[wenrl]

Lately I feel a real sense of I don't know what: regret, sorrow, disappointment about my daughter and her education. We are a two mom family with two working moms who have big bills. T. is a public school student who also attends the YMCA afterschool program.This summer we moved and the school is not so great anymore. Also the YMCA is totally not the smooth-running structured and fun environment that it was last year.

If there is one thing I want to teach my daughter, it is to be her own confident person who can make her own decisions based on what she knows to be right and wrong. I feel like I am failing. She is not strong enough or ready right now to learn this with all of the pressures, distractions and lack of strong roll models throughout the day. We used to feel good about all of the friends and adults she spent her days with. Now I feel like everytime I go to work I'm doing her some sort of disservice. She is getting in trouble several times a day and her grades are dropping. The empathy and morals she seemed to be developing last year are fading away. Is it her age or the new circumstances or something entirely different, I don't know.

I have been fantasizing about home schooling her. True, I cannot protect her from the world and she does need socialization with other kids her age. She'll never be able to stand strong alone if I cannot leave her to make her own decsions and mistakes. But I am so tired of the lack of learning for the sake of testing. The absolute boredom and frustration that she seems to take with her to school daily and the friends that make trouble so exciting for her. I fear what this is teaching her and what her teenage years will bring.

I feel torn in so many ways. I want time with her to make learning exciting and teach her values that will help her be all she can be. But we cannot afford it. I worked my butt off to get a college degree that brought me this 9-5 life and paycheck, so it's not only about needing the money, but also not letting the work I did for myself go to waste. I also need to be my own person. Homeschoolers, how do you survive financially?

[lucyjoy]

We learned to cut back and to live on one income. It hasn't been easy. I do without quite a bit. I have a budget that includes everything we need. I shop in bulk at discount outlets. I shop thrift stores for inexpensive clothes, especially for kids who intentionally destroy stuff. As the kids got older and took better care of their clothes, I watched for really good sales. We don't eat out much but that lets us eat family dinner more often at home. We learned to use the library, trade supplies with other home schooling families and use the everything around us as the classroom.

My sister figured out away to do her job from home as the school was not addressing my neices learning disabilities very well. She owns her own marketing company and co-owns a publishing company. She makes a good living, loves her work and can aid in her daughters education. It can be done. My niece also attends lots of camps that help with socialization and exposes her to lots of different things.

Now after saying all that and reading all your posts, I wouldn't recommend trying to homeschool your daughter. Children who are strong willed often turn home school into a battle ground. The parents get frustrated, the kids don't want to learn and it winds up in a constant control battle. The reasons I chose to home school the kids I did was either their triangulation with the school and us or they were so far behind they couldn't keep up and the schools were leaving them to lag behind. To home school a strong willed or extremely stubborn child, you have to be willing to not care if they fail. The chance for this to interfere with your relationship with your daughter could be very high.

I have an 8 year old that is very attached to me that I would not home school because he is way too social. And if he doesn't feel like doing his work, he can dig his heels in. He doesn't do that much at school as it would interfere with recess and fun time at school.

Your a great mom and your child-from your posts-strikes me as being very smart. Maybe you can find a way to build her self esteme up more so she won't want to follow the trouble makers but instead lead them in a different direction. Maybe there are things you could do on the weekends to spend time with her and find things that she can excel at.

[alphamom9]

I totally agree with most of Lucy Joy's post, but am a dedicated HS especially for adopted children. Of course, I have a large family, not an only child, but--on a very basic level you CAN at least shield her from very early sex/drugs/rock and roll, you CAN impart your values-you CANallow her to grow stronger before exposing her to outside influences 24/7. Where I disagree with Lucy(and I'm a mother to 13) is that this is precisely the child I would try to HS. You can always PM me for more info but am not on computer during eves or weekends.Please--think about it.

[leenab]

I homeschool both of our sons. It just came about in an accidental way though. Raj was delayed and in the worng preschool so I pulled him and starting "working with him at home". The 1st month I wasnted to jump out a window. There is definately an initial period of transition involved. But it's almost 2 years later and all is going well. Om has been homeschooled for almost 1 year now and is great.

Om is the stubbornest child I have ever met. I love him dearly, but he's very very strong willed. With homeschooling he knows the deal, if you don't consistantly do your work you will go to public school. In the last year there were 2 weeks that I was so tempted to send him. Other homeschooled parents I know tell me that "wanting to send your child back to public school" is a natural feeling.

My kids are if anything overly socialized. They have karate classes, library classes, homeschool groups 2-3 times a week. We're constantly busy with school work and activities. And the best part is that I can choose who they socialize with. I know the other children's parents and their values.

We have always lived on one income so it hasn't been a big issue for us. We live fairly simply. We have basic cable, get most movies from the library for free, shop at the outlet mall (Dh gets discounts at Bass, CK, Geoffery Beene, Izod, Van Heusen, which helps), only buy generic food/cereal, cook most things from scratch, go out to eat only for special occassions, buy christmad presents in July when or when there are sales, look for good deals online. We have a homeschooler discount car for Borders and Barnes & Noble. They both offer them as well as a lot of other stores. There are also tons of online stores with good deals.

-LeenaB

[Dianna]

Hi, When my two older children were going downhill in public school, I looked around for alternatives and found charter schools. They are free like public school but offer specific things depending on how the school is set up. They also do not have to accept disruptive kids who don't want to be there. There are also other alternatives like Waldorf and Montessori schools which my exist in your area.

It sounds like your level of discomfort is getting to the point where you are becoming willing to make a change. Keep an open mind and expand your alternatives. The right choice for you will come to mind. Best wishes.

[Yvette]

I know exactly how you are feeling. I am a single mom and not very pleased with the school system here. My daughter appears bored out of her mind. She too, is a very strong-willed child. I am currently reading "Parenting the strong-willed child" because of the challenges she presents. She is a beautiful child with a kind and loving spirit, but with a fierce independence. The principal and reading teacher seem bent on labeling her as a problem. My opinion is that would be easier for them because then they wouldn't have to do their jobs. Her main teacher seems more of the mind that my daughter simply needs help in channeling her independence in the right direction. I am thankful for her. But I feel like such a failure sometimes because I know I could offer her so much more in emotional and behavioral support if I could only be there for her more often. Of course that will never happen in my situation, so we forge ahead. I have made more time in my schedule for her, turn off any distractions like TV, phone, radio, so that I can focus completely on her. That was a suggestion from the book and it seems to be slowly changing her behavior. She is always with me running errands or doing housework or weekend trips and homework time. But she needed the extra little bit of complete focus from me. Being a single mom means I have to multi-task and I think she was picking up some of my habits and trying to do two or three things at school and getting in trouble. She can work, listen to another conversation and talk to someone else all at the same time. So I have slowed things way down, and she is moving slower. I just hope it lasts. Is she involved in extra activities? I have to keep my daughter busy. Swimming, gymnastics, ballet. It gives her something to look forward to. We try to get classes set-up on Saturdays because week days are full of school, work and homework. Also, if you belong to a church or have friends with kids the same age range, try to get her involved with kids you approve of like girl scouts, cheerleaders, sports teams. Most cities have some organized groups. Best Wishes!