[atouchofheaven]

Hi,

my son is having a particular problem that i just don't know what to do with. basically, when we are out in public, people stop to say hi or talk to him all the time (because he is so cute, in my opinion). sometimes he is okay with this but most of the time he doesn't like feeling on the spot or having people look at him that he doesn't know. so he hits me because he is uncomfortable with the attention. and i'm not sure what to do about it. in one way, it's not okay to hit me, but i also understand he is trying to express that he isn't happy with the attention and isn't sure how to deal with it. and i'm the safe person to hit, because he knows me. and hitting is his first reaction to things he doesn't like anyway. he has limited speech and can't say, please don't talk to me right now. and the people try to make it better by talking even more to him! which only makes it worse.

so any ideas about what to do would be welcome. i feel bad that he has to endure this but also feel bad for the people that are just trying to be friendly. and i kind of feel like an idiot that my kid is hitting me and i'm not sure what to do about it. anyone have a similar problem?

[aspenhall]

You could have him squeeze your hand real tight, so it's less obvious...then you tell people he's painfully shy and thank them for the compliments or comments.

Also, it sounds like it is a translation of his anger at you which is fear you'll not protect him in those circumstances....so maybe have that discussion, about trusting you to handle it...and having a secret sign for when he'd like you to handle a situation for him.

At home and elsewhere, you all of a sudden need to "go deaf" to his hitting...and re-state the sign and let him know you don't know what you're to do if he doesn't give you the signal....play dumb long enough, and hem ought to abandon that communication tactic as long as he has a replacement...

[waited2long]

Hmm, not sure if this will work, but I don't think it will hurt.

Next time a stranger frightens your son into his hitting reaction, say to the stranger "excuse me". Then bend down to your son or pick your son up and tell him if he's afraid he should ask you to hold him, that hitting is wrong. Then give him a huge hug, telling him all the time how much you love him.

When you're through comforting your son, if the stranger is still there, simply say, "I'm sorry, but my child is extremely shy and strangers frighten him".

This way you have hopefully taught your son the proper reaction to his fear and taught the stranger that you really should not approach children who don't know you.

I'm always uncomfortable when I see adults trying to converse or play with someone elses children. I sort of feel that they should know better. It's healthy for kids to have a fear of strangers and much safer!

[momraine]

My daughter tends to get upset when people compliment her. What we did was practice at home. We tell her the polite thing is to smile and say thank you. (this was not just strangers she had issues with, but mostly at church) Then when she remembered to look at them, smile and say thank you, we made a huge deal out of it later. We told her we loved her and were proud of her. We told her that she didn't have to say anything else. It helped her a lot, and after practicing and once she was able to do it a few times she got better at it. When she didn't do it, we would remind her when we were alone again what she should have said and done, but we didn't act angry and such, just a gentle reminder. But lots of praise when she did remember. If it was someone we knew well, we would remind her gently. She is a lot better now.

[qs mom]

Does your child sign? Or Baby Sign?

My son does the hitting/slapping when he's in pain.

I would definitly try hugging him tight, and whisper that it is ok, they are only talking to you, talking doesn't hurt and that you will keep him safe.

I taught my son some basic baby sign. He'll sign to me in an uncomfortable situation. Or I should say he did, he's 7 now and verbalizes well. But we still use baby sign between us on occassion.

[atouchofheaven]

thank you for the suggestions. he does use some signs. just the basics. part of the problem is he is almost two but cognitively much younger. he doesn't have good verbal skills or understand much more than 2-3 word sentences. so i can't really have a conversation about it with him. but he's really intelligent when it comes to manipulating and getting his way. he has a survival instinct...get what i need at all costs. and when he gets into fight or flight mode....he always chooses fight....and it doesn't matter who he is mad at, he always hits me.

i definitely like some of the ideas i've heard. thanks so much. i'm glad to hear it's not only my kid who doesn't like the attention too. i also might teach him to shake his head "no" (since he can already do that) when strangers approach so he has a way of communicating. don't know if it will work. man! it's such a hard age! do things get better when they start talking?

[o2b30again]

I have heard of children putting on sunglasses to "make themselves disappear" when uncomfortable. It might be worth a shot.