[skirbo]

And so the difficulties begin. I knew I was jinxing myself when I mentioned on my blog that the relationship w/ B was the only bright thing in my life right now.

Anyway, round about Wednesday night, she got a little attitude with me. It's not PMS, it's too late for that, as it were. I was not allowing her to stay home while I went to belly dance class (she now carries the FP belief that it is 'skanky and wrong', that's a whole other issue believe me). Anyway, I didn't let her stay home because we had to go to the bird store in that city and buy bird food. I also insisted that she spend $12 of her own money on a concrete perch for her cockatiel, whose nails are long because he doesn't have anything to wear them down with.

On the way to class, she said that she needed to start eating breakfast at home because they don't serve it at school. I told her that wasn't true, I knew they served it (they do). She quickly backpedaled and said 'I meant, I don't want to eat it, I want to eat at home.' Asked her why, she said she didn't know. So I talked to the therapist Thursday, who thinks she's just selfconscious and said to let her fix herself breakfast in the morning, no worries. At any rate, she did her homework during dance class and we came home.

Thursday night I gave her the option of continuing to clean her room (she was doing it voluntarily) or helping me clear the fence line in the yard so we can get the yard fenced asap. She wouldn't speak to me. When she finally did, she said she was practicing being quiet. Which I told her was great and I appreciated it, but at the same time, I need a verbal answer. She still wouldn't give me one, so I said I assume she wants to stay inside and went to the yard. I did offer her a choice, which I think I've been doing too much of lately.

This morning she wakes up and says she has a sore throat. She's given to complaining a lot about stuff. I told her she probably just needed a drink. She got ready, was quiet, went outside to wait for the bus. I was leaving early on the motorcycle and she then proceeded to tell me how to back it up properly, never actually having ridden one herself. (She's going to do that herself tonight, assuming things don't get ridiculous.)

Then I get a call from the school about 10 saying she's got a sore throat and complaining of dizziness. I told the nurse she does the dizzy thing a lot when nothing else works. The nurse said she wasn't running a fever but her throat was a little red. I asked the nurse if her gut feeling was that B was fine, and she said yes. So I said send her back to class and tell her we'll pick up something for her throat tonight.

Fast forward to 3:15 when she gets off the bus. No phone call. I give her the benefit of the doubt with the animals and wait till 3:30-no call, so I call her. I call every few minutes after that. At 3:45 I'm straddling the bike to go home and she calls. I asked her where she's been and she says 'asleep in my room'. She says she forgot to call me, which is one of my few cardinal rules. Told her I was finishing my day at work but that we were going to have a talk when I get home. Obiviously, she's attempting to exercise control and I have to wrest it back.

Okay folks... consequences. I'm thinking she doesn't do anything fun this weekend, doesn't get any alone time out of the house this weekend since she apparently can't be responsible. I've told her about it, but obviously I've waited too long to set up the chore board, since her helpfulness dropped off a lot this week, too. She is really looking forward to going to the state fair next weekend. I'm hesitant to take it away from her at this point since this is the first 'violation' so to speak, just a couple of crabby days in a row. Chores and homework all weekend and next week-fair next weekend if she is compliant. No fair if she isn't.

Anyone have any other thoughts on what to do?? Or not to do? I mostly stayed at work to formulate a plan and be sure I can be completely calm.

Sarah

[lucyjoy]

Other then not calling you, I'm not sure it's fair to make an issue out of the rest of it-well, maybe the non verbal answer.

Not calling and the sore throat would buy no plans for the weekend. "Since your not feeling well and too tired to call, I think it would be best to stay here and rest."

You did ASK if she wanted to do the chores. Don't ask if they are not optional. I don't use a chore chart, I just tell the kids what I expect them to do. If they don't do it, life stops until they remember how.

[skirbo]

Thanks Lucy. Coming outside with me was optional, I'm not irked about or anything other than it supports the pattern of junk behavior I'm seeing the last few days.

The not calling thing is the big deal and was deliberate. The sore throat thing is just an obvious and probably typical teen thing to do, I suppose. I just don't want us to fall further into this sort of cycle.

Sarah

[crick]

As with anything, I think you would be better off to pick your battles. The no call is a cardinal rule you said, so that sounds like the battle to pick, imo.

The sore throat thing...well...you didn't go pick her up as she likely hoped, right? So that was her result and your decision, so you did stop that cycle at that point.

Sounds to me like she's feeling you out and testing you, so just keep sticking to your rules and let her know that you will stick to the rules and the consequences. The "small stuff" can build up, sure, but it's easier to respond to the small stuff if you ignore some of it and pick the bigger battles, imo.

[momraine]

I like the idea of canceling the fun things because you are worried about her getting sicker. Maybe even a bland supper to help her throat get better or something. Just treat her with lots of TLC, but no fun since she is probably too sick to go anywhere. It might make her think twice about pretending sick again. Lots of rest should help her recover nicely. Rest in bed with no TV that is. Also perhaps the next couple of times she wants to stay home alone, you tell her you are worried she will fall asleep again and forget to call her. Be all concerned for her safety and you are just trying to take care of her. More natural consequences.