[2manyks]

i have been talking with our sons bmom. she is a great person, but i only spent 2 weeks with her around the time of his birth, then we have just talked on the phone and exchanged letters since. she lives across the country from me. she is now pg again and has asked us to parent this baby also. here is the question: how do i spot an adult who has RAD? my 7 yo dd has RAD. i know what it looks like in a child and i am starting to see similiarities in *C*. she has told me a few lies that i know of. other things, like placing 3 babies for newborn adoption make me wonder. she was abused as a child, placed in fostercare when she was 12 and adopted when she was 14. the way she complains about her amom makes me laugh cause i know what its like to raise children from the fostercare system and she must have been a treat to raise. she is now a grown adult almost 30 yrs old. anyone have any experience with something like this or know any good reading material? i feel sometimes like i am being manipulated and sometimes she lies to me when it doesnt realy matter. sounds too familiar, doesn't it?

[aspenhall]

I am fairly certain my dd's bmom has RAD...bmom was sexually aused by bio dad til age 11 (he went to prison), then mom lost custody of her and she went into the fostercare system and aged out.

She has had 2 failed marriages, one was to an amazing guy, who she abandoned along with her other children at x-mas. It seems the older the kids get the less she can do the job. And she seemed really unattached to my dd...almost like a bystander.

I know she has lied to me but so far it has been stuff that didn't matter much in the long run...but I still hope that with this new baby she has, that she is healed enough to make THIS one work...the sad part is her utter lack of support from ANYONE...no one in her life is stable either...

[TxMom65]

I've read before that kids who have RAD sometimes have Borderline Personality Disorder as adults. BPD have trouble forming lasting relationships, sometimes trouble keeping a job, may engage in self destructive behaviors, attention seeking, nothing is ever their fault, and they cause chaos where there is peace.

[stevenstwin]

Originally Posted by TxMom65

I've read before that kids who have RAD sometimes have Borderline Personality Disorder as adults. BPD have trouble forming lasting relationships, sometimes trouble keeping a job, may engage in self destructive behaviors, attention seeking, nothing is ever their fault, and they cause chaos where there is peace.

that sounds exactly like my fs's step-mom! She was an abused child herself, and has now lost all four of her own children (well, legally lost 2 and just lost interest in the other 2!). Fs's dad doesn't have the same past abuse issues (although his father was an alcoholic who walked out on the family several times) but interestingly, BOTH are diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder.

[2manyks]

bmom told me today her mom is bi-polar. i see this manic-depression in *C* sometimes too, although she has never been diagnosed. today she was having a really hard time. she told me she would *end it all* exxcept she doesnt want to leave her children in the mess she lives. she knows she needs to be here for her children, but she is having a really hard time right now.

[Indy]

Txmom65, you just described M1 to a tee! When I saw your posting, I started looking around on the internet for more information on borderline personality. What I found was pictures of M1 all over the place!

Thank you

[zebramom]

I read a book on Borderline Personality Disorder when I was preparing for the presentation I did for the ATN conference. It fits my son perfectly, and is actually all those "other" labels rolled into one.

The book is “Lost in the Mirror: An Inside Look at Borderline Personality Disorder”