[ladybugqueen]

We are finalizing the adoption today.

BMom consented to TPR in November & I've been allowing visits on average every 3-5 weeks. Lately, she's been wanting more visits & will tell the girls "Mommy misses you SO bad". (BTW, she had them calling her by her first name for several years WHILE they were living with her & NEVER referred to herself as Mommy.)

Anyway...there's a history with her being inconsistant...is admittedly an alcoholic & we suspect a drug (meth?) user as well. There's lots of other issues.

The girls are 9 & 11. The 11 yr old lives in fantasy world, but is getting better as time goes by about talking about her negative memories & talking about how BMom's bad choices are valid, but don't make her "bad". The 9 yr old is VERY intelligent & sees thru all the lies/broken promises/bad life choices/etc...she really doesn't want contact at all.

I'd like to find out other's experiences & suggestions. Thanks!!

[leastofthese]

I don't have experience with BMom visits post-adoption, however, I do see some things that would certainly concern me if I were you...

First and foremost, I would definitely be setting some ground rules about what the girls are to call each of you, unless you are okay with them calling her mommy. I would sit down with her and come up with a visitation plan that is good for both of you, primarily good for the girls. If that means sitting down together with a calendar and planning the next 2-3 months worth of visits, that's what I would do. That way she knows she'll get to see them, and you won't have to worry about her trying to "up" the time.

I'm considering opening contact between myself and one of the birthmoms of my kids, so I'd love to hear how this plays out for you.

[KathrynJB]

J, who is 5, is moving in with us tomorrow for good (yay!)

In the TPRs, both birthmom and birthdad (not together) each have two visits a year (1-2 hours each), supervised.

I think groundrules about how often visits can be (that seems to be a LOT!) and other things are very valid. Probably the girls are old enough to have some input, even.
Kathryn

[Faith65]

We are in the process of TPR but for the last yr B hasn't seen either biop. We all including B doesn't want biom visit and most likely won't happen. Biod has just come into the picuter and would like to get to know B. Everyone is making sure it will be in B's best interrested and will have strict guidelines.

Good luck and congrates!

[ladybugqueen]

Thanks for all the input! Good luck to you all in your adoption journey also! I'll let you know how things go!