[Indy]

I'm needing some thoughts here on a bit of a personal issue. As many you know, one of my sons has asperger's. For many years, I have struggled with him in the area of toileting. Forgive the bluntness, he clogs the toilet on a constant basis. He uses 10 times the amount of toilet paper required. I have taught, yelled, and tried everything I can think of.

Before this becomes funny, he just overflowed the toilet again. I am not talking about a little. I am talking about an inch of water on the floor...seeping through the floor and coming through into the living room below. I am talking about water into the hallway and the bedroom beside the bathroom. My ceiling in the the living room is still dripping and this happened two hours ago.

I estimate the damage will exceed $3,000. I am so angry, I can't see straight. I had his brothers take him to another area of the house, as I was afraid I might do something I would regret later. His brothers helped me clean up the mess. He is wringing out the towels, as I type. I know that he should have helped clean it up. He did, to a degree. But I knew he would not have been able to clean it to the level that is needed in this situation.

I am looking for ideas on how to handle this with my son. He can remember the most unimportant thing about rap music, but doesn't know how much toilet paper to use? He can read on a college level, but can't use a plunger? If you don't have ideas...a prayer would be fine. More patience would be a good thing to send to me.

[Butterflies2]

Indy, you definitely have my prayers.

I do not have any experience with asperger's, but this reminds me of the sort of thing we had to "defend" our home against with our dd when we first brought her home. We put locks on everything, and locked everything up. Could you put the tp in a cabinet in the bathroom, and put a combination lock on the cabinet? Everyone else in the family would know the combination. He would have to ask someone else to unlock the cabinet and give him an appropriate amount of tp. He might ask for it when he doesn't need it, and hide a "stash" somewhere- you'd have to keep an eye out for that.

Just ignore me if I'm crazy.

[qs mom]

I'm really sure about these things, but just a thought.

The paper that they have out there now for kids - I think it might be Charmin - it's marked how much to use. One of my co-workers uses it with her son. In fact, he asks for it 'so I know where to rip it'.

Or the wipes instead. The flushable ones that they have. Again, I know that they have these in the baby section, which might upset him. But, I know that they are available in the TP section too. They're individual sheets. No measuring - but you would need to be sure he remembers how many to use.

I have the other problem. My son doesn't use enough. He grabs a sheet or two, keeps turning it and turning it until he's done - hopefully!

[momraine]

Here are the things I would suggest, that would help my Aspergers kid. One idea would be to post bathroom instructions in the bathroom. I did this when my son was younger. I put instructions that included how much paper, the fact that he did indeed need to wipe, wipe the seat if there is anything on it, put the seat down (we have kids who are disabled who need it down) wash your hands, dry your hands, flush, etc. Also if there is a problem, I put the consequence for that issue on the list. In our case we had the problem of forgetting to flush. So I had to put the consequence of what happens when you don't flush. ( I think they had extra chores, and both of my bigger boys had the consequences since it was hard to prove which did it, but then they started reminding each other and got better)
Another thing that helps my boys, those flushable wipes they sell near the TP. It really helps my boys get cleaner and they use less paper. If you get desperate you can install a bidet and skip the paper, but I shudder to think what boys would do with that!

[Lylac]

We have a NO tp in the toilet rule here. Have you tried putting a sign in there, telling him how much to use? And maybe one on what to do if it doesn't flush.

momraine, we musta been typing at the same time

[lucyjoy]

I'm inclined to think he doesn't remember because he doesn't care. Maybe he doesn't. T walks out in front of cars because he can't remember to look.

Maybe working off the $3000 would help him remember.

Practicing tearing toilet paper off the roll? Practicing plunger use?

Have him buy toilet paper and keep the correct torn portions in his room to take with him to the bathroom?

Have him ask permission to use the bathroom and show you the amount of toilet paper before going into the bathroom?

Confine him to using the first floor bathroom only?

Plumbing damage is no fun and very costly. We've had lots of that. Sorry you have to deal with this.

