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I sent a note on the Board 10 but I thought I would try again and this time be more towards the top of the list rather than the bottom. I feel fortunate to have found such a wonderful group of people who truly put forth the effort to help each other with kind words of encouragement.

My need, my families need, is to find a new home for our adopted son Dennis. It is very apparent to everyone, even our neighbors, that Dennis would greatly benefit from a new home. I hate even admitting that, I truly feel like a failure, but to ingore the issues would truly only hurt Dennis in the long run. He needs a loving and supporting family. Including Dennis we have three adopted children and one biological child. I know how strong a loving relationship you have have with both biological and adopted children, so I know enough to realize that this match is not a good one for anyone involved.

I would love to hear from anyone. He is a 10 year old boy (or will be on 2/11), he has some behaviorial issues that with therapy can be helped. Mostly he just needs to feel love and committment from his parents.

Thank you for your time. I am working with an agency currently, strictly to help me find a new family. If anything comes from our search, the adoption would be a private matter.
Tthank you again. My E-mail address is Debenhaus@aol.com if you would be interested in finding out more information or know of someone who is.

Debby

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Originally Posted By Shelley

Debby you are not a failure. You want to give this child a better chance that will be as an only child where he will recieve the attention he needs to become the best he can. God has guided you here and will guide the people who are to adopt him to you some way. Don't give up...God put you in this little boys life for whatever reason and you are doing an excellent job. Being a parent is far from easy. And we can not be everything all at once. Your Friends are here to listen and help however they can. Shelley

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The most difficult decision in the world has just been made by you and your family ... that this child whom you do and will always love needs someone else and that takes more courage than most folks have in their pinky finger. We disrupted a placement a year ago and thought we would never survive it but you do and you do, with time, learn there is a reason for everything and someday the time with you will be a part of his past and one that will always make him special in some sense. Believe in yourselves ... that's heard lots but hard to do until someone stands behind you and those of us on this board do! We have recently had our documentation updated, including this placement disruption, and it is written beautifully and know that a worker somewhere will understand and allow us the chance to make a difference in another life's soon. Our prayers are with you and hope yours will be with us too! We are here for you ... as Shelley says - always!

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Hi,
you might want to post over on the pre-adopt board too at

http://www.adopting.org/boards/get.c...APSupport.html

don't know but maybe someone there would be interested.

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One area of difficulty you may encounter is that a private adoption does not provide a subsidy (to cover such items as medical insurance, therapy, etc.) as the state adoptions do. Has this question been raised with the agency helping you? ... if not, you may wish to. None of us go into adoption, especially older/special needs kids, for the $$$ but it does play in our decisions ... and this may be why you have not had an overwhelming response that would work ... many of us have insurance that will pick up an adoptive placement but some don't.

Please know that I'm not being negative here - this question crossed my mind and just thought I would ask in case it hasn't been addressed.

Our hearts are with Dennis and all your family in this heart-wrenching but courageous act of love.

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Originally Posted By Graham

Hello Debbie,
I don't know if replacement is the right thing for your child. You definitely need good social work advice to decide for sure. There are 770 families you can browse through at http://www.WaitingFamilies.com. Make sure you work with a good licensed agency.
Best wishes.
Graham

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Originally Posted By Dianna

Debby, I wish you the very best of luck with the task you have undertaken. My heart goes out to you. We adopted twice and the second time it didn't work out. Our family has all but disintregrated and after 3 years, I made the excruciating decision to place our youngest daughter in out-of-home placement. I was blessed with knowing an exceptional foster family who provides the structure, consistency and temperment to take FAE, RAD, Oppositional Defiant, special needs kids. At first it was a diagnostic and respite placement for a year. Now we are developing a good idea of what our child needs. I too feel like a failure and my uneducated extended family agrees.

For some reason God has placed this child in my hands to do the absolute best I can. This is looking like keeping her in this specialized foster home environment and keeping a connection with our family. This kind of visiting connection works for her and us. I read about a similar situation in Adoptive Families Magazine. And for some lucky reason, the foster family has decided to switch to long term care.

Although I am not the person to put sunshine in this child's world, I am somehow instrumental in opening the curtains. I hope the best possible outcome for you and your child becomes apparent soon. Best Wishes and Prayers

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I just wanted to say a big Thank You to everyone who has written me with advise, encouragement, interest, or just a kind word. You can't imagine how much that is needed in a time like this. We are still working to find Dennis the home he deserves, at least now I feel like there is hope. I know God sent him to me for a reason, I did get him out of a terrible situation, now it is my God given duty to find him the family he deserves.

Thank you so much for your kindness.

Love

Debby