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Originally Posted By Keagan

Kids are like cats or horses… social creatures, the more the merrier.

I thought everything was great at our house when it was just my son and I. Then I adopted Mark. The dynamics between the two of boys was nothing I could ever had provided for him. On the other hand Mark came with a wad of problems. I was (am) now in a position where I have one child whom I have an unquestioned trust in, and another whom I have NONE!!! The fights are not your simple brotherly fights. There is a powerful, scary sibling rivalry/jealously that I am forever trying to monitor and balance. Last week, Mark, knowing that Michael is deficient in his reading, tried to pursue him to put diesel fuel in the car. Michael told Mark, “I may not know how to read well, but I know that’s diesel and Dad told me to never use that.” I know that Mark wanted that to get Michael into trouble to move himself up a notch. He sees and covets the bond between Michael and I. While I explained that our love and relationship grew over time, and that there were times that I didn’t’ even like Michael. That’s not good enough for him, he wants it now, by any means necessary. Sabotage, preferably. -

In church I have to hug both of them. If one sits next to me in a chair, I have to make sure there’s room for other. After our grace before a meal I always kiss their hands. I’ve since learned that they keep tabs on who was the first one kissed the last time and it goes on like that in everything!!!!

I decided that my next son would not be within the same age range, I don’t want to compound an already crazy situation with more madness. God willing my next son will be 16 year old. Three years ago I would have looked at you as if you were possessed if you had told me I would have so readily considered a 16 year old. You would think that after once being on that side I’d understand other’s apprehensions, but it seems too far back to recall. I’ve learned and experienced too much to even remotely grasp how they must feel.

In closing, am I suggesting that anyone who adopts one child, adopt a second? No, there are children for whatever reason will regress or just haven’t developed the social skills to live with another child. There are other kids who just need to be center of attention, extra love, and extra assurance. Having to compete with another child would only force them to recoil.

When all is said and finished I will have four boys. My son’s Michael has a brother a year older who is in a residential treatment facility. He has been neglected and essential abandoned by his “parents”. Consequently, he never improves, he has no reason to try. Within the past year, after finally tracking him down I committed myself as his surrogate dad. I get weekly updates from his worker and calls from him, I’m informed if he needs anything and in general try to provide him with a since of family. I want him to be able to say, “My Dad…” His worker told me that he is now a happy child and appears to have taken an interest in himself and the program.

In the meantime I ask myself, “What have I gotten myself into?”

No regrets (yet.. lol)

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Originally Posted By Pam

My biological son was six and he acquired a sibling who was two months older than he was. The fighting never ended until they both grew up and moved out. I'd love to say they are now the best of friends, but they really aren't. Too much resentment. It was mostly a fight to be the "good" kid. I always try to warn people of the fantasy that kids will be great pals. They may be...and they may hate each other...my two boys hated each other for a long time. Again, I find it much easier now that I have a bunch of kids. They seem to all just find a way to get along and have fun. But that only child, used to all the undivided attention, is not always as thrilled as we'd like him/her to be to be getting a sister or brother, especially if the child is the same age or older. So....I guess I'm saying, I understand. good luck

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Originally Posted By Mike

Funny you would mention adding other children...

Last night, I was having my nightly phone call to Jimmy when he asked me "Mike, after I come home forever (his phrase), are you gonna adopt another kid?" HUH???!?!?!?!

I said "Nah, I might decide to sell you to the circus instead". (This is a little joke between us)

He said "Well, I just wondered since I'd really like to have a brother. And you're a really good Dad."

Hmm, has my destiny slipped out of my hands??

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but there is something about seeing what is out there and having a larger family. We already have 5 who are 7 and under, but I often think I would like to have another girl so that my one daughter would have a sister. LOL.

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We were out hiking in the mountains at a state park Saturday morning - Ralph was still in his funk (see post below) and said something again about not wanting to be here - his sister didn't miss a beat and said, "good, if you're not going to stay can I have a sister instead?" What an answer...