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Originally Posted By Kitty

I'll be short and sweet here as I would like to get some responses from all of you wise, experienced, worldly adoption addicts as soon as possible!

Hubby and I are looking to adopt 2 sisters who are 11 and 12. I talked to their CW 2 weeks ago and she said that she would have their foster mom contact me to give me even more information on the girls. The younger girl (according to the SW and their file) is an easy-going, very sweet child. The older sister is having a really difficult time with being away from their mom (mom never said good-bye, etc, etc. It's that same kind of crap that drives all of us nuts!). The older sister was having too many problems so she is presently in a residential home. Apparently she is doing better. There weren't any problems there that we couldn't handle and help her through.

It had been 2 weeks and I hadn't heard anything. I left a message for their SW today and she called back when I wasn't home (of course!) and said that she was so glad that I had called. She had told the foster mom that I would be calling, she gave me the foster mom's number, and then said (YIKES, YIKES) that she is in the process of setting adoption committee and is just waiting for the exact date! OK, I'm assuming that means that we're going to committee, right? If that's the case, I want to be good darn and ready for it!!

I have a list of questions to ask the foster mom, but I wanted to get your input! If anyone has any advice, please lay it on me! I'm kind of freaking out right now... In a good way, of course.

Your humble student,

Kitty

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Originally Posted By Jerry

.........with the foster mom. Most foster parents are pretty decent about letting you know what the problem behaviors are. How they discipline, and how the children respond to them. You questions should be direct and to the point. Have either of the girls ever made allegations......etc. Then ask the foster mom if there is anything she wants you to know about the girls................of course that can open a can of worms.

If you're calling on the phone it may be a little difficult for the foster parent to "open up." Let her get to know you as well. Make sure she has time to talk, you don't want to get cut short because she has to go. Just ask her the best time to call if it's not conveinant to talk now. Don't get bullied either. We're pretty easy going people, but we've had our fill of ignorance lately and make our needs known..........and I'm not above pressing the issue until I do get an answer.

Good luck!!!!!!!!!

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We have been in the same situation as you. Except the girls were 7 and 8 and they were in our same county.

I think Jerry's advice is wonderful! All of it! I would add that maybe some specific questions you could ask might be:

--How would you describe the girls (personalities, behaviors, school work, home life, social life).

--What are their strengths.

--What are their problems.

--Is there anything that you would like me to know. (Jerry's wonderful ?)

And then be ready to question further about anything you still have questions about!

Good Luck and Congratulations in reaching this step!

Carla

P.S. - and yes we got the girls and they have been home for almost 2 years!

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We went to committee for 2 girls, 11 & 12 and were selected. After three weeks of visits (with escalating behavior from the older one), the SW got information about what was behind it and decided (and we agreed) that placement in our home was not best for the girls. There were issues that we couldn't address.

Ask whether the girls understand adoption and whether they WANT to be adopted. With children of this age, it will take lots of cooperation to successfully adopt.

Ask what experiences that you read about in the study have been worked through during counseling. Dig deeper for experiences which haven't been addressed in counseling because these are issues that will impact their future.