[Tudu]

I had a friend that had been dx with a brain tumor when she decided to have some tingling in her arm checked out. She has required a ton of my attention b/c they admitted her and performed emergency surgery the next morning. She survived the surgery and has begun chemo. She has had to terminate her pregnancy and move to her parent's home several hours away. I do not think her long term relationbship will survive this.

We have had to put a plan in place for my son due to his increasing violence. He will be entering a facility the next time he is a danger to himself and others. His rages are getting out of control and scary to him. His AT thinks he is starting to feel something and can't handle it. I am concerned b/c his school is starting to privately talk to my children and ask questions about marks on his body. He gave himslef a rug burn on his face during a rage and is happy to tell anyone he did it to himself but they didn't believe him and asked 3 of my other children. Last weekend the new puppy bit his arm and he required a trip to the hospital that was probably over kill on our part but just to be sure he went. The school again separated my kids and asked questions about that and other small scratches on them. Nothing was done about it but it is a growing concern for me. I am very grateful I document everything, photogragh all boo boos, and contact our SW.

That is another issue in itself, contacting our SW will not be an option in the very near future. We have a date for finalization....October 18th. I am sure it will be postponed due to a new law requiring us to be rechecked by the FBI and the it is not back yet.

We have been nominated by our agency to be the Adoptive Family of the Year for someone but I do not have all the details yet. They called to tell us we were nominated a while back and that we were one of the finalists. We will attend a lovely awards luncheon with all the kids and pray for good behavior and a grand prize beyond our imagination. Ok, not likely but fun to dream.

My friend had her baby and has decided to parent with lots of pushing from me. I had hoped all along she would parent but I am concerned now that she claims she feels nothing for him and that she is not bonding at all. She still wants me on the back burner, just in case, but I am moving on.

Oh, and our AT jsut gave notice 2 weeks ago and we are waiting for a new one to contact us. She has already been assigned to us and briefed on us but I am concerned she is not up to snuff with Attachment. SHe is experienced in sexual abuse and we will put her skills to the test there but our old AT was not clear about her exp with attachment.

[Lylac]

TUDU!! I was just asking about you last night!! We figured life had ya locked down. Congrats on "a" finalization date. I'm so sorry about your friend and also sorry about your friend and her baby
We're so glad to hear from you!!

[lucyjoy]

Tudu-you must have heard Lylac looking for you! We were hoping you were gone for happy reasons. I'm so sorry you have so much to deal with. The school situation does sound very alarming. Have you approached them at all? It didn't help with my school system, even when the GAL wrote them a letter confiming that my kids were in fact injuring themselves.

Can you get the AT to write a letter concerning your son to keep with you should the need arise?

Can you ask to interview the new assigned therapist to see if she is familiar with your children's attachment needs?

I hope life improves for you soon. I'm glad there is a plan in place for your son and I hope you won't ever need it.

[Barksum]

Tudu! ((hugs)) So sad to hear about all that has been happening. Those are heavy issues, one and all! Glad to see you back and hope that things level out significantly in the VERY near future.

[tybeemarie]

Tudu,

Wow. I am so sorry about your friend's cancer, your son's rages, the very scary school situation, and the newbie AT. Just writing that list makes me feel anxious and sad.

I hate to say it, but you might consider homeschooling. You know things are really bad when *I*, who fear homeschooling more than almost anything, suggest it. I find it very disturbing that they're separating your kids and asking questions. What an experience for your girls! Ai yai yai! Or perhaps homeschooling's too extreme a solution, especially with so many kids. Another public school, perhaps? Or a parochial school? I'm sorry this is so hard.

And on the AT front, finding a good AT is SOOOOOO hard. We had to switch AT's once our kids weren't making further progress. I LOVE our new AT and feel optimism about the kids' potential to heal with her. That's what you need and DESERVE to feel with an AT. It just really kills me that there aren't enough AT's out there, and so many of us find we have to settle with good enough, we hope.

I will keep you in my prayers.

[tybeemarie]

In all my freaking out over your situation, I grotesquely neglected to congratulate you on finalizing your adoption! Congratulations! It really is so nice when there isn't a caseworker coming by every month and leaving chaos in their wake.

And you SO deserve to be foster parents of the year, my gosh! I hope you have a wonderful, wonderful evening. So well deserved!

[Tudu]

Lylac, maybe that is why my ears have been tingling.

