[skirbo]

I just got back from the school where I have been supporting B while she writes her statement to the VP about what happened. I told her on Friday not to talk to anyone else, the school or the police, without me there. Just to protect her, just so she has someone in her corner. She's admitted to the VP that this girl has been physically harrassing her, but won't own up to the sexual assault on her part, and I'm not going to push it.

What makes me so frappin' mad is that they haven't even put this other kid on in school suspension!!!!!!!!!! If you missed my update post, someone B knew from a previous group home and independent living stuff has been harrassing B, and just sexually groped B's friend in the bathroom on Friday. I realize that they didn't have time to talk to everyone on Friday, but they did have time to talk to the 'parties' briefly, and of course, the perp has threatened all three of the girls this morning, for telling. How stupid can you get?????????????

B wrote a very good statement, the VP told me what would come next (talking to the two other parents-no, they didn't bother to tell the parent of Friday's victim what had happened to their young daughter so they could help her process it. ARgggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). It is up to the parents to press charges and not the school. Fine. But the school needs to get her away from these kids immediately.

I have already told B's worker and ex-therapist (she works with the new one we'll start with this week) that either they get this kid pulled out of the school themselves and put in an RTC to be treated or I press charges myself. I forgot to mention on my update that this girl slammed a smaller young boy's head against the wall, hard, on Friday right before the bathroom incident. She's escalating and quickly.

My kid is holding herself together really well, I'm really proud of her. Amusingly enough, the lawyer handling the adoption called during my time in the school and I answered it and said I would call her right back. Then I apologized to the VP and said, 'sorry, that was my lawyer.' She sat up and blinked. lol I'm sneaky. But when and if the police get involved, I will appear at all our meetings with a lawyer friend.

To paraphrase the Monty Python Fish Dance skit, walk softly and carry a really big fish.

Sarah

[lucyjoy]

As the mom of teens-be very sure your child is telling you the truth. I happened to have raised some very convincing liars. If your sure, YOU can call the hotline as the school should already have done so. If your daughter or the other victims involved have history with the school, the school may be having a hard time determining if what is being said is true. That use to infuriate me but as I discovered the stories I got weren't always correct, I have a little more understanding for the schools stalling. Anyway, it's good that you will be involved in the meetings. Hope it all gets sorted out quickly.

[skirbo]

The only reason I have been sure that B is telling me the truth about stuff, is that every time I am sure the tale is so far fetched she can't possibly be... she is.

The other VP at the school, she came home upset after we highlighted her hair pink and she said he called her a liar in front of her friends over how much of her hair got colored. I figured he might of fussed at her, but I was wrong. He admitted to calling her a liar. You could of knocked me over with a feather, I would never have thought an experienced educator would do something that horrible.

When B's foster mother and sister convinced me that B was a liar, to watch for that... I've now had the therapist tell me to never tell anything to the foster parents, that she's been burned and can't believe how they turned out.

B said hi to a spider in her closet the last time she was getting stuff out of that house and the foster sister got mad and said B had been trying to convince her for months that there was a spider in there, but she knew it was just a joke so she wouldn't even check. I did. That spider was really big, like a banana spider or something. Huge. Would have been really easy to see.

I've been looking and looking for B to lie to me, and she hasn't yet over anything substantial. I understand where you are coming from and certainly I expected to go through this myself, but haven't so far. B is like me-when she gets passionate about something, good or bad, she blushes heavily. Bad for her, good for me.

Sarah

[lucyjoy]

I had a school once tell me that if my son were within 10 feet of anything that happened they would assume he was involved. Sometimes he was, sometimes he wasn't. I ended up removing him from school for his own safety. However, part of me thinks if this is the reputation he chose to build he should live with the consequences. But he was/is such a neat kid that I keep hoping his common sense and maturity will help.

Once her adoption is final, maybe a different school option would be better for her. If she can't trust the adults at school, it certainly will make life harder for her.

[Barksum]

Loved the cell call from the lawyer part. Waiting for further updates as the situation develops.

[skirbo]

Further developments as follows:

1. Perp is still in school at this time, and harrassed the kids today at lunch.

2. School counselor called to tell me B is cutting again, low on her wrist where she wanted someone to spot it.

3. Counselor said she couldn't say anything but assured me that the perp problem is taken care of.

4. Took B to her new therapist today, thank heavens.

5. B tried to blame the cutting on being mad at me Sunday night when I wouldn't put up with her lip. [I did really lose my temper and apologized for it Monday afternoon, but she'd already done it.]

6. B has threatened to run and/or refuse to be adopted and ask to be moved if I require her to strip to her underwear in front of me and a mutual friend to check her for cuts. I have refused to back down, stating firmly that she would do what she chose to do, however, it had to and would be done. (Caseworker insists, and I would anyway.)

7. I have just finished consuming about 1/2 lb of Tootsie Roll and feel better now.

Sarah

[athikers]

Ugh... you are not allowed to remove her from this school due to their lack of action?

Cutting is a very difficult issue to deal with, I don't envy you.

[Waco88]

Cutting is a tough issue. I myself just turned 20, So I can totally understand where she is coming from.

I got my friends to stop by just talking with them. It worked for a while, but when things hit the fan they started to do it. Just keeping conversation and making them feel loved is enough to make them feel like someone is understanding in their life. Offer to just hangout. Take her to the mall to buy some new shoes, maybe stop in here favorite store and use that to get you some alone time to talk with her.

Even if it doesnt stop the cutting for good, feeling really close with her during the time you have - will make her feel alot more comfortable.

[skirbo]

Things went very well last night. Her caseworker thinks this is a combination of everything going on (holidays, school, finalization) and her wanting to see if I would handle it without freaking out and ending things.

She seemed relieved that I handled things exactly as I said I would. She even told me exactly how she acted the night before, when she was upset that my friend and I hadn't noticed anything. I told her she was wrong, we had, and I had actually asked my friend (she's a PI) if she thought I should drug test her.

I reminded her that mom is not psychic and that hinting around doesn't get the desired result. When I didn't freak about the cutting, she actually showed me the stash of objects that she had to cut with. She asked me if I wanted to take them, and I said that I would if she wanted me to, but that she and I both knew she could hurt herself with a pencil if she wanted to.

She said she was mad at herself for cutting because she had promised our friend that she wouldn't and she hates to break promises. I reminded her that I had never asked her to promise that she wouldn't cut, just that she would talk to me (and she's been pretty good about talking) and to be careful. When she asked me why I hadn't asked her to promise I reminded her that it was because I understand.

All in all, things were and are good. The other kid was at school for the last time yesterday and has been moved.

Feeling pretty good about things with kiddo atm. Long talk with the ex therapist last night and she said that handling the cutting the way I did last night was how she always did it herself. She has taught B the tools she needs to deal with things, and if she makes the choice to continue to cut, ultimately, we can't really stop her.

I just keep reminding myself that people statistically tend to grow out of this and stop doing it by their mid twenties.

Sarah

[Barksum]

Sounds very positive right now, Skirb. Glad things were brought out into the open, that they were discussed and dealt with, and that you can both now go on to the next hurdle.

[waited2long]

You get an A+ for your schoolwork and extra credit for the homework!

Sounds like you are very happy and handling things as they come.