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Originally Posted By barki

We do not have the Klan here, to the best of my knowledge, nor did I suggest that we did. If we did, we would not be comfortable here and would be looking for another place to live! And please, folks, what Caucasian family in their right mind would work for placement of an African American child in their home and parade them around in an atmosphere such as THAT?! Perhaps I need to be more clear in my postings, but I am not a sadistic person with deviant tendancies.

There is a perception that our town has less tolerance, but mostly because of years past. Recently (the last 15 years) the town has really changed. We only have one tavern now, there are no longer street brawls on Friday and Saturday nights and we now have a more diverse population, but still not a flourishing, multi-racial, multi-ethnic, multi-cultural community. I might also mention that I DO NOT LIVE IN TOWN. Remember the farm thing??? Has anyone been listening when I post???

It is not a matter of our town encouraging bigotry or being rabid bigots against all non-WASP persons. It's that there are few persons of non-caucasian race, and very few African Americans. THAT was my concern!

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Originally Posted By Yvette

Was the board a little too quiet for you? Thought you would just stir the pot a little? Just joking (LOL) I think your heart is in the right place. Some of the posts are just plain weird. Who says if your town is full of bigots and the klan then maybe you shouldn't live there. Pleeeeeeze people. Are you still that naive. The klan and the bigots are everywhere including racially diverse neighborhoods. DUH!!!!! I live in Houston, which is probably as close to a melting pot as the U.S will ever come. This city is extremely diverse, reminds me of Toronto, Canada. I love both places. But guess what? The klan is alive and well. And I'm not moving. And I will raise my daughter here. But remember, Barki is trying to do what is in the best interest of a child who has already had to put up with more than most people will in an entire lifetime. Get a grip and let's not forget why we are here. Stick to your guns Barki. You can't change others no matter how noble that idea may be. But you can look past your own wants, needs and desires to do what is best for a child. Don't let anyone stop you and don't be afraid to stand up, search yourself and follow your heart. You will rarely go wrong.

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Originally Posted By Lisa

Hey Barki, Just to set the record straight the above post from "Lisa" is not me! Not that I have a problem with someone sharing my name on the board but in this situation she and I definitely DON'T share the same opinion!! I think you are perfectly correct in asking questions about what you can and cannot handle whether it's about race or about specific special needs. As a caucasion parent of two beautiful AA boys I thought long and hard before making the decision to cross racial lines. I knew that I could handle it but no one lives in a vacuum and it is unrealistic to ignore the community into which you are bringing a child into. I am very blessed at the moment with a very diverse and accepting neighborhood but if I ever choose to move my family's make-up and the make-up of the communities I look at will always need to mesh. I think each of us on this board have our own strengths and weaknesses and live in very diverse parts of the US so we all choose our children according to their needs and our abilities to meet those needs.

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Originally Posted By barki

I'm feeling singed! LOL No, I figured it would be a hot potato, but I felt comfortable enough with those of you who've been sharing posts and reading mine for the last 9 boards that I thought I'd venture out with a question that I knew would "stir the pot". Hmmm, maybe I'll wait a bit more before bringing up another one, though! LOL Thanks for the encouraging word. )

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Originally Posted By barki

I know that you did your homework AND your soul searching. I loved your photo album. Thanks again for sharing. )

There are a few behind the scenes things that have prompted my question that I just don't want to go into on the internet! ) Thanks for sharing your insights with me. It helps. That goes for all the other responses, too. )

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Originally Posted By AC

Hey Barki, Speaking as a black woman I'll be be first to say "thank you" because I appreciate that at least you are honest and considering all aspects about trans-racial adoptions and just adoption period and approached the subject. It seems some people are getting on their soapbox and preaching to the choir. Alot CAN talk the talk but DON'T walk the walk(People look in the mirror and check yourself). I live in a small town that's predomintely white but I use to live in a large city during college and RACISM is very alive. To be frank that's where I had money thrown at me as a cashier by a guy with klan tattooed on his wrists; this old guy that didn't want a dirty n***** serve his food as a waitress; this lady that tells me not all klan is bad. This was in the big city needless to say when I got pregnant you better believe I chose to bring and raise my children in my small home town where I've NEVER experienced such overt racism in my life and live in a predominetly white nieghboorhood where all the neighbors have introduced themselves and stop to talk when out walking the dog. And I live as far south as you can get FLORIDA. So forget all the negative and do what you do best ...Live Positvely.

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Originally Posted By Shelley

GEE BARKI LETS JUST STRING YOU UP. LOL. I LIVE IN INDIANA AND WE KNOW WHERE THE KKK STARTED WAY BACK WHEN.....ANYWHO(BIG SMILE) IF A PERSON IS COMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA OF TRANS-RACIAL ADOPTION OF ANY RACE AND THEY HAVE THE RESOURCES TO MEET THE CHILDS CULTURE NEEDS THEN GO FOR IT, IF IT ISN'T YOUR CUP OF TEA THAT IS FINE TOO. CAN A MAN RAISE A FEMALE? ISN'T THERE A MAJOR DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE SEXES? AND HAVEN'T MEN RAISED WONDERFUL DAUGHTERS, THEN THAT WOULD SAY THAT IF YOU HAVE UNDERSTANDING,COMPASSION, LOVE, ETC. GET MY POINT. GOOD LORD ANYWHO....

