[Quupak]

We are considering adopting a 8 1/2 month old girl (placement within couple of weeks) who was likely prenatally exposed - to all what is unknown - but probably meth. She has been in foster care since birth. The foster mom describes her as "fussy", but otherwise physically healthy. She was not premature and weighed just over 6 lbs. We do know she is a "lightweight", but did double her weight by six months. The info provided suggets she is attached to foster mom and seems to have separation/stranger anxiety. There was a recent developmental screening (Bayley Scales) with "marginal" concerns and she has been referred for a more extensive evaluation. The lowest score was 8 in expressive communication. Screener said she was fussy during the screening, which can impact the testing.

Is anyone familiar with Bayley testing?

Any thoughts as we ponder this decision. It has taken us down an unexpected path.

[Barksum]

We have adopted 3 toddlers who were prenatally exposed to...whatever. You name it one of them was probably exposed to it. Two of the three were actually addicted.

Anyway, what you are describing doesn't sound too alarming, but I don't know what you believe your family is able to cope with when going into an adoption. Every child is different and there will be unexpected things that arise. When parenting any child you will come across things that you hadn't thought you'd have to deal with. (Projectile pooping, awkward questions loudly asked in the most difficult social setting, a child whom had no identified issues actually having some fairly heavy issues, to name a few.)

The items you list wouldn't be a big deal TO ME, but don't know what you are anticipating. The fact that the child seems to be emotionally on target is HUGE. Stranger awareness, a bond with the foster parent are all wonderful things. (If accurate.)

All of our adopted kids had slow starts; pretty much not meeting developmental milestones until after the first 12 months. The thing with infant and toddler adoption is that the kids are pretty young and many, many of the tests to screen for various issues are not effective or can't be given at these young ages. Also, something that presents as a pretty big problem when the child is screened at 4 months may resolve within the next two or three months -- or it could be the tip of the iceberg. The 'screening' done with infants is kind of a baseline. It gives parents and others working with a child something to help map out better ways to address the various needs of the child as tentatively identified through the testing. Developmental test scores for young infants are generally a jumping off point, not really a diagnosis in and of themselves. They may help to fill in pieces of the puzzle, but what that puzzle turns out to be can be light years away from what any one piece looks like.

One of our adopted children had dysfunction of sensory integration, and (we figured out later) probably fetal alcohol issues. Yet as an infant these problems were not severe enough to show as delays or even as blips on the radar when he was screened. They began showing up around 12 months of age or so and we are continuing to work with him in these areas. (One is probably life long.)

Another child had lots of developmental red flags all over the place from the time he was born. He required in-home early intervention specialists to work with him, as well as physical therapy. By the time he was 12 months old he had progressed to the point where he did not need any therapies at all.

Frankly, I won't be able to tell you much about my kids' various abilities/disabilites until they are about 30...and even then I won't know for sure!

They are all wonderful kids who smile and bring smiles to the faces of everyone. They are kids who cause us to really, really think hard and to be creative in how we parent them! I'm learning to think outside of the box, BIG TIME. That is, I think, fairly common to all the parents I know. And chances are that if I didn't tell you which of my kids were born addicted/prenatally exposed you'd never know.

[aMarylandfamily]

I'm sure you have done a search engine look see on the subject testing but this site http://secc.rti.org/display.cfm?t=m&i=Chapter_17_5 gives a pretty easy/simple to understand write-up on it ... might be worth reading if you have not already ...

These decisions are so hard ... know our hearts and thoughts will be with you ... and do come ask questions galore ... sometimes even the tiniest bit of advice sort of on target hits directly on the situation and is worth more value than even the poster knows.

[Quupak]

Thank you for sharing!!

You are right - there isn't anything alarming yet, but we understand there simply aren't any guarantees in any situation. I read somewhere that nearly all adoptions arise out of a crisis pregnancy of some sort. I guess we just have to be prepared for whatever comes. All of the literature is conflicting and often doesn't seem to match the real life stories of parents with children drug or alcohol exposed.

