[Original Mike]

Well, things are settling back to normal here at home. I'm still boxing up J's things and have begun heavy-cleaning his room. There's a stange, surreal quality about it all. The important thing is that J is safe and will at least have a roof over his head for the next year. After that, his future looks pretty bleak.

C has taken J's departure harder than I have. For the first few days, he was really mopey. He walked into J's room a couple of times and just kinda stood there. Like me, C has trouble grasping why a kid whould throw it all away. I know C tried to convince him to stay.

Last night, Jean and I went out for dinner to our favorite Middle Eastern restaurant. We talked, but its just kinda hard talking to Jean about these things. Jean has never had children and thinks that an undergrad minor in sociology gives her all she needs to know about Speacial Needs kids. She was very supportive, just nor totally understanding of J's issues.

Ellen also dropped by Friday afternoon for coffee (we call it that even though I don't own a coffee pot) and to see how I was doing. She even commented "Should I try to talk you out of trying this again for a while even though it will do absolutely no good?" I told her that C and I had talked, we agree that we're going to try again, and that we will wait until after the Holidays to begin our search. While I'd love to find a match in Indiana (stop laughing, Indy!), we're willing to do out-of-state again. We're even willing to look at sibling groups of boys between 12 and 17.

I also want to thank everyone here who has offered support and advice throughout this journey. You are a great bunch of people and I wish I could thank you all in person. Older child adoption is not for the faint-hearted, but its easier knowing others are travelling down the same road.

Mike

[leaabc123]

Mike, you and C gave it all you guys had. It is hard to understand why someone would choose to drown instead of getting in the lifeboat but everyone has choices.

great luck in the future to all of you, including J.

[kq7772]

Mike surreal is a good word for it. Three years ago we were where you are now. I ''inheritied'' my 14yr old foster son when the state of GA could find placement for him they sent him to stay with us for Christmas and told us to keep him. He was with us till he was almost 18. He stayed out till 2am one to many times and we told him he couldn't play football..so he called the social worker and went back to GA where he stayed till he turned 18. We didn't hear anything for about six months then he called my MIL saying he was in jail, we spent days calling police stations in the area but with no luck. Then last Christmas he called us, he had been working in TX on an oil rig and sounded ok. I still worry about him, he never could learn to read beyond 3rd grade level. It was so surreal just to have him gone that we have put off doing foster care or adoption till now. I hope you will have great luck after the holidays in your search.

[lucyjoy]

I have 2 kids you can borrow-one thinks he needs a new family as I'm a-never mind, I can't say that on line. Sorry, not nice of me.

It's hard to understand why some kids just can't make goos decisions for their lives. My kid that's sitting in the RTC just cannot live inside a family. I wonder what his future will hold but he's safe where he is now and that has to be enough today.

Mo is a split state for special needs adoption. The county I'm in has highly trained workers that really get what trauma does to kids. However, we also have a governor who is an idiot and thinks we're all getting rich off adoption subsidy and don't really need any.

Glad you're not burnt on adoption. There are a lot of kids out there that really do want to be part of a family.
They'd be lucky to have you for a dad.

[tybeemarie]

Mike,

I can't imagine what packing up J's things must be like. I am so sorry that your son C was hurt by this, too. I think he is a great kid. I am impressed that despite being hurt, he's willing to to look for another brother or brothers.

You are a wonderful, wonderful father, and whoever ends up being your son and C's brother will be incredibly lucky. It's an honor to know you, it really it is.