[Lylac]

No suggestions..I just wanted to say HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!! I'm sorry I forgot my only excuse is I was out of town away from my puter.

[Lorraine123]

What are some others I should look for?

Talking to your son without you is a biggie. I would not allow it. Anyone who is a true attachment therapist would talk with you first, then both of you.

Another thing, the therapist should not let your son control the session at all.

Also, be sure its about you and your son developing a relationship, not about the therapist and your son. The therapist is simply a facilitator between the two of you.

[Kat-L]

Originally Posted by momraine

I am making a list of red flags. Like if they want to do the counseling without me there. What are some others I should look for?

I would make sure the hospital staff know that YOU are the only one who should be providing lots of attention and care. They may get the urge to swoop in and mother him because he's so darn cute.

[momraine]

I think that was why the doctor, (funny, but the developmental ped, seems the most educated on RAD around here) is planning to call the program and lecture them on it. She is also going to be keeping an eye on things and has threatened to pull us out if she doesn't like what she sees. I think it will help that we are in an outpatient program rather than inpatient. I am figuring I will have to educate the staff, because he is adorable, and can look and act very pathetic. It was actually such a releif at Scottish Rite yesterday when the nurse told him to get up on the table and then to move over to the middle. It seems like a little thing, but most people just assume he can't do those things, she (working at a hospital that specializes in limb different children) assumed he could. The eating disorder clinic is part of a different children's hospital, that does not specialize in these type of children and in fact refers them to Scottish Rite. However the eating disorder program has a good reputation. He is cute and he knows how to use that to manipulate people. I hope these people are up to the job.

[ajjhmf]

I wonder if any of the Nancy Thomas DVDs would be helpful to show the program staff before you come and again while you are there.

[momraine]

That's a thought. I may suggest that to the doctor when she calls, I think they would take it better from her than from me.

[momraine]

Well, we leave early, early in the morning. I am very nervous! If I have internet I will update you guys, if not see you in three weeks.

[athikers]

Good luck!!!!!!!!!

[SAHmom]

Good luck...I hope you find the help your son needs!

[momraine]

We are here. I did get a room at Ronald McDonald and we do have internet. I am not sure yet how I feel about the program. They ended up putting him in a behavioral issues program instead. Interesting since away from me his behavior is mostly good. He did do the false accusations and he tried to get a teacher fired and he manipulates any adult that will let him. I mostly did paperwork today. It seems that in the morning he eats breakfast with me, then we go at 8:30, there is a group session with all parents and kids. I don't know the other kids issues, there are five all older than M. Then I get to leave, except tomorow I meet alone with the family therapist. She will tell me if I will have meetings with her and with him later and how often. The kids after the morning goals group with the parents have either social skills group or art therapy depending on the day. (art is once a week) Then they hae an hour for snack and free time tand then they have group therapy, or music therapy or an outing or activity that is theraputic. Then lunch, then school. Then there is a parent education time. (not much to it today) while the kids have free time and snack and then wrap up group, basically asking if each person had a good day. So far I don't see how he is going to get much out of this program. Perhaps the evenings alone with me will be of some benefit and because he is with new people he is eating one meal and two snacks a day for them. So that is something. However, I don't see how this will deal with his attachment issues. I am going to give it a few more days, before I judge though. So far I am not impressed. I spoke to a lady staying here who has an adopted child who went through this program and got nothing, she drove seven hours once a week to meet with an attachment therapist that did help her with his attachment, but not the eating issues, her son still has a tube. He did a feeding program at another hospital here that was three months and it helped some. I am thinking I don't want to stay three months! Part of me also feels very guilty because of all the time and money being spent on this child and meanwhile ignoring three others who are great kids who love me, and have been very patient so far.
Maybe things will look better in the morning.

[Lylac]

Hugs Mom!! We are all rooting for ya!!

[ajjhmf]

Mom,

I hate to say this, but any therapy away from you isn't going to help M at this point. It's just another chance for him to manipulate the people around him. As you've already said, he will eat for anyone but you.

Did they give you a reason for the program change? Personally, I wouldn't have felt comfortable with my child in a program like the one you are describing.

And sadly, when you have a child with issues like M's in home, it can be very hard on the other children in the family. I understand the guilt. I wish there was something I could say to make it better.

Sorry this is happening.

Jenny

[Lorraine123]

I totally agree with everything ajj said.

Any therapy that doesn't include you is NOT attachment therapy. I would never have my child do therapy without me in the room. I would insist on being in the room at all times.

Group therapy is not helpful for RADs either. They can manipulate the group too much. And besides, how does working with a group that doesn't include his parents help?

A RAD child will manipulate the therapist into thinking that they are fine and the parent (usually the mom) has the problem. And that is unhealthy on many levels.

Therapy for behavioral issues is very different than attachment therapy. Yes, they may be able to work on some behaviors, but unless attachment is developed, the behaviors will get worse in the long run.

Sorry to hear that they changed the program after you arrived.

And also - guilt for the other children in the home is just part of parenting a RAD child. The loving, giving children get pushed in the background while the spiteful, manipulative child gets all the attention. How twisted is that????

[crick]

How did it go today? Any answers to the change in program plans and their thoughts after you shared of why they are wrong?

((HUGS))

[tybeemarie]

Momraine,

I hope things are going okay. It is very frustrating when people who say they know about attachment in fact know nothing.

We went to a place that supposedly knew about it, and they did good assessments, but the treatment! There was individual therapy that went nowhere but only further served to make my oldest RADishy. Worse was group therapy, where 5 RADishes manipulated the daylights out of a Dan Hughes-trained therapist (don't get me started on the deficits in that model! I appreciate the empathy for the child, but there is NO understanding of parents). SUCH triangulation, and so frustrating, because in those days, the kids were still wards of the state and I couldn't simply fire them.

Fortunately, the therapist went behind my back and set up a meeting with ALL of my kids' teachers and the principal. The principal was not amused. Thank goodness they did that, because they got kicked off the case after that.

Anyway, it is very frustrating dealing with programs like this. The good news is, you are his mom, and can walk out if it gets too crazy. I will be interested to hear how this all plays out. So hard with someone as cute as your son, and with his ability to use his disability as a massive manipulation tool.