[Barksum]

Well, we're doing very well...but that isn't to say that there aren't difficult times! We are dealing with fetal alcohol issues to some degree in at least 3 of our children. This is a life long deal. Not that it is a horrible thing, just something to be aware of and make some changes in the way we approach some things in order to make sure the kids learn how to work through their particular problem areas.

For instance, we deal constantly with an inability to self-initiate; he hears, he looks at you, then stands there, not sure what he's supposed to do. There's a glitch in the process and he gets stuck at times. We have to be patiently and happily willing to help him get started on EVERYTHING. He's smart, he's fun, he wants to do well in his academic work and in his housework, but he'll still be standing (or sitting, as the case may be) there staring around or doing something totally unrelated to what he's just been told to do. This can be frustrating at times. Ok, after the fourth time per hour I'm usually tuning up my last nerve as though it were on a violin. BUT we're making progress. It's just teeny, weeny, tiny steps. He's not age appropriate in some ways, light years ahead in others. Interesting mix!

So, just so I don't give the impression that parenting a child with these differences is always a breeze or anything I thought I'd better share a bit more. Overall, I don't often think of their differences; other times it is glaringly obvious.

[Aunt Zeus]

I have asopted 2 special needs children. One at the time of placement we had no idea,, but it was discovered he was exposed to various things inutero. the other was an older child age 7 so we knew what we were getting in to.
Some of the best advice given to us was you have to think thru what it will be like handling this child at older ages. while they are small it is easier but what about dealing w/ a pre-teen or a teenager with these same problems? because that child will grow.
As the other mom said there are no guarantees in life w/ any child.
there is a good "work book" called" With Eyes Wide Open"
and it presents various questions etc to think about.
If you are ready for anything and willing to accpet what comes....... go for it. no matter how hard it might be there are always beautiful moments

[Quupak]

Originally Posted by Aunt Zeus

I have asopted 2 special needs children. One at the time of placement we had no idea,, but it was discovered he was exposed to various things inutero. the other was an older child age 7 so we knew what we were getting in to.
Some of the best advice given to us was you have to think thru what it will be like handling this child at older ages. while they are small it is easier but what about dealing w/ a pre-teen or a teenager with these same problems? because that child will grow.
As the other mom said there are no guarantees in life w/ any child.
there is a good "work book" called" With Eyes Wide Open"
and it presents various questions etc to think about.
If you are ready for anything and willing to accpet what comes....... go for it. no matter how hard it might be there are always beautiful moments

Would you mind sharing what issues have arisen with the chemically exposed child you adopted? At what age was the child when the placement was made?

Thanks for the comments!

[Aunt Zeus]

No I don;t mind,,,,,,,My son came home at age 13months, his DX now are SEVERE ADHD, Ocd, Tourette's ( mild)and Aspberger's.......high function autism. he is a wonderful child and very beautiful which makes it even more difficult for people to understand his disabilities as you can not "see" them as you can w/ my others son's CP. He is now 16 and believe there were time when I thought I just could not take another phone call from the school about behavior, or temper tantrum about germs ot major meltdwon in public where I would have to physically restrain him and have peolple asking if they wanted them to call the police. It has not been an easy job but if some one would give the opportunity to adopt him again and I knew all of the struggles and heartbreak I would go thru.... I would do it all over again in a second,
It alot of sacrifice and can be costly for medical intervention so be prepared for that and or at least try to find out if there are state funded services to help you out if needed.
The other thing I can suggest if your area has an adoption clinc or if you want conatct the Cincinnati childrens International adoption clic 513 636 -4200. you can submit all the information you have and any video and will be reviewed by a team of experts in variuos departments and they will tell you what they think. worst case scenario and best. We did this w/ our 2nd son. I wish the service had been available w/ our 1st son.
email firectly if you have any other questions etc glc_stephenson@yahoo.com
Sue

