[kay]

I was going to title this "C is mad at me" and realized how ludicrous that sounded! Last night he came home furious and snarling, he was having a Bad Day, leave him alone. Went to his room and slammed the door and called his girlfriend. I'm guessing they were fighting again - they always fight, what a fun relationship!

Then he came out and tried to pick a fight with me - he is upset because I am spending money on me, and he gets nothing. Yep, I bought myself a pretty bedspread, and yep, my new laptop came yesterday. He was harping back to this birthday, when I got him "nothing", and I've given him nothing ever since - well, sure he gets food, he'll admit, but not much of the junk he really likes. And yes, he did get birthday presents from me, but I went with practical, which he hated. A gift certificate for his favorite food place; a bus pass so he could get around without walking (he's never used it, he'd rather walk and complain); a driver's ed class (which he dropped because it was too boring.) And yep, he agreed that he would have a job by December and start paying me for his various court fines - so yes, I've stopped both his clothing and regular allowance. When he starts working, I'll resume the allowance. The kid just doesn't get that this is all his bad choices. A friend gave him a laptop, which he destroyed when he got mad. Oh yeah, I got him a new cell phone for his birthday, which he destroyed during a fight with his girlfriend. (And I'm supposed to replace it.) No computer, no cell phone, and it's all my fault!

I really really worry about him - so very much anger, and he won't do anything to help himself. He blames everything on me - but he is now verbally abusive to his girlfriend as well. And where I won't take it, she does. She breaks up with him at least once a week, and I keep praying someday it will take, but he always browbeats her into taking him back.

Last week I told the school counselor, with him there, that he's run out of chances with school - the next time he misses, I want him kicked out and put on independent study. In spite of the fact that he never can be bothered to go, he has this idea that he's going to graduate with his class next year, so, strangely, getting kicked out is something he really doesn't want. He's attended every day since - but I'm not holding my breath on his ability to keep it up. Surprise me, kiddo, please! Prove me wrong!!!!

[lovemy6]

You're doing everything you should be doing...everything anyone could expect a mom to be doing. Unfortunately, some of our kids just sabatoge their own futures. It's so sad to be a mom and watch this happen.

I refused to let my son go to prom since he hadn't done ANY school work this last six weeks. He's so far behind and won't graduate next month if he doesn't hand in all his missed work. He SAYS he's going to do it and WILL graduate. Well, you have to do more than SAY things,you have to GO to class, DO the work and hand it in! He's done none of that, so we'll see. He gave me such a hard time for returning the tux that HE paid for. He wants me to repay him for it. I don't think so! I warned him two weeks prior to prom that the work was to be turned in before hand or he wasn't going. You'd think after being in our family over six years he'd realize I mean business. Apparently he didn't. Not MY problem!

I've resorted to counting down the days til he can leave (IF he chooses to disregard our rules. We have never kicked a kid out like he says we're doing ).

Know that you're in the company of other GREAT, but frustrated moms. (((((((((hugs))))))))))

[aspenhall]

Can you call the police and report C for abuse to his girlfriend? Anonymously of course....

Also, why not pull out his allowance, count it out in front of him as if you're going to give it to him, then count out the court fines etc...write down the tallies on a spreadsheet and pocket the money again. Perhaps if he saw it being paid down he'd clue in?

[lucyjoy]

Oh what fun you are having! Hopefully, someday, your son will get the point.

I understand your concern about the anger and the verbal abuse to the girlfriend. It's hard to watch and harder to try and stop.

At least he is going to school at the moment.

And hey, you deserve new stuff!