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Originally Posted By Indy

Rayon is angry today. He's very angry. He's angry at everyone. He is perceiving everything as a slight. He is getting mad and throwing things (nothing big, but still....). He is mad at Raphael. He is mad at Lucas. He is mad at the kids next door. He doesn't want to be here (he didn't say that, but I *know* that). He has fallen down twice and gotten hurt. Mostly, he is not really mingling with the other kids. Depression? When I express sympathy, though, he wants to go get some candy or a slurpy. Although I know his unhappiness is genuine, he will use my sympathy to try to get an extra treat. I am stressed to the max. Hub works until 7 and it's 7:36 right now...he must have to stay open later. Bad day for that. I feel uncomfortable. I have this adoreble little boy here and I know he doesn't want to be here. I almost feel apologetic. I almost feel like saying "I'm really sorry that you're here. I know you don't like it here now. I'm sorry I took you away from the place that was familiar to you." This is kind of how I felt when Scott, my 23 year old, came here from Hong Kong....I felt sorry. I feel sorry now. I don't know how to get him over his sadness. I have no idea if the "snap out of it..I'm going to be tough" approach is the best one this time, whether or not to approach him about his unhappiness, or whether to just let him work it out himself. He called one of his "cousins" in Delaware today and he said, "I moved again. I'm not there anymore." I moved again....how awful for a little kid to have to keep moving. I keep assuring him he will stay here. Maybe that isn't even what he wants to hear right now. I am actually looking forward to Wednesday. He starts school on Wednesday. I homeschool the other kids, and was really sorry that I couldn't homeschool Rayon (by Wisconsin law) until he is formally adopted, but I'm starting to look forward to Rayon going to school. That way I'll get a break from the extra child who doesn't seem happy. I try to think back about how Raphael seemed to be at the same time, and I can't remember. I guess the hardest part for me is that I know he is sad, and I feel guilty and responsible for that sadness. We could have pulled out of the adoption and I think his last foster family would have adopted him; they adored him. Then he would have stayed in Delaware. What made me think we could handle another child? I think the easy adjustment we had with Raphael made me forget how hard it is. I think the hardest part for me is how sorry I feel for Rayon. I would sure like some feedback from some of the experienced adopters. E-mail is fine, if you're afraid of getting flamed. It's amazing what one little boy can do to change the dynamics of your family, and he still is one of the easiest children (I'm quite sure) to come out of foster care. To newer people adopting, I don't care if I get flamed or not.....watch the birth order of your kids and understand that an older child is infinitely harder than a younger child. I've adopted a newborn, a five month old, and a two year old and all three were very smooth adjustments (even the two year old). The older they are, the stronger your family better be, the more adjusted and secure your kids better be, and the better you ought to be at handling stress. I'm really glad Rayon is here. I want Rayon to someday be glad he is here. OK, nuff said. Have a good night