[momofbpkbtr]

Hello! My name is Ann, and I am the mom of 6 wonderful kids, 4 of which were special needs adoptions. My daughter Bronwyn, was also a prenatally drug-exposed infant (cocaine metabol-crack), and we had many of the concerns you have. I want to encourage you! Bronwyn went through some very rough withdrawals, and we spent many months worrying about just exactly what we had gotten ourselves into! For about the first 2 years of her life, she tended to be delayed in just about everything. She was also very afraid of strangers, and very much a "mommy's girl". She would have frequent "zone-outs", where she did not respond to any sort of touch or communications. We were pretty worried. And then, at the age of 3, she just seemed to come alive! She quickly caught up on those things she was behind on. Her speech and coordination improved drastically. Now, she is an extremely intelligent, beautiful 6 year old, who is reading and writing at a 4th grade level. She is determined to become a hematologist when she grows up, so she can "cure" her brother, who has sickle cell disease. I think she just may do it! She still tends to be shy, but has amazed us all with her quick wit and cognitive thinking. Those who knew her before are amazed at her! All this is just to encourage you. This child you are considering may experience some delays, and may struggle in some things that seem easy for others her age. But with the love and encouragement of a stable, forever family, I think you will be amazed at how she will blossom. My prayers are with you, and I wish you the best!
Blessings,
Ann

[Barksum]

Momofbp, thanks for sharing your daughter's story. I love to hear encouraging stories of other families rearing children with prenatal exposure/addiction. We were actually chosen by committee for one of our children because we are a 'blue collar family and more likely to be accepting of the child not being a rocket scientist some day'. I have to laugh because of all our children he is the MOST LIKELY to be a brain surgeon or rocket scientist - or a civil engineer with his attention to detail, or an architect, or ... well, you get the picture. Sure he has some processing differences, but this gives him such an interesting perspective on how things work that he can see things that others are unaware of due to being unable to think outside of the box. He really is highly intelligent. Who knew!?

[netjaymz]

that there is not enough "research" yet about kids that were exposed in utero with Crystal Meth.

I have 3 foster adopted kids all of them with issues because of their mom being a Meth User.

My youngest (who is 6) has the most issues. But before I get into the ugly stuff, let me tell you what an amazing kid he is, no issues with attachment and he is the kind of kids that know just when to be "cute" so that you don't kill him . ~laughs~ His development has been slow: for example he weighed 35 lbs forever he was the tiniest kid in his K-garten calls (even some of the girls were bigger then him) and this followed him into 1st grade..however in the last 3 months he has shoot up and bulked up he weighs 50 lbs now and Athleteic has become easier for him. Very proud of him this last basketball season.

He has been diagnosed ODD (Opistional defiense disorder) and mood desorder that has him lagging in understand and putting himself at risk. I wouldn't change him for the world. Yes it has been frustrating, yes there were times that I asked myself "what the hell was I thinking" Or "I Just can't do this. But I did and I am the lucky one for it.

I mean my doctors tell me that we never know what will happen with these kids. They could grow out of the diorders or go into more defiend areas like ADD ADHD

Not sure if any of that helped but it is what my life is like now.

[Quupak]

If we go into this, we want to do it with our eyes WIDE open. This is what is so confusing and daunting, is that the little reseach that has been done and real life stories of parents all conflict! Plus, there are no guarantees about anything. We are struggling to cope with all of the unknowns inherent in this process. Truthfully, the worries are sucking out all of the joy that we are "supposed" to have about bringing home a child. But, slowly we are exhausting the agonizing and putting it to bed. By nature, we are people who are generally risk adverse and like to think we are in control of our lives. HA! I know having children will turn THAT notion upside down. How did you deal with the unknowns?

I have just submitted all of our info to the local international adoption clinci for a preadopt consult. I just did it on a whim when I read another thread on this board. I figured a medical opinion can't hurt. Did any of you use that as a resource?