[Tudu]

It goes from bad to worse. My oldest, the one that never gets in trouble, is a good student, rarely actually crosses the line but always touches it, always bossy and controling towards the younger children, very parentified and of course has RAD has confessed (after she was caught) she has been molesting 2 of my younger kids for months. We have dealt with sexually acting out but this is different, she is YEARS older than they are, she tells them they will get in trouble, and she makes it a game. She has no remorse and is only concerned that the kids will tell her friends.

I reported it immediately this AM and am waiting on a call back from my agency. The new AT refuses to come out until DFCS has done their thing and she is sure they will do an investigation b/c of the age difference and circumstances. I don't know if they will remove her or what. She is certainly a danger to others and probably herself now. I tried to assure her that we love her and are by her side but this is seriously wrong and she will have to face the music. We told her this is not who she is, it is something she has done.

I have a ton of mixted emotions, mad, sad, disappointed, shocked, scared, and just about anything else you can imagine. It confirms how disturbed she truely is. What now? Can I really fool myself into thinking I can keep everyone safe? Obviously, I didn't. I blame myself, her, her parents, my DH and DFCS for not seeing this or doing this to her. How do I make the little ones feel safe? We have all the things in place to keep them safe. My kids scream when someone accidentally brushes their privates but when threatened by her they clammed up. If my DH hadn't walked in her room, we might never have known. She had shut her door, a big no no in our house, so he went to tell her to open it and he saw 2 little one in there and they jumped. I have had a few ify feelings about her and my son but never imagined this. Almost any other child in this house wouldn't have surprised me tis much.

ANy one else have advice or experience? What should I expect to hapen to her? Will she be charged at 11 yrs old? Will they make her move? Should I ask her to get residential treatment? WHat other things can I do protect the others and her?

[crick]

I'm so sorry Tudu!! How frightening for all of you and I hope the experienced parents on here will have advice for you.

(((HUGS)))

[redfred]

I am sending hugs and prayers your way, for you, your younger children, and older daughter.

[Mkuhlmann06]

OH Tudu! Im so sorry... what a situation. I have no advice to give, but hope someone can provide you some direction and support.

I definitely think the youngest two should see a therapist quickly to start processing what has happened to them. As for your oldest, Im not sure what will happen... you have to protect your other children, that's for sure.

BIG HUG to you... and my thoughts are with you and your entire family.

[kay]

Tudu,
I'm so very sorry! I have no experience or advice, but can imagine how devastated you must be. You love all your children so much, and to be able to step back and do what's best for each of them will be heartbreaking at best. Sending hugs and prayers.

[zebramom]

Tudu-

I am so sorry. I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but I don't.

One thing I did learn, is make sure that you have a third party in during any questioning by the investigating worker!

Prayers headed your way.

[Lylac]

Tudu, I'm sorry your going through this. I have no experience with this. Sending hugs & prayers.

I second what Z said about a third party.

[skirbo]

Tudu, I'm so sorry!!

I would say again that the best defense is a good offense. By offense here, I mean, since they already know what measures you have in place in your home that are supposed to prevent this, ask them what type of therapy she needs to be gotten into. Ask them if they have any RTC or other inpatient/outpatient juvenile sex offender programs that they can recommend.

I guess more than being on the 'offense', being proactive is what I am talking about. And in a way, the timing is fortunate. This has come up when your current cw is there to support you, in that she has known the kids and their history far better than a new cw will.

Good luck! If you need anything, don't hesitate to pm for my number.

Sarah

[ajjhmf]

Tudu

I am so sorry you are dealing with this.

It's hard to know how they will handle this as every agency seems to do things a bit differently. We were able to keep D in our home when we dealt with this. We had a line of sight safety plan in place as well as an alarm on his door. If I had to run to the bathroom, J came with me or D went in his room with the alarm on.

The investigation part consisted of a detective coming to the house to interview the boys seperately (our CW was tehre as our 3rd party) and J having to go to the hospital for a physical exam and another series of interviews. We also took D to be evaluated by a few different programs that treat sexualy reactive kids.

It hope some this helps you. Our outcome wasn't a good one, but that isn't always the case.

Hang in there, sweetie.

Jenny

[Tudu]

As you proabably figured, I have been on the phone all day. If I haven't said it lately, I love my agency! They, too, suggested they be here for any investigation or conversation with DFCS. They have called the Office of Adoptions to see what they suggest at this point, whether to call the county we live in or the county their are from. They determined it was best to handle this with the county they are from. My agency is coming out Monday to put a Safety Plan in writing and assured me it was everything I have already suggested and nothing more. They are completely supportive and feel there is nothing I could have done to prevent this other than what I was doing and that she went around all the rules to do this. She was considered by them, as well, to be trustworthy and they are as shocked as we are.

Our new AT was hesitant about getting involved in the middle of an ivestigation but my agency contacted the owner of the center and he agrees they will immediately do an assessment of her needs to come up with a treatment plan to best help everyone in our family. He is fully aware of our history and feels the best thing is to get the new AT right in the middle of this quickly. We should see her this afternoon in our home with a team of therapists. They will discuss our options of treatment for her inpatient and out.

We are still waiting to hear from the kids' CW and since she struggles to do things in a timely manner I wouldn't be surprised if we don't until Monday. She has a scheduled visit in place for that morning so my agency will be to support us.

Both my DH and I are hopeful we can get this under control with very strict monitoring of her behavior and line of sight supervision. We also agree if this is EVER an issue again she will never live in this house but will always be our child. I have to protect them and her assaulting them is not negociable. I know some will disagree with keeping her here, this behavior began before she ever knew us and the damage to all my children is done. I have horrible butterflies and am shaking with emotions. I pray I am making the right decisions for all of my children. I am not one to give up easily or look past dangerous behavior but this is a child doing this. I trusted her too much and I see my error, I will never make that mistake again.

[Lylac]

Hugs Tudu, we're here if you need us!

[musemoon]

Wow, it sounds like you are doing all of the right things...

Poor kids :-( Why do parents to this to their children :-( why?

Your beautiful kids will get through this, they have you and your DH....hugs and love!

[AmyAnne]

HUGS Tudu. I am so sorry to hear this.

Please don't blame yourself. These kids are masters at keeping things under wraps. You aren't superwoman, hon, and you are doing a heck of a job. This does not reflect badly on you or your DH's parenting skills.

[lambeausam]

I am so glad that your agency