Tybee, the school is fully aware of our family's severe issues and they brought in their psychologist for an IEP meeting a few weeks ago for my son. At the time I was surprised to see so many folks in a simple meeting but felt alot of support at the same time. Now I am grateful b/c she was very educated about RAD and put the administration and teachers in their place. I think she would be more than willing to add her input again if needed. So far they are only asking questions and making sure all the stories match. I refuse to homeschool, they would drive me nuts.

Lucy, we do carry a letter and I had to use it yesterday, unfortunately.

My 8 yr old dd hit her sister and ran off to her room. The kids had a neighbor kid over and he followed her up and asked to be let in. Of course this is a big no no in our house, friends do not go into our rooms especially alone. She let him in as I was heading up the stairs and when I opened the door and requested he go home I reached out to grab her hand and pull her out from behind the door she started screamming. I am so used to this that I barely respond and continued touching her hand (yes, only touched her not yanked or punched as she made it sound) telling her to come out from behind the door and leave it open. She threw herself to the ground yelling not to hurt her anymore. That is exactly what the little boy looked like. He was very slow to move and was sure I had beaten her from the sound of her voice. He refused to leave, I guess he was thinking he was gonna save her.

I had to go to his house and explain things to his parents, something I had hoped to avoid in our nice new neighborhood, you know we didn't want to stand out anymore than we already do. I was concerned they wouldn't believe me so I showed them the letter. They couldn't have been nicer. The other neighbor that has adopted 15 kids over the last 25 years had already given her the scoop about her kids so she was aware that some kids could have some emotional baggage. They also have a special needs child of their own and deal with tantrums and rages in a milder form. All in all, I think it went better than I had anticipated.

[Lorraine123]

Hugs to you Tudu. The school situation is very hard. I am home schooling now and, in reality, its easier. I NEVER thought I would say such a thing, but the stress of the unknown was so much greater. I'm glad your school has an understanding of RAD. How scary it is when they don't.

I am sorry about your therapist. Again, the unknown is so scary. Good luck with the new one.

Congrats on the finalization!!!! Very exciting!!!!

Glad you came an gave update. Everyone has been asking about you.

[SAHmom]

Tudu, congrats on your upcoming adoptions. Sorry to hear about everything else you are going through!

[musemoon]

WOW TUDU !!!!!!!!!!!

Crazy mad love (like I said on your blog) and um, now after reading this....huge squeezy bear hugs too.

I have said it before and may just utter it before I die. You are one of the most inspirational people I have ever (not) met :-)

How you do it???? a mystery.

Cancer is horrid....I am holding a thought of love for your friend, I pray that she finds healing and continues her journey towards a family and health...(closes eyes, sheds a tear...wow!)

And your dear son...God bless him and his healing journey. You know one day when he's grown, he's gonna give you, like a three word sentence of deep felt thanks (not cause he's a SA/RADISH) but cause...he'll be a big strong man...and they tend to use as little words as they can in a sentence :-)

We all adore you....keep on keeping on....cause if you don't, I don't see how some of us could....ya know.

[Guppy]

Echoing what others have said.

[AmyAnne]

You've had a go of it this month that's for sure.

HUGS to you and Congrats on the upcoming finalization. I will post more on this when I have time but I am SOOO glad to see you back.

[skirbo]

(((((Tudu)))))

Have been wondering about you myself. Congrats on the good stuff, hugs on the bad stuff.

BTW, if it was me, I would call the school and set up a meeting with all the teachers, principals, etc., and get your caseworker to sit in, at least by phone if necessary. You might even need to set all the facts and reminders of the therapist position in writing to deliver at the meeting.

Remind them about what the attachment therapist said and flat out tell them that they are damaging your kids by separating them and questioning them in this fashion. That it won't be tolerated, period. That if you hear of it happening again you'll immediately call the school board and superintendent and get their input on the situation, demanding a formal hearing into the matter if necessary.

Insist that they call to speak to you if they find anything that they want to question, and if they don't like your explanation then they can call in a report, but they are not trained or qualified to question *your* attachment disordered kids about anything not related to their schoolwork. Period.

A scary tactic to try, but sometimes the best defense is a good offense. Your caseworker can fill the new county's investigators in on the history and situation of these kids with a well written letter and you shouldn't have trouble.

Sarah (Can you tell I'm in a feisty mood today?)

[kay]

Tudu,
Sympathy, hugs, love - and congrats on the award! You sure deserve it . . .
Glad to "see" you back . . .