[Lylac]

I was NOT arguing..if I had been, I wouldn't have been so nice. I may be the only one here that hasn't read NT stuff, so thats not an issue for me. I'm with Sarah...enough already. This jug of koolaid has been stirred enough

[Lorraine123]

Nancy Thomas does not proclaim to be anything other than a parent. She is not a therapist, she doesn't do therapy, she takes her children to a therapist. So, I don't see the fact that she is a dog groomer to be an issue. All of us parents are something else.

I use the same therapist that Nancy Thomas uses. In fact, my therapist is quoted on the site that Dadfor2 linked to. Yes, everything said on that site I have heard, however, when taken out of context it is something entirely different. I would hate for someone to take everything I said to my children out of context and post it on a web site.

The therapists quoted on that site (at least the ones I have used) are loving compassionate people. They work with the most disturbed children. So, again, their techniques are tough. My daughter has been to many therapists (too many to count actually) and until she began seeing one of those therapists quoted on that web site, we were seeing no movement. These therapists will not heal my daughter, but they have cracked her shell more than anyone else.

So, you can call it abuse. You can post sites taking their words out of context, but I know them as people. There is nothing abusive about the ones that I know. In fact, they are some of the most compassionate people I know.

You may choose not to use this type of therapy for your children. Thats fine. But why the hostility to us that do?

[skirbo]

Okay, I've actually gone back and read the original post again. The brother didn't say or seem to know anything about attachment parenting. How did this become a thread about attachment? Do foster parents, even therapeutic ones, even practice attachment therapy??

Sarah

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by skirbo

Okay, I've actually gone back and read the original post again. The brother didn't say or seem to know anything about attachment parenting. How did this become a thread about attachment? Do foster parents, even therapeutic ones, even practice attachment therapy??

Sarah

I had a foster/adopt daughter will attachment issues and was told by an attachment therapist not to begin AT until after TPR and it was confirmed that I would be the one adopting. So, no, I don't think foster parents do attachment therapy-as a general rule.

[lucyjoy]

Theraputic parents don't practice therapy at all, they take their kids to therapists.

[skirbo]

Originally Posted by lucyjoy

Theraputic parents don't practice therapy at all, they take their kids to therapists.

Sorry about that-I meant to put 'attachment parenting'. It's been a long day, I'll post about it later.

Sarah

[lucyjoy]

Oh, that makes more sense. Yes, theraputic parents DO work on attachment. First, a theraputic home is sometimes a transitional or practice home for kids who have trouble living in normal families. Also, kids are sometimes there for a long time. They need to start learning to attach as soon as possible. Theraputic parents are trained to help transition this bond to the family the child goes to next. Once a child creates the ability to attach, they can attach to others. Kids with serious attachment disorder have NEVER bonded to anyone. The theraputic parent helps create the envronment to help them start doing that.

[dadfor2]

I was NOT arguing..if I had been, I wouldn't have been so nice. I may be the only one here that hasn't read NT stuff, so thats not an issue for me. I'm with Sarah...enough already. This jug of koolaid has been stirred enough

that post you deleted was nice? wow, I would hate to see what you would of wrote if you were mean.

If no one is interested in this thread anymore, then why post? c'mon lylac, not sure what the issue is you have with the thread, there are two sides to mostly everything, and I dont see why we cant discuss it. If you choose not to, then by all mean, stop participating.

What is real interesting, we are talking about NT parenting and then you claimed that people are uneducated around attachement, then you state that you havnt even read anything by her....lol

call me fickle, but wouldnt that make someone who hasnt even read the books the one who was uneducated around this issue?..lol

seriously, if people dont want to participate in the discussion, then they can just dont click on the mouse. As adults, we have that choice....

[Lylac]

Originally Posted by Lylac

First thing is I wasn't attacking you. But you made me feel like I was abusing my kids. Being the mom of 3 very special needs kids, 2 of whom were severely abused. And 1 of them only having 1/6 of his brain left from his abuse. And 1 having permanent brain damage as well .So yes I DO take abuse very seriously.

What I meant about being educated..is about MY kids issues..not every kids issues

My point was that to the outside looking in, the kinds of therapies that I do on my kids can look like abuse. When in reality it's these such things that have helped my kids progress beyond any doctors expectations. But then again just living is more than what was prognosed for them.

Nuff said

Dad reread my post and tell me where I EVER said anything about attachment.

In the post that I deleted it didn't say anything about attachment either. It just said that according to how you've been defining abuse, then you would say that I abused my kids too. Then I suggested if this is how you thought to call DCS on me.

So get your facts straight and get off my back already

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by skirbo

Do foster parents, even therapeutic ones, even practice attachment therapy??

Sarah

uhh...YEAH! If not, then you just have the poor child getting further and further withdrawn and isolated while waiting for someone to adopt. And then what happens if no one does adopt? I've been to the near reaches of hell and back with attahment work with my foster son. He's too old to be adopted, and will soon be an adult. Without healthy attachments NOW he'll have a horrible adult life and probably damage some other children. So yes, some foster parents certainly do work just as hard on attachment as adoptive parents do.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by Kat-L

I had a foster/adopt daughter will attachment issues and was told by an attachment therapist not to begin AT until after TPR and it was confirmed that I would be the one adopting. So, no, I don't think foster parents do attachment therapy-as a general rule.

