[redfred]

Just found out a few days ago that L is now hurting our 50 lb boxer on a regular basis. The dog had been scared of L and super twitchy whenever L was around for a while now. L's sister finally ratted him out.
I keep the dog in a dog run when the kids are outside. They can (and do) go up to the fence and pet him all the time. L just waits until someone else is loving the dog to sneek up behind the animal and hit, punch, pinch or stab him with a sitck as hard as he can.
What do I do now??? I feel awful for the animal, but yet I have that sick to my stomach gut feeling that if it's not the dog...then it would be the baby. I'm an animal lover. God, this is so hard... I think I'm beginning to be afraid of what my 5 year old will do...

[Lorraine123]

I feel awful for the animal, but yet I have that sick to my stomach gut feeling that if it's not the dog...then it would be the baby.

If he is allowed to continue to hurt the dog, it will escalate to the baby. He must not be allowed to be around the animals. By allowing this, he is getting sicker. He needs to be watched at all times.

[bromanchik]

Is he in therapy? If not you need to find a therapist ASAP. Hurting animals is a very serious symptom and can very well escalate into hurting others.

[skirbo]

I agree that he needs serious therapy very quickly, that getting away with hurting the dog is making him sicker.

However, I would also point out that it is in the dog's best interest to keep the child away from him. While getting bitten might teach the child a lesson, getting bitten would almost certainly get your dog a new, child-less home, if not put to sleep. He will very easily ruin your dog's kind temperament.

I'm sure you didn't mean it that way, but it almost reads as if you think 'well, better the dog than the baby'. He'll hurt one just as quickly as the other though, and this behavior will not stop without therapeutic intervention.

Good luck,
Sarah

[AmyAnne]

I agree. Keep him away from the dog AND the baby unsupervised. And I would seek a therapist immediately.

[Scarlet Moon 13]

Originally Posted by redfred

Just found out a few days ago that L is now hurting our 50 lb boxer on a regular basis. The dog had been scared of L and super twitchy whenever L was around for a while now. L's sister finally ratted him out.
I keep the dog in a dog run when the kids are outside. They can (and do) go up to the fence and pet him all the time. L just waits until someone else is loving the dog to sneek up behind the animal and hit, punch, pinch or stab him with a sitck as hard as he can.
What do I do now??? I feel awful for the animal, but yet I have that sick to my stomach gut feeling that if it's not the dog...then it would be the baby. I'm an animal lover. God, this is so hard... I think I'm beginning to be afraid of what my 5 year old will do...

get professional help quickly. If he doesn't stop hurting the dog then give the dog away.

[mommytoEli]

i feel your pain, as dd used to abuse our cats and baby. this was several years ago (obviously we sought help), and she is far from normal, but does not (to our knowledge) do physical harm to people or animals anymore. But even now, she is not allowed in a room alone with children without a parent. i will never completely trust her. but i honestly think that is what saves the people around her....bc we keep such an eye on the other kids. we also realized that she was hurting our cat to get to us. we had an unusual idea for our unusual child that worked for our family like a dream, but it was truly a step out. in the end, she developed compassion for animals(and bugs,,,but not people, don't get me started ) she did not have before, and learned how to use them in a therapeutic manner, rather than as a punching bag. actually, i think now she is like a troubled animal whisperer. my parents have this dog they love, but it bites people all the time. she is so skittish she has actually been banned by most do groomers in our area for biting. imagine my surprise when i came back to get dd one day after leaving her with my parents, and she had groomed the dog. picked the dog up, put her in a sink, bathed her, blew her dry, brushed her, and dressed her. WHAT???? after i got over being mad at my mom for putting my dd in danger, i was floored the dog allowed dd to do it, and the dd would care enough to try. now they are like best friends. weird. truly a different girl as far as animals go. but we had to work on it to get here.

for now, besides the obvious therapy, i'd say that no one gets to play with the dog without a parent around as this obviously just creates an opportunity for abuse. i'd also say that this child needs some 24 hour time....right next to you all the time all the waking day. trust me, it is hard. i hated every moment of it bc i felt completely trapped. but it was not forever, and it did help the situation we were in. i agree with the poster that said it will escalate to the baby...and i want to go a step further and ask, how do you know it is not already happening? just a thought...only bc i missed it at first, too.


this is not an easy road. i've been on it for almost 5 years. if you need an ear, pm me.

