[Joy2566]

After a giant altercation today, 16yo is missing. I feel somewhat guilty about the whole thing. I get a text message from a former girlfriend's mother that ds sent an inappropriate message to the girl and if he didn't stop she would go to the cops. I asked ds if he had texted the girl (he's not supposed to), he started yelling that I don't trust him and believe the girl over him. (all I did was ask!) He started swearing at me, which he has never done before. He was also using inappropriate sexual language in front of the younger kids. As we were driving home he grabbed the steering wheel from me. I pulled over and he continued to swear at me and say sexual things. I asked him to get out of the car and got out myself to try to calm him. He told me that the kids needed to learn about sex and he was going to teach them. This is so out of character for ds, but I must admit I was quite angry. I left ds and took the other kids home. DH left immediately to get ds, when ds saw dh he took off. This all happened at 8:45. now at 12:30, he's still gone. We waited one hour, as is our agency's policy before reporting son missing to state police. Having dealt with state police before for our runner (former fs), they threatened to charge us with neglect because I didn't attempt to restrain a large 16yo boy, I knew it was not going to be pleasant. So state trooper finally arrives at 10:45 and reads us the riot act because we didn't report this immediately. What? a 16yo gets angry at mom and takes off, so the police have to be called immediately? So we are also terrible parents because we don't have any idea where he could be. He doesn't hang out with friends outside of school, so I don't know where any of his friends live. I'm also bad because I took his phone away because of the inappropriate text messages, and therefore we can't just call him to find out where he is. Trooper then explains that he can't do anything, since we didn't call immediately. And trooper is sure ds will show up for school tomorrow, so we just need to call the school in the morning. Not sure what is really going on, this was just so atypical for this son. I'm thinking I really blew it. I allowed my anger to get the better of me and made a bad decision to leave him. I am especially worried because our adoption is supposed to be filed soon, I wonder if this is going to affect that.

[AmyAnne]

You did the right thing. Do not let this trooper berate you.

[lucyjoy]

Wow! Makes me appreciate the apathetic police here. When I called regarding run aways, I was told to call back if they hadn't shown up by city curfew.

You did exactly what you should have done. It's not okay for a 16 year old to talk to a parent like that. And if he can't use his phone properly, taking it makes perfect sense. Hope son is fine and shows up soon.

[xxsurroundedbyxy]

DON'T YOU DARE FEEL GUILTY.

Your other kids deserve to NOT be taught sex by some foul mouthed 16 yr old in a moment of anger.

You are kinder than I am to take the time to try to calm him etc. I would have opened the door and kicked him out I think. (Which could be why I don't take any over the age of 10. HeeHee)

The officer had no right to accuse you of anything. He either has no teenager of his own and most certainly has not dealt with one that has anger issues in front of small children.

You are MOM to all those kids....not just the 16 yr old and sometimes we have to put the health of the majority ahead of the health of 1.

Kim

[Joy2566]

kiddo showed up at 1:20. He's not talking to me at the moment. Just enough to tell me that he spent the entire time walking home. Okay 5 hours to walk less than one mile, sure.

[zebramom]

Glad he's home but sorry you had to go through this and even more sorry you got a jerk of a cop. Ours have never blamed us, even the useless ones.

[kay]

What Zebra said - glad he's home and safe, and sorry about the clueless officer. And as others have said, don't beat yourself up!!! You appropriately kicked him out of the car, and he chose to run from your hubby. So sorry he's gone off the deep end . . . and I hope he surfaces quickly!

[Lorraine123]

I call the police right away when my child runs. I have never been told to wait. My children know that I will not come after them, the police will. While I have had the police minimize the situation, I have never had them blame me. I'm sorry that happened. It isn't your fault. I commend you for taking time to cool off. You did what was best in a tough situation.

[everbodysmother]

I remember my first runaway and I feel for you, take heart in knowing that he chose to take his anger/confusion/outburst away from the house. I know that's a different way to look at it but sometimes it's the only way a BIG child can keep himself with in the boundries of appropriateness. If this is not his usual behavior find the trigger. It could be as easy as the adoption date coming or a late rush of puberty hormones. I found with my previous teenage foster sons that most of them hit real puberty a bit later than kids who had easier early lives; 16 seemed to be the point. And I have found that when I get thrown the line "don't you trust me" that a hard to argue with reply is "not when your acting guilty". I allowed my teenage boys to ask questions about sx in an appropriate setting and when the younger kids were excluded; let me tell you this was REALLY hard for me but the amount of misinformation they got from school made me glad I did it. I also have to say that the line of "somebody has to teach the younger kids about sx" sounds like something he heard before in his past life surfacing, I would calmly explain the inappropriateness. I've been there, a lot let me know if you need a shoulder this is a tough period for boys, even tougher for parents.