[fungi7]

We have just begun therapy with our 7yrs old adopted son who has RAD, ADHD, ODD and is still breathing. I need some help with how parents deal with the defience on all fronts. Temper tantrums and anger are out of control. We have found nothing that works yet. This is his 3rd with us and I am a mess. My family wants me to get an attorney and disrupt the adoption. My husband well, he works alot.
fungi7 is a disfunctional fungus.

[zebramom]

Tell him to do the oppositte of what you want him to do.

"Make sure you break lots of ____, so that you can do chores for me"

Give him choices

"Are you going to have your fit before or after you do the dishes?"

Rate his fits "Oh, that's pretty lame. I think you need to stomp your feet and yell some more."

Kids are truly oppositional will do the oppositte of what you tell them to!

[lucyjoy]

Glad to hear he's still breathing. He must have a truely awesome mom!

I find the choices angle works well with ODD.

I also have told kids that I'm about to tell them something that will make them angry so to go ahead and throw a fit now. I then wait.

Are you using an attachment therapist? If you just started, it's going to take some time. Try to stay sane in the craziness.

I refuse to engage in any interaction with a tantrummer. On occassion, they get destructive, abusive to self or me and I have no choice, but if they're just yelling and busting their own stuff, I tend to turn the music up and go on about my business.

And tell your working husband to check back in. You need at least one night a week or an afternoon or something to yourself to refill your heart and soul.

Not quite the adoption dream you planned for, huh?

[scandi]

My oldest is 9 he was placed just before his 7th birthday. He is RAD and PTSD. I went thru 6-9 months of really bad times. We had an AT and did the intensive outpatient for two weeks as well. It was hard. I vented alot to those who could understand, tried to take breaks but couldn't find anyone to watch him very often. I am a single parent. Ate alot of Oreos - still have many of them with me in the extra weight - and waited him out. It has now been 2 years post placement and he has come so far. He still has a ways to go but two years ago I never thought we would be where we are at today. With RAD it takes a long time so I would say buckle up and hang on for the ride. (keep your hands and feet inside the car though)

just my experiences
scandi