[jumpingfroggy]

I have been invited to attend a matching picnic next week. Any suggestions on what to do or not to do. Or any suggestions on behaviors to look for in the children?

Thanks.

[AmyAnne]

I have been to a matching party before. There's generally rules for one that they will go over in the beginning. First and formost, do not mention adoption to the kids. Do not mention placement. Most of them know why they're there, but the goal is to be a fun, interactive day.

Do not think the behavior you see at the picnic is the behavior you will get when/if the child is placed with you.

Approach it as a fun day to try out your parenting skills, not like "kid shopping".

We were not matched at our match party, but I am glad we did it anyhow.

[DianeS]

Matching parties can be an opportunity for you to get your family in contact with other workers, too. Get your face and name out there, make some aquaintences, etc.

Each worker who is there has MANY more children on their caseload than just the ones at the party.

Another thing matching parties can do is help break down preconceptions. Like you might learn that a child in a wheelchair can still enjoy a playground. Or you might see that a hyper child can be calm and fun to be around - AFTER he's had an hour of hard play. Or that a child with CP can still be accepted as a good playmate.

Or you may see some difficult things too. People who assume that siblings placed together are good together may notice that siblings fight just as much in foster care as they do in bio homes. Things like that.

If you think of the matching picnic as a big kiddie get-together, in a way similar to family reunions or sunday school picnics, or elementary school field days, and you're just there to interact with the children, and everybody is there to have fun - then you'll probably get more out of the picnic than most people.

[zebramom]

One big red flag is if a child is VERY friendly or charming with you right away. It means there is parent shopping going on. Play up to the next person they meet, because this might be mom and dad. That does NOT mean this is what the child is going to be like at home.

Look at kids eyes. Kids who have attachment issues have "blank" eyes. There is no emotion in them. They also do a lot of fake smiling.

Even if you're not matched with one of the kids at the picnic, it will give you insight when you meet other kids.

Good luck and hope all goes well.