[Indy]

Last Wednesday, R was very quiet. I knew something was going on in that little mind, but he didn't want to tell me. He kept saying that "nothing was wrong". I knew better. He went to his visit with his mother. I asked him what they did. Usually they play a game or read a book for the hour visit. He said he just "laid against her". I knew that something was bothering him, but I did not push him.

His CASA came over on Thursday and spoke with him. She was preparing the final report for the court. It is due this week. We have a hearing on the 8th of December. The CASA called again tonight. She had a few more questions. I asked her very specifically about the state case. She said that the state has a solid case and that she would be VERY surprised if R's mother got him back.

I decided to talk to R about what he was thinking about. I picked him up and sat down in my office chair. I held him close and spoke to him gently. At first, he stuck to the story of nothing being wrong. Finally, he broke down that he was worried that he would never go to live with his mother. He tried to be a "little trooper", but I told him that it was ok to cry. He tried to fight back the tears...but couldn't. R laid in my arms and cried...the tears flowing as he let the hurt out.

I just needed to get this out of my system...writing it must do the same for me that crying does for R. I wish I could take his pain away.

Good night all.

[lucyjoy]

World can be a pretty hurtful place for a little boy. Glad he was able to share his hurt with you. I know as a parent, those hurts are hard things to hear. I'll say extra prayers for R's little heart and yours as well. Sounds like there are some tough days ahead.

[oceanmom]

thanks for sharing that Indy...

Mr. little R did have a place to process his pain...your lap!

good on you..both of you!

[Barksum]

Man, Indy! I almost made it through the day without crying and then read your post. *sniff sniff* I hate that children can't be with their parents. (I know, I know...I am, after all, a foster parent and adoptive parent. I've not yet had a foster case where a child was placed with me for a frivolous or unfounded reason, and my adopted childrens' case files can give you the willies. So I do know that there are families with whom children can not live.) But there is so much hurt for everyone.

I'll be remembering little R in my prayers as well as you and your whole family and R's mom, too.

[ajjhmf]

Ah, Indy. Now you've gone a made me cry.

I'm just glad that R has you to help him through this, as horrible as it is.

My prayers are with him tonight.

Blessings,
Jenny

[Faith65]

Indy,

(((Hugs))) to you and R.

[J.Ro]

He's a lucky little guy to have such an insightful pop. Thank goodness you saw the opportunity to let him get it out from the inside.

[gregorysparents]

Indy, my thoughts are prayers are with you and R.

[ericsmom98]

Poor little guy.

[leastofthese]

It's funny, isn't it--how we foster/adopt parents mourn along with our children that horrible loss that has provided such a tremendous gain for us. Sometimes, I even feel guilty for the joy I get from my kiddos, because I know that joy was born of intense sorrow for not only my children, but their birth families. It gives me such a drive to make their lives extraordinary--or at least a good ordinary, which is a huge improvement over what might've been.

Indy, I always enjoy reading your posts--even the sad ones. You have a deep, unconditional love for your boys that will help grow them into the men and (eventually) fathers that they were meant to be. What a gift to them--just as I know you feel they are a gift to you.