[leleloveall]

Hi...We are very new to this, as we are still waiting to be contacted by someone regarding our home study. ANY information at all would be helpful. We found a beautiful 7 year old from a different state on the photo listings who has severe physical and metal disablitlies.
After reading many other postings, I'm a little discouraged. We really would love to adopt this little boy. And yet I've been reading about how you are sometimes not "picked" or "approved" by the social worker for that particular child. I'm a bit confused by that. He is in the foster care system. How difficult do you think this will be for us to adopt him????
Also, how long can I expect to wait to bring him home??? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!!!

[aMarylandfamily]

Adopting an older child, especially from the state's foster care system, is much more difficult than anyone could ever imagine ... yet very much worth the "journey"! However, do not (and I repeat do not) fall in love with a child on the photo-listing. While many have located their child via same, often by the time you see a child on one their worker has several homestudies being reviewed and if you do not already have an approved homestudy will be placed before same is completed. The homestudy process generally takes from 3-6 months for completion of training, documents required (background/finger-printing step is generally a major hold-up) and actual completion of social worker visits and final write-up/approval. Your first step is to contact your local DSS agency (or private depending on your preference in your area) and begin the homestudy process and go forth from there. I could, as many here could, write a book on all the steps - suggest you start asking questions (and there will be alot of them before, during and along the way) here and let those of us who have walked the steps of the journey share our advice and wisdom (some of which you will use and other parts you will not) and join hands - the support and encouragement (even at the downest of times ... which we all have or will experience) is worth more than you will know and a year from now - hopefully - you will be the one answering your question when raised by another and offering that hand!

Best wishes and keep us posted!

[missw005]

Originally Posted by leleloveall

Hi...We are very new to this, as we are still waiting to be contacted by someone regarding our home study. ANY information at all would be helpful.

So.....you don't have a home study? If you're waiting for a county/state agency to contact you, it could be a while. Missouri has had many many budget issues, and being that you want to adopt an out of state child, you may not be high on their priority list. You could get your homestudy through a private agency, but you typically have to pay $1000-3000.
As for the child, you can't even apply for him until you have an approved adoptive homestudy in your hot little hands. If he is severely disabled, the worker may put your name down for interest in him, as he may only have a couple people who have called about him, but they can't do anything until you have an approved homestudy.

Originally Posted by leleloveall

We found a beautiful 7 year old from a different state on the photo listings who has severe physical and metal disablitlies.
After reading many other postings, I'm a little discouraged. I've been reading about how you are sometimes not "picked" or "approved" by the social worker for that particular child. I'm a bit confused by that. He is in the foster care system. How difficult do you think this will be for us to adopt him????

As he is 7, with severe disabilities, again, there may not be many (if any) people calling about him. However, there may be other families who also see him as the child they're waiting for - and if they have a homestudy, they'll obviously be considered ASAP because they're already approved. But it is, for lack of a better word, a competition between you and whatever other families have applied for him. The workers look at the homestudies of all the families that have applied for him and choose the best family for him and his needs. It's not about you - and what you want - it's about him and what will work best for him. For example, whether you have other children (leaving more time for him), whether one of you is a stay at home parent (less time for him to be with caregivers), whether you're close to a childrens hospital, or at least specialists who work with medical issues he has (longer distance means more time in the car for him), etc., etc.

Originally Posted by leleloveall

He is in the foster care system. How difficult do you think this will be for us to adopt him????
Also, how long can I expect to wait to bring him home??? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!!!

As for difficulty, again, it just depends on how many people/families apply for him and exactly what his SW is looking for in a family for him.
How long to bring him home? Well, you can't do anything until you have your homestudy. Then you need to wait for his SW and a placement committee to have a staffing for him to determine which family would be the best match for him.
Now, a whole heck of a lot of this entire situation depends on what state he's from (and what state you're from, for that matter.) Some states are AWFUL to deal with (ie., Florida) I've applied for kids from states last fall and STILL haven't heard anything (not from the lack of me calling) because they still haven't made a decision for that child. They just don't have their act together!!!
And, being that you're from Missouri, who is having major financial cutbacks right now, you may be slowed down by your own state as well.

So.....let's say you get your homestudy approved. You go through the matching process and are actually chosen for this little boy. (at least 3-6 months have passed, unless you're really lucky) Now the ICPC paperwork (transfering a special needs from one state/family to another state/family, medical insurance, etc., etc.,) starts - and the least amount of time I've heard of that taking is 6 weeks - but as long as 6 months in other states.

