[scandi]

My 4 year old ds, just placed with me on 8/31/06 appears to be stuck in an infant stage. He screams with a high pitched blood curdling scream and hads the same tongue movements as an infant does -when they are screaming. These tantrums only occur when he doesn't get his way but I can't seem to move him beyond that developmental stage. Since I have never had an infant was wondering if there is anyone out there who can help me. I also believe that his suck relfex is underdeveloped because he was unable to get juice out of a sippy cup without a lot of effort and he drops his "S's". I was using the sippy cup to try and help with the attachment.
Also, could use some suggestions on sleep. He is unable to go to sleep without medication. He takes trazadone it puts him to sleep but I don't believe he ever gets to REM sleep. He also has nightmares and talks in his sleep. He sleeps in my room on a mattress on the floor next to my bed. The problem comes in at nap time. Because he gets so tired he takes a two hour nap which isn't so much a problem - the problem is it has to be 1145-2pm. If he is not down by 1145 am he will become very hyper, loud, oppositional and nothing short of a major tantrum will push him past the "too tired" stage into nap time. This has been disruptive if I have any appointments with him or my older ds but a major problem transitioning him to daycare because they can not meet such a rigid schedule. He was asked to leave today (after 3 days) because he wouldn't take his nap and proceeded to have an hour and a half tantrum with hitting, kickingk, spitting, biting and just plan oppostion. They don't have the staff to stay with him to work him thru this and until I can find a personnal care assistant (PCA) to go with him he can't go back.
AS a single parent of two this is really stressing me out because I return to work full time 11/1.
I am hoping that someone has some thoughts or ideas for me. We are working with an attachment therapist with my older ds and I am transferring it to my younger ds but until I can get his eval done he can't officially be involved with the AT.
Thanks ahead of time
scandi

[ajjhmf]

Well, a couple of thoughts....

Traedone was horrid for J. Did the same thing and he was so drugged at night that he couldn't wake up if he was scared. We swithed to melatonin last year. It's been working great. At the time, J couldn't swallow pills, so we did the chewable kind. I read a study about it and we decided to try it. It's worked great and J is sleeping better and able to wake up if he needs to. PLus he can fall back to sleep if he does wake up. (this was our big problem)

I think the AT will be your best resource in the stuck at infant thing. It sound's like you are off to a good start. One thing that is great for that age is rocking and singing to them in a rocking chair. Also, when an infant tantrums, the best thing is to hold the. I don't put M down unless *I* can't handle it. If he's to big to hold during a fit, then sit next to him and rub his back. Say soothing things to him to help him know that you are there.

Congratualtions!

Jenny

[dadfor2]

i dont know, but it at this point, i dont think anything is so black and white. the biggest thing i saw was:

My 4 year old ds, just placed with me on 8/31/06

i dont know, its only been a few weeks with this child with you, his behaviors are going to be out of wack, as well they should be.


a major problem transitioning him to daycare

if there is any way that he can stay home with you for a while, you mentioned that you have to go back to work in nov, so im assuming that you are on family leave for this child. or took some time off to take care of this child.

my suggestion is quit the day care and spend time with him. His whole life is in chaos right now, he needs some stability, and by sending him to day care after only a short time of him coming to you, sounds like he is trying to control his chaotic life because the adults in his life are not to be trusted.

as for trazadone, thats a heavey sleep med and that could be causing his outbursts during the day. but from you wrote sounds like you kinda have an idea on why he may be a cranky spanky due to always feeling tired

my younger son is on clonidine, though its not a sleep aid, it does work like a charm and he is only on a little and functions pretty good. it basically helps with his anxiety at night, with closing his eyes.

but to be honest, at this point, i dont think any meds is going to help this child until he has some consitancy in his life and feels safe.

sorry to sound so bleak, but that is what it sounds like to me.

if you need to bring the child to day care, i would probably suggest you talk to his pedi about what is going on with the meds.

he sounds like one scared little guy trying to make sence of all these strangers.

but again, if there is anyway that you can skip the day care and spend time with him to make him feel a little safe,and mother him a little, that might be just what he needs to get beyond this 'infant stage' that you are talking about. sounds like he is stuck because he wants someone to come along and fill that need....daycare just wont cut it.

He screams with a high pitched blood curdling scream

not to get even more down...but my 8 yr old still has these screams...

MY GOD, its not so much the infant stage anymore, but the the screams......i have to at times leave the room....

but better then it was..