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Originally Posted By Fran

My earlier post wasn't intended to be negative toward anyone except perhaps to the person who said "move if you live in a bigoted town". I've moved around a lot in my life - big towns, small towns, metro areas - north, midwest, east, whatever. Yvette is right - unfortunately there's racism everywhere. If my husband and I ever get transferred back to a major metro area and we are able to adopt more children, we will probably consider it - it just isn't right for this area. While I am in this area I also believe in doing what I can to make this area a better place for everyone. Barki, from your posts you sound like a wonderful parent - and I also think you are right to raise the question that you did. That in itself says you ought to go for it!

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Originally Posted By SHELLEY

Fran, You are doing the right thing and alot of family here will agree. We all need to remember not to judge each other here. This is our save haven where we are here for each other, be supportive you don't have to agree. We all want to help children. Some of us can go down the trans racial road, some of us can only do one sex or the other, and a few can deal with the physical disabilities. That is what makes us all special.

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I grew up in a small town down in Texas of 300 people. Most would say a town full of red necks etc. You know, the ones with all the rebel flags in the back window of their pick up trucks. What most would consider from the outside looking in as most likely racist. (Thing most people don't understand is that those flags were a symbol of southern pride not racist.)

Anyway the point I wanted to make is that I grew up in an almost all white school. We averaged about 10-12 students a class and had only one or two black children per class. I can honestly say that other than television, I never heard a racist remark until I moved to another town to attend high school because they offered courses that my school couldn't. We just didn't have racism, strange as that may sound. The black children in school went to sleepovers with all the other children, attended the same church, and were treated just the same as the other children.

When I moved to a school that was about 50/45/5 there was rampant racism from all three races. You didn't go to the bathroom without at least 3 others of the same race with you or you took a chance on getting jumped by members of whatever race you didn't happen to be.

Anyways, just having others of the same race about won't necessarily make life easier or better for adopted children. I can guarantee if you asked any of the black children I went to elementary and junior high with which school they preferred, the one where they were sadly misrepresented, or the larger one 20 miles away with race violence, EVERY single one of them would choose to be in the school without racism. Even if it meant being the only black child in the class.

There are great points to placing children where there are others of their race close by. There is also no reason to not place just because of lack of their race close. I have heard much of black children need to be around black families so they can learn how to deal with prejudice. Well, hmmm if there is not a great deal of prejudice where you live and where the child will grow up, then maybe just maybe he or she doesn't need to learn how to deal with something that won't be a major part of their lives. Only you know if your friends, neighbors, church members, school children are prejudiced or not and you should make the decision based upon the kind of life the child will grow up in placed in YOUR particular area. Lots of oriental/hispanic/Indian children have been raised in all white neighborhoods and have grown into productive adults that feel very good about their heritage and themselves.

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In 1994, Congress passed the Multiethnic Placement Act (MEPA),
Public Law 103-382, to address excessive lengths of stay in foster care
experienced by children of minority heritage. One factor believed to be
contributing to these excessive lengths of stay in foster care was
State agencie' attempts to place children of minority heritage in
foster and adoptive homes with parents of similar racial or ethnic
backgrounds. The MEPA forbids the delay or denial of a foster or
adoptive placement based on the race, color, or national origin of the
prospective foster parent, adoptive parent, or child involved. At the
same time, Congress added a title IV-B State plan requirement to
section 422(b)(9) of the Act, to compel States to make diligent efforts
to recruit prospective foster and adoptive parents who reflect the
racial and ethnic diversity of the children in the State for whom
foster and adoptive homes are needed.
As originally enacted, section 553 of MEPA permitted States to
consider the cultural, ethnic, or racial background of the child and
the capacity of the prospective foster or adoptive parent to meet the
needs of a child of such background, as one of several factors in
making foster and adoptive placements. In 1996, through section 1808,
``Removal of Barriers to Interethnic Adoptions,'' of the Small Business
Job Protection Act (Pub. L. 104-188), Congress repealed section 553 of
MEPA, believing that the ``permissible consideration'' language therein
was being used to obfuscate the intent of MEPA. Section 1808 of Public
Law 104-188 amended title IV-E by adding a State plan requirement,
section 471(a)(18) of the Act, which prohibits the delay or denial of a
foster or adoptive placement based on the race, color, or national
origin of the prospective foster parent, adoptive parent, or child
involved. Section 1808 of Public Law 104-188 also dictates a penalty
structure and corrective action planning for any State that violates
section 471(a)(18) of the Act.

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Hey Barki all I can say is AMEN to Soapbox and everyone else who is in your corner.I didn't realize how racism was so alive till I moved to the Rocky Mountains from Calif.Talk about culture shock.Like I said I tend to respect overt prejudice more than the sneaky smile in your face then stab you in the back kind like here.This weekend I took my Christmas present a diamond anniversary band my partner gave me to get fitted at the jewelry store.I'm sitting there waiting my turn and a young lady comes in and the guy I'm waiting on turns to the other salesmen and asks him to wait on me although he was already with another couple so I would be waiting another while.I spoke up,rabble rouser that I am,and said "I'm just here to pick up my ring and I'll be on out your way" loud enough to be heard by all.Needless to say I'll never go back to that store and spend any money.