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Originally Posted By barki

I think I didn't like being told that we "shouldn't" adopt trans-racially (sounds like a souped up car!) because I don't like that kind of thinking. I also dated "outside" my race before I married and experienced some of the winks and nods that were almost, but not quite, behind our backs. I did end up marrying someone who is Caucasian -- mostly, but isn't really sure...LOL! Race wasn't a criteria that I looked for in a spouse, and I dislike that it seems to "have" to be when we are adding to our family.

It was interesting to hear you discuss how racist comments affect your heart. I can empathise. I don't have children of other races, but family members. Race is part of what makes us who we are, it can tear us apart or bring us together. I read somewhere that the most distantly we can be related to another person on the whole planet is 32nd cousin. When you think about that it isn't all THAT far apart! Still, we as humans always find a way to pigeon-hole ourselves. If it isn't race it's body shape, gender, age, financial position, high school football teams, etc. etc. We have our work cut out for ourselves to have peaceful co-existance at all! LOL

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Today our wonderful little boy was "officially told" by his social worker that he is to be adopted by us. Mind you, he already had much of the situation figured out after our recent visit, even though we were not to discuss adoption with him at that time... The subject of race came up in the conversation and here is a portion of that discussion, as reported back to me by the foster mom:

Social worker: "Demario, what color are you?"

Our boy: "Black."

Social worker: "What color are Roger and Susan?"

Our boy: "White."

Social worker: "How do you feel about being adopted by a white family?"

Our boy: "Can they be my family forever and ever?"

Social worker: "Yes."

Our boy: "Then I'm very, very happy."

- Susan C.
Mom-to-be of the most wonderful little boy, who has taught my daughters through a wonderful picture he sent us for Christmas that Santa Claus - in his opinion at least - is a very jolly black man.

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Originally Posted By Kegan

Can they be my family forever and ever?... What the children want is a home...

My son was the only black kid of his seven foster "brothers" during my visit all I heard was "Michael has a cool Dad", I loved and hugged them with all my strength. Some of them didn't know what it was to be hugged by a guy. THEY LOVED IT! One of the guys asked, can I call you "Dad"? Of course you can... later he gave me a resume as to why I should adopt him. It was so touching. I think he figured out up front that I was black, but his life was too complicated to hung up into incidentals... He wanted me for his Dad, I was "cool"

Folks, don't let the bad guys win. Yes, we have to be sensitive to the child and what will impact them. But the bad guys don't adopt they do more for the tattoo and beer industries than society.

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Originally Posted By Giglybrat

Ok, personally, my hubby and I have decided not to take placements of black children only for the reason of where we live. I grew up in very diverse neighborhoods, and had friends of all colors. Now I live in a very bigoted area in the south. There are not any blacks within almost 30 miles of where I live. Neither of us know much about the culture, so it would be hard to foster. Neither of us feel it would be right to raise a black child with no knowledge of fostering their culture. The main point of this I guess is just to decide what you would be comfortable with. If you are comfortable with adopting a different race, great. If you aren't, great. If you are comfortable with your choice, then your child will be too.

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Originally Posted By Mike

Believe it or not, some of us in Indiana know that TJ is Tijuana. We all don't sit around on tractors and go cow-tipping. : )

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Originally Posted By yrand

Ha!ha!I knew I'd get a rise out of someone in the mid-west.
I'm from California and I was in my 20's before I ever traveled down there and it was the first time I ever saw true squalour in my life,people living in cardboard boxes etc.So
I was exaggerating about W.Denver it is'nt THAT bad!But my girls foster father does have a $80,000 motor home parked out in front of their row house.

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Originally Posted By Keagan

Having discussed the merits of cross-racial adoption, I personally admire those who choose that option. Initially, I envision my adoptive family as resembling myself in hue. I also had certain age and behavior restriction. Over the past two years I've tossed all of those criterion out the window.