There is no official timeline. Everything depends on the different people in the chain........(homestudy person, child's SW, child's matching team/committee, your SW, ICPC people in EACH state, etc., etc.).........and you have NO control over any of it. Let me tell you, from personal experience, it's EXTREMELY FRUSTRATING!!!!! And the whole time you're thinking........but this is more time my child is living with someone else, instead of us, his new family! And not getting the better care we can give him! And he's getting older every day! And we're missing his life!!!

Special needs adoption is NOT for the weak of heart or small of mouth. You have to be able to stick it out to get your child, then spend the rest of their childhood speaking out for them.

I wish you all the luck in the world bringing home this little boy. Get on the phone and try to get him home to you!!!

Best wishes,
Sandy

[leleloveall]

Thanks amarylandfamily, for your quick reply and I really appreciated all you information. Too late however on the falling in love part. I wept (and am still crying) when I read what you wrote about not falling in love. I really hope that will not be the case. I thought that most of these children on the photo listings were the hardest to place??? Well, I will keep you posted and I really hope my story will be one of those really smooth and happy ending ones, not one of the heart wrenching ones that I've read.

[leleloveall]

Sandy,
thank you soooo much.... I can't tell you how encouraging talking to someone who knows about this is. I Guess I am just starting to experience the feelings everyone else who is farther down the road experiences. It hurts and it sucks!!!! But I really do find your advice encouraging. I will stay strong because I really do want to bring this little boy home. I know this probably sounds wierd, but I feel like he's mine in my heart and he's staying with someone else. I know many people are going to think "oh boy, she's gotten too attached to someone she may not ever even get" but I can't help it!! I just have to trust my heart and follow this thing through. And I think I have found where I can get the emotional support I need...here with those of you who have walked in my shoes....thanks again....Leanna in Missouri..
oh, and by the way, he is from Texas...and info on that would be great

[crick]

Lele - keep that positive attitude! It will only help you if the journey should throw you some obstacles.

There are positive stories on here, so read those too. It's not that the above posters are trying to discourage you, just trying to give you an overall picture of the possibilities. Often times people come into this process thinking because there are so many kids waiting for homes, it should be easier and quicker. Sometimes that's just not the case. The states have so many rules & regulations that can make it more difficult than say a domestic infant adoption. (and I'm in no way saying a domestic infant adoption is an easy ride, not at all!) Just saying that despite the needs & desires, there are additional hoops we have to jump through before we can be parents of special needs kids.

And yet...there are those of us who had a relatively easy process, the hoops were jumped through without delays, homestudies, classes, etc. were completed quickly, and some of us were placed with our kids within a short time frame. Everyone's experience is different, so keep that in mind.

Good luck to you and do keep asking questions!
Crick

[aMarylandfamily]

Today is your lucky day (or maybe not) as I am still on the computer.

While it has been said that the hardest to place children are those who appear on the web sites, that is not always the case ... and you might find a child who is appearing available that is still available but again - do not fall in love - many workers get as many as 500 homestudies on their children and have to narrow it down to 3 for presentation to a committee or staffing and have to determine which of those 3 are best for the child - as the above poster noted - not what is best for you or what you will want ... and all of this is very time-consuming - months often pass and the child still appears as available when in fact they are in the process of determining which placement is best ... and in those months times some of the child's needs (medical and emotional) may have changed and then also have to be addressed ... so again - not a simple process but worth it.

Call on starting the process - NOW - many agencies only do their required 27 or 36 hour training sessions once or twice a year (Fall and Spring) and you will want to get your name on the list (even if you decide not to at the last minute or to wait til the next one - once they are "full", you don't get a choice).

And as the above poster noted also - some states are wonderful to work with and others are beyond belief on the difficult stage. Some states provide assistance and services that others don't and that also makes a difference in the state you pursue if leaving your home state for a placement (i.e. Massachussetts does not generally pay for post supervision services).

Read up on the How to Get Started web sites and see what questions you have of what will be required and start firing the questions our way - as said the support here is amazing and always there - especially when you need to growl (a/k/a major venting!) over this ... those of us who have personal hands-on experience to the rewards and pains are the bestest listeners.

Keep writing!