[AmyAnne]

Let me agree the 24 hour line of sight supervision thing is SOOO draining... but it does work.

[Barksum]

A parent cannot allow a child with your Ds's kinds of issues to be out of sight of either Mom or Dad. Ever. I would suggest that you watch closely and see if you can find out what else he is doing that you are not yet aware of...and sadly, but in all likelihood there will be more secret behaviors for you to find.

In my opinion your family needs to take immediate and very decisive steps to help your son right away. Your whole family will benefit as you address the problems head on, and quickly. Find a therapist who works with children who have traumatic backgrounds and who knows attachment disorders and how to work with families who have attachment disordered children.

Hang in there! (((hugs)))

[bethy724]

I am in agreement with the other posters - seek help ASAP & keep him in your sight at all times. If it means he can't go outside with the other children (or animals) while you have to do something inside than he can't - he needs to be in eyesight at all times for everybodys safety.

[redfred]

Thanks for all the responses. We called the psychiatrist again today and he bumped up our next appt. I'm trying to get him a new therapist ASAP. We've never allowed the kids to be alone with our dogs as my dog is large and my kids are still so small. He has been hurting him thru a fence. L is not allowed anywhere near the dog now. And we've always had a "gut feeling" to never allow him to be alone with the baby, or play around her when she is out of her crib or pack and play. That policy remains in place.
This morning I was still in shock of the fact that my little boy is hurting the dog. Yes, a very, very small part of me did think better the dog than the baby...but I'm not going to allow EITHER to happen again (no, he has not hurt the baby).

[tybeemarie]

This is a very serious situation. Animal cruelty is an indication of serious emotional disturbance and lack of conscience. The dog is in danger, as is any other animal that crosses this child's path. I'm a vegetarian with 4 rescued pets living with me, so this really hits me in the gut.

But as bad as it is for the poor, innocent dog, it is far worse for your son, who has gotten practice in directing his anger at violence toward a silent innocent. Scary, scary, scary! That he did this in a sneaky way is very consistent with what attachment disordered children do. They are like jewel thieves.

I 100% guarantee that this child has done things, terrible things, things that would make your hair stand on end, that you have no idea took place. Including harm to the baby. A "hug" for the baby, with adults right there, that was too tight, that included a pinch, that was not loving. I would be sure the dog's food is out of the reach of this child, and all detergents securely locked up, because poisoning the dog is something that could happen. For that matter, I would be sure he didn't get around your family's food.

My daughter, who has attachment disorder, terrorized a classmate last year for weeks on end. She would threaten her, scratch her, punch her, while not one, but two teachers were in the classroom of 22 kids. And they knew her history. It wasn't until this child started to pretend to be sick, and tearfully demanded to be taken home that the truth came out. It was awful.

I'm telling you, these kids do things with a sleight of hand that is beyond anything you or I could do. Their sneakiness is almost limitless.

If you don't have door alarms on his bedroom door, so you would be awakened if your five year old left his bedroom, get one TODAY--well, it's 10 p.m., let's say tomorrow then. If I had a baby in the house, I would have cameras installed in the house. I would wear that baby on me at all times, and there is no way I would let this child touch the baby at all. And the poor dog--the child can never be within arm's distance of this dog.

It really sucks to make your house Fort Knox, but your son will feel much safer if he knows you are providing him with the tight structure he needs. This is a very sick little boy. I am sorry things are so rough. I would implore you to get Nancy Thomas's video series on attachment disorder. It's very informative and has great, concrete, practical suggestions about how to organize your house so that everyone is safe and the child has the best opportunity to heal. It can be done, but only if the full extent of the illness is met head on. This little guy needs a lot of structure and a lot of love. Thirty minutes of snuggling time with you in the rocker, every day.

Let us know how things go.