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Originally Posted By Keagan

Another enhancement of my having two boys is being the judge in family law. I have a full days caseload come to me every day. I noticed, and will in the future do it more intentionally, when the plaintiff and defendant present their various cases to me, I move them to the living room and sit in my rocking char. From there I try to decipher the truth (which with Mark is next to impossible, he’s an expert liar). Then I start my interrogations. (e.g. What did you say to him originally? Why were you in his room? What do you mean by the word “think”)

Today’s big case was “The case of the missing Pokemon (something-or-another)” These cases are particularly difficult for me, and I get them daily. I now know what a judge must encounter when the jargon becomes so technical, and industry specific that the only words he recognizes are personal pronouns and indirect articles. One of the boys sabotaged the other’s game to give them an advantage. The verdict was either start a new game or no Pokemon for a week. Now that got Mark’s attention. That was the first time I ever saw him flinch.

B.M. (i.e. Before Mark) the life I knew previously when it was just Michael and I was relatively peaceful. Now, believe me, I’ll always recall those times was many times as that serene period. Because you guys know, and so do I that next year I’m going to have another son. I’m not even going to try to fool myself. Maybe since I said that I won’t do it. I hear so many people stress out about adopting “older boys”. While the impact of their situations are more telling, they are still little boys. Both Michael and Mark have their favorite stuff animals, they love cartoons, and Pokemon. That is not the profile of scary older children. I keep repeating to myself, they will grow up, and it will not always be like this. Now that’s the only thing holding me back from adopting another child. Then I think, if I have a younger one at home I can still have some fun while the older ones are trying to find themselves.

[Archive]

Originally Posted By barki

You mentioned how your sons' behavior doesn't fit the "scary older boy" profile that we all see in the files. This tied in with several things that I've thought or read in the last two days.

I was contemplating our "next child" (as yet unknown) and wondering how old they would be, if they would be a boy or a girl, what their particular needs will be, etc. It suddenly struck me that if I were to meet an individual without seeing a file I would form my own opinions and probably enjoy the child and interact with them wherever they were mentally, emotionally and physically. However, if I read their file I might not even want to meet them.

Then I was reading a parenting book and the chapter I happened to read was about the individuality of of a child. How a child isn't a representation of childhood in general but rather an idividual person already, as soon as he is born. As an idividual he has all the character and personality he will have as an adult already existing in him NOW, just not to the degree he will as an adult. Not a POTENTIALLY "smart person" or a POTENTIALLY "persistant/loving/_________you fill in the blank" person, but he is that person NOW, no matter what age he be. The individual child is being guided and taught by the parents, and the parents are partners in learning with the child. A child is able to open new vistas to the parents so that the learning is a mutual thing.

When I put these two things together (the 2nd paragraph and the one above) it made me that much more willing to wait patiently for the individual that will be joining our family. For some reason it helped me to not be so worried about what type of individual he will be and if we will be able to understand and help him, what upheavals will go on in the fmaily, etc. etc. I don't know why, but it was an epiphany of some sort and I'm still trying to figure out what it all entails.

Your post, Keagan, further opened the door that I've discovered. Maybe I'm growing up!! LOL What a thought. ) It has been interesting to me how much I've learned and grown through the parenting and adoption processes. I wouldn't change my life at this point for anything. The lessons learned are too valuable and precious -- and I'm still learning and going forward.