[leenab]

How about a rap about toilet paper. I know one of my sons loves music and anything we sing about he remembers. So the Indy toilet paper rap, hmmm can republicans rap???? You and your crew of kids could even video tape it, record it. It could play in the bathroom. Or your kiddo could listen to it while poopin'
-Leena

[momraine]

The thing about at least my aspergers kid, is things that are deemed unimportant are not given a space in thier brains. This child remembers every word of dialog in a movie he see's once, but can't find his socks! He remembers to do his homework, and will even do it well, but then he forgets it exists and so he never turns it in. (that makes me crazy). However, he loves black and white rules, he dislikes grey in any form. LOL, That is why he loves it when I write things down for him, better even to type them. If I type instructions (simplfied) for cleaning the room and put them on the wall, he does much better. When he needs to pack to go somewhere (he is a scout and camps a lot) I must type a list or he will forget things like underwear and socks. (he is thirteen so he packs for himself because he has a mean mom) He is getting better now. Last time he went on a church retreat I didn't write him a list. I was praising him for remembering stuff without the list, he just told me that he still remembered the written list from this this retreat LAST YEAR and so he followed that list. Last year? This is the same kid, I can hand his homework to him on the way out the door and he will leave it in the car, I put it in his backpack and it's still there at the end of the day! It's crazy, but it's part of Aspergers, some is just normal kid stuff magnified. Anyway, good luck!

[Original Mike]

Ever since I've had him, he has constantly punished the plumbing system. He also seems to think you need tons of TP.

The solution I did was to buy a professional grade toilet auger and teach him how to use it. If he didn't use it, he lost privledges. An auger is actually easier to use than a plunger.

I just made sure I rode him about it until he decicded it was easier to auger than to get chewed out by me.

I feel your pain!

mike

[marythemom]

What causes it? I gave general lectures about using less toilet paper - didn't work. Finally just started handing ds a plunger - he denies it's him, but I know if it really weren't him there'd be no way in heck I could make him plunge a toilet. We're lucky in that when he fills the toilet, he apparently DOESN'T flush it so most of the toilet overflows have been when I was standing there flushing the potty (before I learned what a no no that was). It's gotten better recently so maybe he actually learned something.

There is NO WAY I want him to not put TP in the potty as someone suggested. The girls already rebel against cleaning the kids' bathroom because of the smell. One day we were out of toilet paper (we were going through a Case a week for awhile there and I couldn't keep up!). Oldest ds used empty TP rolls (kind of ingenious) and dropped them in the unlined trashcan (he was the one who was supposed to line it when he emptied it). SUPER NASTY!

If it starts up again will probably start the "lessons" someone suggested. Making dh handle that though. I had to teach the girls how to shave and use tampons.

I can't decide if this is better or worse than the ones who don't wipe. Hugs going your way Indy.

[SuzBerg]

Indy - I don't really have any suggestions (and it seems like you've gotten some good ones already). But as a mom of an Aspberger's kid I just wanted you to know your not alone - we don't have this particular issue but we have others (the homework one Momraine refered too is a big one). I am sending some prayers your way.

[ajjhmf]

Indy,

I can sooooo relate to the flood damage.

Everyone's advice has been good, but I wanted to offer another suggestion. Our plumbing isn't the greatest and our toilets clog a bit too easily. So, in our house, we have a rulle that you must SEE the toilet flush before leaving the bathroom.

J was notorious for the too much TP issue so this was especially big with him. (See "Mikestock 2007" Alternative Parfait Seminar)

We also taught him how to stop the toilet from flushing if it looks like it's going to overflow. We try not to keep stuff on the back of the toilet, so this is easier for him. I wonder if it's something that might help your son. I know that eventually J started using a more normal amount of paper after having the panic of pulling the top of the back of the toilet a few times.

Jenny

[Indy]

I grabbed a couple and will try them out.

We are starting with tp rationing. I am also going to write a couple of the rules for him. As far as flushing, he is only allowed to flush once. If it does not go down, he has an "alibi" card for me to make sure nothing is wrong.

Thanks again!

[Barksum]

You might (or might not...not sure!) find the book 'Taking Care of Myself: A Hygiene, Puberty, and Personal Curriculum For Young People With Autism' by Mary Wrobel of some help as well.

Just another tool to look at and see if it would fit any of the needs you have.

[Barksum]

I was reading the paper and thought this might be a wonderful solution for you, Indy. I usually only get to the comics, Ann Landers, the obits, and the police blotter, but this caught my eye.

"Remote Control Toilets"
From Kohler, C3 toilet seats with bidet functions. The Kohler toilet seat is heated, one model has a hand-held remote control that adjusts warm-air speed, water and seat temps. The seats range in price from $750 to $1,300.

I croaked when I saw the prices, but I suppose that one would have to factor in the savings of not buying tp, not having to replace the ceiling/flooring/etc. from overflows, not having to unclog the toilet, not having to re-plumb, not having to call a plumber, etc. The down side would be that my kids would be in there playing with the remote and tickling their tushies until the batteries died...just in time for me to have to go. I can see it now: 'WHO USED UP ALL THE WARM WATER FOR THE BIDET!?'