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Originally Posted By Lynda

I really hope that someone can give me some advice.
My nieghbor has a cousin who's children now age 2 & 5 were taken away by the state of Florida and are currently in foster care and are free to be adopted. The 2 year old was taken away at birth and both of the girls are in seperate homes and have never lived together.

My neighbor is a working single mom and interested in adopting just the 5 year old and my husband and I would very much like to adopt the 2 year old. She is a special needs child and I'm a stay at home mom and we feel we can provide the best care for her.

The problem is that the social workers are trying to talk my neighbor into adopting both of the children, because of the fact that she is a relative they say that she will have a better chance of getting them. We are in NY state so at this time me are dealing with 2 different states.

The children have a state appointed guardian that seems to be pushing to place them both together in Florida in the same home. Most of the girls family is in New York state so if they were here they would be in constant contact with there biological relatives. Something my husband and I feel is very important.

We were told by social services in Florida that there was no need for us to have a lawyer but it seems that there is no one to speak for us when it comes to court. Meaning the judge will only hear what ever social services and the guardian place before him/her.

My neighbor had suggested that maybe we should just go through with just her adopting them and once the girls are in NY that she could turn the 2 year old over to us. I'm not sure if it would be that simple... People do it every day with their biological children but I think it may be more difficult with adopted children.

We really feel it would be in the 2 year olds best interest to be with us. If she was with my neighbor she would either end up in daycare or I would be babysitting her myself anyway so why not place her with my husband and I right from the beginning...

Thank you for any suggestion you can give us, Lynda in NY

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Originally Posted By Pam

I'm not real clear on this, but it seems that the girls are not residing in your state right now (although it could be the other way around)....if they are in the custody of Florida and you live in NY, that's a problem. Since a relative has been found for one of the kids, it is absolutely the norm that they would try to place both girls in the same home. Siblings are only seperated if absolutely necessary. I understand why they are trying to talk this relative into taking both girls.
Relatives will always be given preference over non-relatives in adoption, if they are fit. Do you have a completed homestudy? Are you licensed? If so, you may try to ask if YOU can adopt both girls. IMO, no biological bond, other than parents, is more important than the sibling bond...so even if she would have relatives near you, would she be near her sister? Guess I'm unclear again.
If you have a completed, updated homestudy, the best thing you can do is to ask to adopt both girls. I'm sure a priority is to keep the girls together.
Good luck.

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Originally Posted By Pam

Your neighbor will GIVE you the child?

I'm not a lawyer, but I don't think that's legal. Once the adoption is finalized, which means a wait of probably about six months, I think the guardian can legally procede to give you the rights to the child, but nobody can just give a child away....I'd check with a good family lawyer on this.

You can hire a lawyer in Florida. I know many who have hired lawyers. Social services is the most influential, and probably who the judge will listen to the most.

To be honest, I wouldn't touch this with a ten foot pole. Sounds kind of on the shady side.

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Originally Posted By Lynda

I did not mean that she would just give us the child... We would legally proceed to turn her over to us... We still feel that would be in her best interest seeing she would either be in daycare or I would have her daily anyway.

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Originally Posted By yrand

I got a message from my girl's GAL and she says they are getting ready to set a review hearing in the new county for
next month.Hopefully the determination will again be TPR and
a permanent placement plan for them with ME! Since these children you're talking about are young like my girls it is not likely they'll consider splitting them up in any case.They realize that younger siblings do best when kept together.

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Originally Posted By barki

I don't think that social workers look with favor on making side deals regarding changing guardians for children again after an adoption. In fact, if they know about it I can see that as potentially DISqualifying the adoption from occuring. It sounds as though investing in an adoption lawyer would be a good idea for you, and try to communicate thru your lawyer with the social workers involved. Relying on 2nd hand information isn't going to accomplish much, any way. There are some red flags here, so proceed with caution.

Also, siblings are sometimes placed seperately, but this is usually a LAST resort. The caseworkers USUALLY try to recruit until the last possible minute to place them together - unless there is harmful interaction between the children, and even then some contact is sometimes considered if the situation eases. While you don't provide a lot of particular information on this sibling group you should plan on the caseworkers at least attempting to place them together.

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Originally Posted By Lynda

Well, my nieghbor called and talked to the girls social worker in Florida. It seems that she and her supervisor feel the best way for us to do this is for my neighbor to adopt both girls and once everything is set and she (my nieghbor) is the girls legal guardian for us to seek an attorney and legally have the 2 year old's guardianship turned over to my husband and I.
It seems that the reason we have to do it this way is because the court appointed guardian is pushing for the girls to remain in Florida and be adopted there.

It has already been said that if my nieghbor and I were relatives there would not be a problem with placing the girls seperately. The family has first rights to the children.

Because my husband and I are not related to the girls the social workers feel the court appointed guardian will use this in the court to try to keep the girls in Florida. If my nieghbor adopts both girls she will have no fight. The social workers think it's best to get the girls to NY however we can and get this court appointed guardian out of the picture.

I really hope things work out as we have planned... I'm just really surprised that the social workers have suggested this. I think that they agree that it's in the 2 year olds best interest to be with my husband and I. My nieghbor has a 7 1/2 year old girl and my husband and I have a 6 year old girl that can't wait to be big sisters! They are already very close and they feel that adopting these 2 little girls will make them more like sisters!!!

Thanks for listening to me ramble! I'll keep you updated. Lynda in NY