In short I believe it natural for one to preference a child that resemble themselves, and super-natural, and exceptional those who have chosen to adopt outside their race. Nor is it an indication that we are prejudice, or evil. It's a preference. Am I suggesting that those people are somehow better than those of us who have selected a more traditional approach? Well, sort of, maybe not better but they might have a little extra twinkle in their crown of stars when they stand before God.

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Originally Posted By Shelley

Hi Hon and all hope you had a wonderful Holiday! Peoples ignorance will be there no matter what. It is sad that after this many years on Earth we aren't further. Do whatever your heart tells you, Yes you will be looked at differant. But no matter what race or sex or the disability society isn't mature enough to see the greater good, that I have read you all have and are doing. S

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Originally Posted By No name

Frankly, I can't see how that would be a good place to raise any child, of any color. Before you adopt maybe you should consider moving. That attitude can wear off on a child.

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Originally Posted By barki

We already have two children. Please don't try to tell me that your town is bigot free, I wouldn't believe you. All it takes is one bad apple to ruin a bushel. Can you think of anywhere in the world that there isn't someone who is intolerant of some other "type" of person?

Yes, my children are influenced by where we live, but I believe that they are more influenced by whom they live with. We do not accept racial jokes, slurs, or negative language about others in our home. Unkind speech is not acceptable in any form and we work on having an unselfish attitude about life, placing others first. This encourages a heart that is open to others in understanding. I believe that this is how we would teach our children no matter where we lived. After all, bigots are made, not born, so even in a racially diverse neighborhood you can have bigots and hatreds of all kinds flourish.

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Originally Posted By No name

There are deniably places where the klan is still active, bigotry is talked about and accepted, and where others are disparaged more than in other places. I question why anyone who would describe their town t hat way, would still live there. Not a good plan, imo. There are so many other towns!

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Originally Posted By barki

but I really didn't expect it to get THIS much response. LOL

And Shelley, How's it going??? I'm not on my computer as much and when I get on I'm having a hard time getting hooked up faster than 14,000 bps. Yow! It could take for ever just to download this page at that rate! How is TX looking?? Don't you hear something soon? The first of the year is coming along faster than I thought! What's with THAT, anyway?!

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Originally Posted By Fran

My husband and I were transferred into the southeastern U.S., we are not originally from this area. Like Giglybrat, we too have said we would not take placement of AA or biracial children because of the prevailing attitude towards blacks in this area. That also doesn't make it any less of a good area to raise children - it's actually better than a lot of major metropolitan areas! I have a very good career that will help me provide a very good life for any children we adopt (my husband will be the Mr. Mom) - I'm certainly not going to throw that away because this area may not be as progressive as other areas of the country. It's MY responsibility as a parent to make sure my children grow up to value all people. I grew up on a farm in the Midwest - there were very few blacks in the area, but that didn't stop my parents from raising me and my siblings to value diversity. Amazingly enough, a black couple who are very good friends of ours here tell us they felt the area was "colorblind" when they grew up here (they are in their late 50s)- they are very happy with the area, and they are just average working folks. Diversity has to start somewhere, even in the south - people who value diversity need to do their part to make sure their children grow up with diversity of thought towards race, culture AND religion. Why should I be considered less of a person because I don't want a special needs child of color to go through more any more trauma than they already have been through?

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Originally Posted By Lisa

I had to speak up on this. Didn't Keagan pose putting yourself in the child's shoes? If you have placed two kids to the wolves why are you questioning the legitimacy? What you and your husband have done is callous and wrong.

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Originally Posted By barki

Please re-read the original message. If you will notice, I asked other's opinions, so that it's fine that you express yours, but you will have to also notice that we have NOT adopted a child of another race. I was saying that it was too late to No Name who suggested that we not have any child at all while living where we do. In that, No Name is too late because we have 2 wonderful children, and I'm not callous or wrong in having them, thank you very much.

And the idea of being in someone else's shoes is fine -- to a point. How do I know how someone else will feel?? I'm not them. I can only superimpose my ideas of how I might feel if I were that person. So, the jury is still out on if we will adopt cross-racially or not. I have a feeling that it will be like our first adoption -- we'll know it's the right one when it happens.