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Originally Posted By Mike

Well, when it rains it pours. Just when I was all worked up over the home visit, I've had to put it off indefinelty. As most of you know, my Dad has nt been in good health for some time. The cancer came back just before Christmas, and he hasnt been doing that well. In the past few days, hes gotten worse. Today we heard from his oncologist that he has about two weeks left to live. Needless to say, I'm going to be deling with a lot. My family and I have made the decision to keep him here at home and make him comfortable.

In a sad bit of irony, a friend of mine just lost his Dad yesterday rather suddenly. I went over to see Ron and we talked for a while. Both of us are the old-fashioned guy types. We talked about our Dads and how our relationships with ours had been so different. Ron and his Dad were best of friends. Mine and I never really had a deep atatchement to each other. During our conversation, Ron asked me "You're not going to give up on adoption, are you?" I said I wasnt sure what I'm doing right now. He told me how all my friends were supporting me 1000% and then told me "You know, your Dad told me at your Christmas Party how excited he was for you. he was so happy you were going to be a Dad." Why didnt my Dad ever tell me that???? I mean, he was supportive of my adoption, but well, you know.

Anyway, I know a lot of you understand and have been here yourselves. I wont be in the office much over the next two weeks, so I'll be checking in here.

Thanks

Mike

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I know how you feel. I lost my father quite a few years ago and for a long time I regretted the things between us that we weren't able to deal with. I have come to believe that death is the passage we make to the next phase of our life so that whatever wasn't dealt with in this life will be dealt with later.

Please don't give up your dream of being a dad. I feel as though I've gotten to know you a little through this board and I think you'll make a wonderful parent for some kid (or kids?). I'm sure that you are feeling overwhelmed right now so it's probably not the right time to make major decisions.

Keep posting to the board. I think you know by now that everyone on this board cares about everyone else.....Cheryl

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Originally Posted By Keagan

I know through our conversations off-line that you have been doing a lot of soul searching and had decided to take this time to sit back and reflect.

My heart goes out to you my dear friend. I was dumbfonded after reading you post. I'll have my little prayer warrior on the hotline. God has no choice but to listen to him, he has the faith as big as the sky.

I'd recommend that you take the time you need before making a decision, although I think you've already made it. Your Mom is going to need you. She needs you now.

You know that your cyber family is a family of faith and will be praying for you all.

Our love....

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Originally Posted By Kena

I am so sorry. I know there is nothing anyone can say or do now to make you feel better, but I hope you know that we are all out here praying for you and your family. My dad died suddenly last June, so I know something of the pain you are in. We too were not always close, and had our moments that we never did get the chance to work through. Of course, I miss him all the time.

John and I were not ready right away to pursue the adoption, even though we had originally planned it soon after the time my dad died. However, when we did finally begin, I felt it was a truly life-affirming step for me.

I will keep thinking of you and your family and wishing there was something I could do. I hope you will check in with the board and let us know how you are doing.

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Originally Posted By Lisa

I am so sorry to hear your sad news. You are definitely right to take this time to focus on your dad and mom. The next few weeks are going to be pretty rough so check in here often whenever you need a boost from your friends.

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Originally Posted By Jerry

This is a diificult time for your family I'm sure. I know you must spend as much time together with your family as possible. Please know that you are in our prayers.

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Originally Posted By Ashley

mike,
I wanted to let you know that our prayers are with you and your family. I am sorry that you are going through so much right now. YOu have much love and support here.

Ashley

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Originally Posted By Linda

I have been in exactly your position Mike and I sympathize with you. I always knew my dad loved me, but we weren't gushy about it. And he did tell others how he felt, but never me.

But we did the same thing with my dad. We knew he was dying of heart failure and brought him home. We thought we would have a month at least. Ten days later he was gone. The night before he died he was talking to me and he got excited about me looking at sibling groups. The first time he really talked alot about it. He said,"Just make sure you get a little boy I can wrestle with." He loved his grandchildren.
I kissed him goodnight. In the morning he was gone.

I put looking for children on hold. A couple of months later on this forum I found my children. At first I thought it would be the two girls. Then I found there was a boy available with his sisters. I think my dad had a hand in this. I love my children so much I think I'll explode with love. We show the kids pictures of my dad and tell them how much he loved all his grandchildren. We talk about him all the time at family gatherings and even though they never met him, they knew he would have loved them and that makes them feel as though they had him as a grandpa too.

Spend as much time with your father as possible. My last words to my father were, " I love you." It still makes me happy to know that. Your family needs you now. Your child is waiting for you and you will bring him home soon, I am sure. Take time for yourself now.

God Bless. You and your family are in my prayers.

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Originally Posted By Devon

 Mike, I'm sorry to hear about your bad news.

 For what it's worth however, let me offer this little bit of advice. Talk to you Dad. As difficult as that might be, this is your last chance to say the things you need to say. He might not be able to reply in kind but you will have the lifetime of satisfation that you said what you needed to say.

 My mentor died recently at 88. He had been a surrogate father to me for about 15 years. He was a reserved and proper gentleman of an age when emotions were not shared openly. We rarely conversed on levels above business, history, our mutual interests, hobbies, and current events. However as he lay dying I told him I loved him and I would miss him very much. He looked into my eyes and said, "okay". But his eyes conveyed all that I needed him to say.

 I believe he needed to hear those words. They were the last we shared and it gives me such comfort to know I told him while he could still understand me. He couldn't reply back in words but I'm sure he felt the same way.

  

 So, while you can, tell your Dad what you need to say. Soon you won't have the chance. Good luck and much love.

Devon

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Originally Posted By barki

I lost my grandfather the same month I found out I was pregnant with my daughter. I've often wondered why births and deaths and other big events (weddings, graduations, etc.) always clump together. My theory is that it's to draw families together and to remind us all of the big lessons that we really already know. I hope that you are able to have some special time with your father in the time you both have together. The whole board is thinking of you and your family.