[Barksum]

Got this link from a friend. Haven't had a chance to read thru it yet. (these kids just keep needing parenting! what is WITH them?! I should have gotten the self-raising kind. ) It looks interesting, though. Let me know what you think, if you read it.

oops. I suppose I should post the link, hmm? The Power (and Peril) of Praising Your Kids -- New York Magazine

[Barksum]

The link I listed may get you to the middle of the article, not the first. SORRY. I'm pretty lame with computer tech stuff. Here it is again: The Power (and Peril) of Praising Your Kids -- New York Magazine

[ajjhmf]

Thanks for the link, Barki. I bookmarked it and plan to read it when I have more brain-power, lol.

[Lylac]

I saved it too...Thanks Barki!!

[tybeemarie]

Great article. There was a piece on this study on NPR, and my kids found it very compelling, as did I. As the article states, they had 2 groups of kids, and one group they taught kids how to study math, and in the other they taught the kids that PLUS they taught them that the brain responds to study and effort, that it gets bigger, in effect. And the second group did better than the first group--by a lot.

This also confirms for me the wisdom of the Love and Logic approach to school and praise. They advise you to ask your kid to bring home work, even just a single question, that they got right, something they feel they did well. Then you ask the kid, how did you do it? And the two answers that you provide as options are: I'm getting smarter, or, I'm working harder. And, over time, the kid puts it together himself: I can improve by working harder, and this will make me smarter.

It has done great things for my youngest, whose reading has improved a lot. She loves showing these pages of good work, and likes saying what she did to achieve these accomplishments. My son does this occasionally. And, I am thrilled to say, for once my oldest brought home a Social Studies paper she got a B on. It was about Indian culture, and to celebrate, we went to a fabulous Indian restaurant and feasted, and I even bought her an inexpensive bracelet. Anyway, the system works because it's specific, the kids pick the specific thing, and really, they're the ones doing the praise in saying "I'm working harder," or "I'm getting smarter."

The article also says kids can sense when praise is sincere or not. I never give anyone insincere praise. I think this is a big help in my therapeutic parenting. My kids have very low self-esteem, so they don't always think I'm correct in my assessment of them, but they always believe that I am sincere when I give praise. And, some of it has worked. I praise my son on specific defensive plays in basketball, and he has become a great defensive player.

It is very countercultural to not be a fountain of insincere, empty praise for everything. I find it fascinating that kids who believe that they are smart and are valued for being smart learn less and take fewer risks than those who believe they are hard workers. They don't want to be embarassed by not succeeding, and, in their mind, being revealed as someone who is not, in fact smart.

Anyway, great article, thanks for the encouragement!