole time from having to lay down while DH stood helpless outside and cried)

The morphine makes me nauseous, so I have her go pick me Mint leaves from her mint plant (helps her feel some ability to help me)