[athikers]

My 23 month old is following me EVERYWHERE and screams (loudly) if I leave her (for example to use the bathroom) she even screams when she wakes up in the morning, usually hubby gets up with the kids and I get to "sleep in" until 7 - which wakes up all the others. We are at our wits end. Anyone dealt with this? What do you suggest. It is incredibly difficult to deal with, especially when you add in that when she gets frustrated she attempts to hit/kick the babies and self-injure. She is by far more difficult than her medically fragile brother.

[lucyjoy]

I don't know at what developmental age kids are suppose to deal with object permanance but I know lots of neglected kids get stuck there. They really think that if they cannot see you, you don't really exist. It's a pretty terrifying place for them to get stuck. My 15 year old just got unstuck from there in the last year.

With one her age, play lots of peekaboo type games and now you see me, now you don't but I'm still here.

Take a picture of you and her together and give it to her to keep with her. Spray your perfume on a t-shirt or on a pillowcase to sleep with.

Hang in there. It will get better.

[athikers]

Well, unrelated to this issue, we requested her immediate removal and she's being picked up this afternoon. She climbed over a double decker baby gate this morning (at least three feet over her head) and was at the top of a very steep set of wooden steps. We don't feel we can safely care for her, since the kids bedroom is at the top of these steps which she is completely incapable of going down on her own. And we don't wish to be liable for a really impressive climber getting seriously injured or killed.

Yuck.

Teeter stays put because he's medically fragile and there are no nurses scheduled until Tuesday. But, my guess is he will be moved next week as well.

I don't like this one bit, but I couldn't live with myself is something happened to her, and as our upstairs is designed there is no possible way to do door alarms or any such feature.

[zebramom]

We had the same thing here Ath, and it drove me nuts for a while. I totally understand.

When you "leave" can you tell her where you're going? "Mommy is going to the bathroom. I'll be right back." My kiddo would then wait outside the bathroom door and talk to me. As soon as I opened the door, she was there waiting. I have a dog that does this too, but it's less annoying

Can she sleep in a sleeping bag on the floor next to your bed? I'm not sure how this would work with your feeding schedules, etc., but it might help her to wake up and see you there.

Try to give her words for her feelings. "I know you're scared that Mommy is leaving, but I'm right here."

Hide and seek might be a good game and give her a piece of candy or a hug when she finds you.

It's a very frustrating time, especially when you'd just like a little peace for yourself. Hugs.-

[athikers]

Another update... they won't remove her until Tuesday, which means two maybe three (these two are HARD to place) glorious nights with a whiny, clingy two year old in the same room as hubby and me. We did get verbal authority from our licensing worker to put her in our room downstairs. Not a good long term solution, but I suppose we will survive three days of it.

They will very likely removed Teeter at the same time in an effort to keep the kids together. Boy, having only Pixie is going to seem SOOOOOOO easy after the three weeks we've had.

[Sissy22]

unfortunatley alot of younger placements we've had (1-4) do tend to cling ugh don't know what to tell you hang in there i guess and see what happens tuesday !

[saranbr]

Our recently adopted son from Guatemala who is nearly 4 1/2 yrs old does the same thing and it is driving me CrAzY. Thank God I have locks on my bathroom doors. He is constantly under my feet in the kitchen or standing next to me when I am on the computer trying to get an hours work done (during my "maternity leave") breathing on my hand as I type. Honestly, if I don't get a little space, I'm not sure how I am going to attach with this kid!

[waited2long]

I'm sorry Athikers...

I hope the siblings find a great new home.

[Barksum]

Oh, yeah. BTDT. Our oldest adopted child was 2.5 when placed with us. Even tho he'd been in an excellent foster home, the first year of life was SO chaotic and neglectful that he had some heavy issues to work through. I could not be out of sight. Ever. He would have hysterics for over an hour if I went to the bathroom with the door closed. (Hysterics as in hyperventilating, almost passing out, uncontrollable shaking, etc.) Tantrums were 1-3 hours long, depending on the trigger. He would become self-injurious while tantrumming, so we put him in his crib and I would sit just out of sight but would talk to him until he calmed down. Oh, yeah. Talk about TIRED!!

If you have time before they are moved you might research 'anxious attachment', and grief and loss in toddlers. Sounds like you will be mostly working on surviving the next few days and THAT'S OK, too. Don't beat yourself up about not being able to do all the homework and research and 'being a better caregiver' for these kids. It's ok to draw the line, and it's ok to not have ALL the answers.

The little ones who've been abused, neglected, lived in too much chaos and had too much of adult life thrust on them at too young an age can be VERY challenging to parent. They don't understand so you can't 'reason' with them, they get 'stuck' at developmental levels way below their chronological age, they have very high emotional and physical needs. Usually beyond what one would/could imagine for their age.

I think the hardest time of my life was when we had two toddlers who had been systematically and severely neglected. Talk about issues...and talk about being totally unprepared for that level of need! I thought I was going crazy, literally. No sleep, constant manipulation, weird behaviors, developmental delays, appts for weigh ins and therapy sessions to address the neglect issues, and on and on. The older toddler was up ALL NIGHT whimpering and feigning sleep. The younger one would cry outright, but then act like she was asleep when I'd go in there to check on her. The older one would 'injure' herself all day long to get attention, as well as using a full-blown totally infant act to get attention. It was actually nauseating to watch because it was such an obviously manipulative act that screamed attachment disorder. HOLY COW. I almost went under for the third time when they were in my home. And I felt so very, very guilty for requesting that they be moved.

So, (((hugs))). Hang in there.

[cpipitone]

No advice. Just big hugs to you. Good luck over the next few days.

[athikers]

Hubby and I are getting wishy-washy on the move, so I guess its good they didn't move her immediately. We're thinking we might ask our placement worker to come out tomorrow and brainstorm ideas to keep her safe upstairs (their bedroom is a converted attic, one very large room, and the door to the room is at the BOTTOM of the steps, AND there is an L shaped half-rail around the steps at the top, but they are not enclosed - for now we can't think of anything we could do, we'll see).

[Sissy22]

would a baby gate fit at top of stairs ? just an idea

[athikers]

If you see in my original post, she climbed over not one, but TWO baby gates set up one on top of the other. Don't ask me how. I couldn't do it if my life depended on it. She's a little houdini.

[ajjhmf]

AT,

I don't know what kind of gates you used, but they do make stair specific ones. These are actually bolted in, swing open and only have horizontal pieces at the top and bottom. Our is metal and my little climbers have never been able to get over them.

Here is a link to the one we used.

Safety 1st | SmartLight Stair Gate

Hope this helps.

Jenny

[Sissy22]

wow good luck w/that one that's crazy !