[Original Mike]

Well, I just got off the phone with Ellen and had her retire my homestudy. I am done.

I spoke with V's worker on Monday afternoon and she asked me if V had said anything unusual to me. I said that he hadn't. Well, he told her that he didn't think he was "being listened to" in the process. Niether of us knew where this was coming from.

Last night was our regular call night. FM got on the phone and said "V's not here." I said "Oh, did he go out." "NO, Mike, he got arrested this afternoon." WHAT??? Well, she explained the situation to to me and it concerned me. This was not a "wrong place at the wrong time" thing, it was a conscious decision to commit a crime.

I spoke with Ellen this morning and her advice was to "get out now" as this was serious and she didn't think ICPC would approve a placement with pending criminal charges. V has to appear in court today, so his worker is going to call me afterwards to let me know how it went. I've already emailed her saying that we can't get approval with criminal charges and that I think it's best if I pull out.

I'm familiar with the expression "once burned, twice shy". What do they say about four times burned?? This whole thing has been just surreal.

So, I now come to the end of my road. Thanks to everyone here for your support over these past few years. I couldn't have done it without you!

Mike

[kay]

Mike,
Words fail me, I'm so, so sorry. I do believe that your openness and loving heart have made a difference in these boys' hearts - having had you in their lives has, I'm sure, added so much to them. I'm sorry it wasn't enough. And I'm so sorry for the pain you've gone through. I pray for healing for you and C. How is he doing with all this?

[po]

I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I hate to see you give up when there are so many kids that need your help. We have had some rough times also but did not give up. There is a lot of need in working with teenagers. Foster parents are in demand for teenagers. We just got a placement of 5 along with the 3 we already had. We were not able to adopt after being black balled with the county. You can still find fulfillment and joy and the surprise may be just around the corner. I am a firm believer that if God wants you to have a child you will find the perfect one. Good luck in what you decide and you do not have to quit the board. I look forward to your posts. po

[Original Mike]

PO:

I'm not quitting the Board, I just won't be posting nearly as much as I'm now "retired".

I also don't think that there's much I can add. Let's face it, taking adoption adivce from me would be like taking Marriage Tips from Elizabeth Taylor.

Mike

[aMarylandfamily]

When we disrupted the sibling group and then had to have our last placement placed out of home after a year and a half, I too thought I was "done" ... but our commitment to adoption of these children remains strong but accepting that it can't be by us ... and like you we still have one child in the home and have lots to offer and lots to learn ....

Hold C tight and always know the difference you made - short or long lived in these boys' worlds ... and even with J - he might not have gotten the help needed if not with you at the time!

Hugs!

[Lorraine123]

Mike,

I am so sorry this happened to you. I don't have to words to express it. Please keep posting here. You are a part of us and all of us need your experience as our children enter teenage-ville. Give yourself time to grieve, it is a loss.

Lorraine

[aspenhall]

Man......Wish i had advice.

We're still here.....and bad for advice or not, you're beneficial on the boards with your stories of just plain living with a teenager.

[ericsmom98]

I'm so sorry. I can only offer hugs and support.

[octavias]

Oh Mike! I am so sorry. How hard to be expecting one thing and then have a phone call like that. These kids seem to be masters at disappointing. You are such a good dad, never forget that. This isn't a reflection of you, it is a reflection of him and where he is. Unfortunately, these kids are the rulers of the missed opportunity club. It sounds like that is what he's done here, is sabotage himself. Maybe he just can't accept what you have to offer right now. I'll be praying for you and him. I'm sure that even if it isn't going to happen that he become a part of your family, you have had a positive impact on his heart. God bless you for having to courage to continue planting those seeds.
((((((Hugs))))))
Oct

[DianeScraps]

Mike -

Surreal is really the only word for this. We will be thinking of you

Diane

[lucyjoy]

Wow! If I had a ticket to Hawaii, Mike, I'd let you have it. Nothing like getting run over by a train.

I need your advice. I have all these boys I have to teach how to be men and I highly depend on advice from you.

You can beat yourself up if you want to, but none of this has a thing to do with you. These kids have been through a lot of stuff and a lot of them just can't cope.
I'm sorry you got hurt again. Life is often incredibly unfair.

[ajjhmf]

Oh, Mike. I'm so sorry. That just plain sucks. (Stronger words apply, but can't be said here.)

Seriously though, you can't leave us here on the board. Even with the failed adoptions, you are still a very successful dad to C. We need your advice and encouragement. Especially those of us who haven't yet seen the teen years and are using you and others as models for our own kids.

Blessings,
Jenny

[kburch]

Oh, Mike! I'm so sorry for all that you and C are going through. Life can be so unfair. Just remember that we're all here, and we care about you guys!

[crick]

So sorry....

[kay]

Originally Posted by Original Mike

Let's face it, taking adoption adivce from me would be like taking Marriage Tips from Elizabeth Taylor.
Mike

May I disagree with you, Mike? You have a wealth of adoption experience, and knowledge, and I'd take advice from you 9 times out of 10. Especially when it comes to experience with the care and feeding of teenage boys! You are an Exceptional Dad, and your willingness to open your heart to these kids who are so needy has been inspiring. That it hasn't worked out is saying nothing about you or your ability or skills, but rather just says how badly these "children" have already been damaged.

(And on a lighter note, I'd be tempted to take marriage tips from Liz Taylor, too - she must have a wealth of "what not to do" tips! )