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Originally Posted By Deana

The first foster child we had go home was the hardest and I didn't think I would do it again but then I decided that just because something might upset and hurt me emotionally doesn't mean its not worth doing. The children are more important than our feelings and I do cry when they leave but I hope they are better off for all we did and if you can see them after they are back home or with a relative and they look good it helps. Our first one is still the hardest because when you see her now she is dirty and does not look better off but unfortunately we can't control these things. I know what you mean about the families getting so many chances and that is one of the really frustrating things with foster care. What the foster parents think often doesn't count. Its easier not to get too attached if you know they are definitely leaving but when you don't know which way it will go it can be an emotional rollercoaster. Our foster baby is 5 months old and we have had her for 3 months. She was suppose to go home after one month and then that got changed and now I hear she may never go home or if the Mom makes the Dad move out she may be back home in a few months. I never know what to think or what might happen. The worst thing I think was with our first foster baby we were told it was possible fos-adopt and then they called one day and said we are coming to get her tomarrow morning. Talk about a shock. I suggest you call the worker often to try to stay up to date with what is going on because things can change fast. And expect anything.

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I just worry that even if mom does lose the baby that there are plenty of other relatives that would probably be considered before us.

Although I try not to, I do daydream, pretend and pray that she can stay. I know that whatever is meant to be will happen and I just have to keep faith.

A

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That needs to be my mantra.
"The children are what's important"...

A's mom told us to remember that when she goes home we can come and visit anytime. I think that would be hard, as you mentioned. If I saw here dirty or crying I think that would kill me.

but, first things first. Make it through each day and remember that it's for her.

A

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Originally Posted By Rinda

Things I've seen the 5 years I was a FP
Kids returned to b-parent who has molested him/her but was overturned on appeal. Then physically hurt through sex abuse the child and the child returned to foster care and put in residential treatment.

Child returned even when b-parents tell the SW they don't want the kid back

Parent got a kid back because she "proved" she wasn't schizophrenic then began collecting disability for being schizophtrnic.

Foster parent accused and arrested for breaking a 4 month old's leg after a unsupervised visit with 17yob-mom who had MR and has lost an older child due to severe abuse. Later charges were dropped aginst FP.

And if you really want a negative view of FPs go to that alligations board that was post a while back.

I was accused of pulling out a child's hair (5yb with severe emotional problems who had been pulling out his own hair since he was 18 months old) (we had documented evidence, I only had him a year, but know FPs who had him from 2 to 3 years) (He has been in and out of foster care a lot even though b-mom has given birth to 9 children and never provided for any at more then a 1 1/2 year consecutive period of time.)

My point is it takes some kind of a saint which I am not. (It is also too hard on my children and my extended family.)

But it is through foster parenting that the Lord sent me my wonderful daughters. So I don't regret it and I am proud of the few kids and parents I think it helped. Most I don't think it helped. Honestly, it was the social workers I had the most problems with. I think from what I read that nationally foster care is very different. In some locations FPs are kept up on everything and are part of the team. It is not like that here.

GOOD LUCK and GOD BLESS!