[dadfor2]

leleloveall

our experience is different...when we were in MAP classes, and our homestudy was sitll not complete, we were approached about our boys.

the hardest part for the kids social worker and us, was actually getting the homestudy completed....(the typing part).

but once that was done, the process was real fast, about 1 month before we met the child.

our disclosure meeting was before our homestudy was completed (typed).

there were other families interested in the boys but we knew in our hearts, that what ever family waas picked, that it was meant to be that way.

one thing i have found, maybe unlike others, there are way too many kids and not enough families, so with that said....the number of families waiting for a seven yr old boy with physical/mental disabilities....im not sure how many families are interested...


did you finish your classes? nothing will happen until that is done...

if its just the homestudy your waiting for...well, id keep calling.....the Social workers are overworked and if you reamin behind the scenes, you become 'out of site, out of mind'

so im not really sure where you are in the process....

your looking at a different state...so im not sure what that process is....im assuming longer.

[MsPoppy]

Hi, let me introduce myself , Im Jeannette, Im going to be joining you all on this fun ride, as we are starting our Mapp classes August 13th, we are going through a private agency that contracts through the state, Im hoping things will go a bit smoother that way, Ive been reading here on the forums for a couple of months now, ive read NOTHING that will discourage me, cause Im on a mission LOL, To hopefully one day be chosen as the faimly for a child or two,I know its not going to be easy, or maybee it will be, LOL, but im all for it and so is my hubby, I already have 3 grown girls from my previous marriage, hubby has none from his, we were both married to exes for about the same length of time 17 years, but we figure we are young enough to still go for it,adopt that is,he is 48 im 45, so, we are on our way!! Glad to know you all are here, what a GREAT group of people

Jeannette

[Indy]

My esteemed collegues are correct...it takes time and you may not end up with the children that you first saw. There were these two bio brothers I was just sure that were to be my sons. I had just started the process and the state wanted completed homestudies. So, I was not considered.

Six months later, I was ready. My first son moved in a week later. I started working on son #2 in January, 2000. He moved home in July, 2000. Sons #3 and #4 took a little longer, 14 months after looking and 21 trips back and forth...January 2002. Sons #5 and #6 moved in 3 months after I decided to add to the family, that was May, 2003. Son #7 moved in July, 2004...after starting looking in February, 2004. I wasn't looking for #8...state called me and he moved in a week later.

I have received calls from workers I have worked with in the past that want to place with me again...I just tell them that RETIREMENT is 5 years away!!! That is when CH graduates from high school. I am selling everything, buying a motor home, and hitting the road.

Best of luck to you in your journey.

[leleloveall]

Thanks again to everyone....I feel just sooo much better knowing that you all are our there....Well, yesterday morning after getting off the computor, I contacted a private adoption agency here in Missouri. I will have my home study papers in my "hot little hands" (lol) anytime now, as I had them fed-ex them to me....(I told you, I'm determined...I'm ready to jump through those hoops) The yound lady who will be doing my home study told me she can have my home study done in as little as 4 weeks, so long as I do my part in getting my papers filled out etc....we will also be driving to Jefferson City where she stated that they will do my background check in a day if I hand deliver it.....so, needless to say I'm feeling a bit better....HOWEVER....they do not do out of state adoptions...so they will do the home study and the 3 post adoption visits (unless dfs requires that they do it) and then they said that I will need to contact the boys SW and that his SW will be my facilitator. Sound correct???? Anywho...what is the Mapp classes everyone is talking about??? Are they mandatory for the adoption of a special needs child??? Can I go to these classes if needed, if I'm going through a private agency????
Thanks again for everything....
waiting ever so patiently in Missouri....Leanna Ü

[crick]

Yes, if you adopt through a state foster care program, you will need to take classes. Your agency should either offer the classes themselves or have the list where you go to take the classes.
Remember...the agency is YOUR advocate so they should be offering all the information you need etc. I suspect if you do an in state adoption, the agency would be more involved...meaning you wouldn't necessarily be contacting a child's sw etc. They would likely do that. (At least mine did)

The number of classes or rather I should say the number of hours needed vary by state. Again, your agency should give you all this information to help you jump through the hoops.

Have you already paid this agency? If you haven't, you might consider calling a few other agencies to see if they do out of state adoptions, etc.

[leleloveall]

Hey big bad mama....(love that name by the way..lol) thanks for that info...I will check into a few more agencys since I have not paid them yet... waiting patiently in Missouri...Leanna Ü