I personally think that is short-sighted on the part of that particular therapist. Ours told us that she USED to beleive the same thing, but then realized it was misguided. She said attachment is ont about attaching to ONE person only for the rest of your life - it is about learning HOW to form healthy bonds and attachments, and that waiting to start that work can really be a disservice to a child. After all, the whole legal system, the TPR, all the rest of that...the kid doesn't care. The child has needs NOW and is not sitting around waiting for the judges to say he can start healing and start living.

[Lorraine123]

o foster parents, even therapeutic ones, even practice attachment parenting??

Yes, sometimes they do, but not always. My daughter was placed in therapeutic foster care and her foster parents did not practice attachment parenting. In fact, just the opposite, their goal was to teach her that love comes from your parents.

[dadfor2]

So get your facts straight and get off my back already

im not sure even how to respond to this.

but not to make you look foolish, but If you notice, you commented to me that I am uneducated and uninformed and told me to report you for abuse.

I have no idea where you even came from as you were not part of the conversation that was going on, but I did answser you. How do you see that i am 'on your back'.

Your post to me was rude, and I was under the assumption the mods deleted it. because it broke TOS. So excuse me for assuming that. BUt apparently, for whatever reason, you chose to delete it yourself, and pretty quickly.

You joined this conversation with an attack on me and my intellegence. So I responed. Then you say I am on your back?...that actually really doesnt make much sence if you stop and think about it....

Its kinda like you snuck up behind me and jumped on me, then I pushed you off, and you saying Its my fault because you fell off....lol It just doesnt make sence.

If you read further by this poster, this is what we were talking about, AT was mentioned because of this.

just in case you missed it, i quoted it for you:

they are following the teachings of Nancy Thomas and have been to seminars by a guy in colorado who has a r.a.d. hospital or something.

Nancy Thomas and evergreen (which I am assuming that is what he is talking about) is all about AT. If you read the books, you might understand a little better on what we are talking about.

and if you are not familiar with evergreen or even NT practices, it just baffles me how you could accuse someone of being uneducated when you havnt even read the books.

I am trained in my field to see signs of child abuse. Maybe these folks were not abusing this child, I really am not 100% sure. But either is anyone else.

IF more people got involved in reporting these types of cases, maybe there wouldnt be so many RAD kids in the first place. Just because they are theraputic foster parents, this doesnt mean they are incapable of abusing children. I remember a case where a couple put their RAD childrern in cages, and they were arrested. They apparently claimed to be doing what was best for the children due to their unsafe behaviors.

There was nothing, I mean nothing in that guys post to suggest to me that his parents were in fact, helping this 4 yr old foster child. It sounded more like it was emotional abuse. I also feel that SOME of NT methods, if you get a chance, you should read them. is also on the cuff of emotional abuse.

Its fine if people feel it is not abusive, and others posted in that they do think it is, if not abusive, then very extreme.

Which goes back to my original thought, that nobody really knows what is going on.

I have posted in the past, that the way my younger one had meltdowns, that the police never came to my door.....No one ever called the police. I found that rather upsetting believe or not. No, we were not abusing him, he was having a meltdown or whatever they call it. But no one called.....they just turned a blind eye, and yes, you could hear him down the block.

If someone called, they would of come and we would of explained what was going on. It wouldnt take long to figure out we were not abusing this child.

But no one came. How very sad that people just turned a blind eye when a LITTLE child is screaming out the window..."leave me the F*** alone.......................". at the top of his lungs.

My children who were severly abused, actually the neighbor, under investagation, said she meant to call a few times, but then things seemed better... so decided not to. Others were investagated and said "they knew something wasnt write". Yea, maybe a kid hanging out a 2nd floor window by his ankles by his mother and yelling "im gonna drop you if you dont shut up" would be a give away, but NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! never alone the other stuff.....and look at the product of that. My children can never be 'normal'...never ever.

Maybe these people should be held responsible to some degree by not calling. My children will never get over what happened to them. And to think that some of it could of been avoided if someone just called....

I CAN NOT, just assume that everything is fine. Alot of people here made excuses for that behavior, by their own experience, and my experience, with my kids, I wish someone did the opposite and call. But not one of us here lives with these people.

Im really not sure why your baiting me so much lylac. I dont believe we really had any other interactions before. If we did, I dont remember them.

and yes, if you told me that you keep your children sitting for 4-5 hours in a room by themselves, for no reason than because he has dx of RAD and that is what we were told to do, then yes, I consider that abuse. If you do not do this, then why would you say I think you are abusing your children. You never even pointed out what you actually do to your kids.

I really was not talking about you on your parenting styles, I was really focusing on these foster parents, who are doing this kind of 'parenting' to a child that is not even their kid. I dont know whos kid it is, I dont know if there was a TPR, but does that really matter anyway?

I guess what keeps coming up is that these are theraputic foster parents. What if it was just foster parents, would that really matter?

[Lylac]

I think your way off base, "when it comes to what I posted". I never violated the TOS..if I did, tell me how.

I never mentioned any other kids, but MY OWN. And I keep trying to drill in your head that the uneducated part was solely about me & MY kids. And what I use to help MY kids. No one elses.


Yet you keep on comming at me, I guess just to get me stirred up. So I'm asking nicely that you keep me out of your post.

I'm done with this.