[jusquapres]

Hello everyone. I am new to these forums & am rather glad I found them, because I've got quite a few questions.

I have been researching adoption options for about three months now, mostly international, until I read a bit about older child adoption & really felt this was the best option for starting a family. So now I'm sorta starting from scratch in the research department.

I will be attending an orientation in my county next month, however does anyone have any suggestions where I can look for information until then? Honestly I'm a bit overwhelmed with all the websites & books & if I can get a push in the right direction, I'd appreciate it.

I do have a small support group of adoption minded friends, however most of them adopted internationally, so I am really really looking to connect with people who have gone through the journey I am now embarking on.

Thank you for your time.
Sami

[kay]

Hi Sami,

Welcome! The first thing I'd recommend is to read and participate in these forums - the real-life experience you'll "get" here is far superior than anything you'll get in a book. That said, the books that spring to my mind are the Love and Logic books, byFoster Cline and Jim Fay. Amusing enough not to be off-putting, but very good suggestions. (Pre-adoption, you're likely to say "no kid of mine would ever . . ." - well, they will, and these books give you solid ideas for dealing with it!) Also I can't recommend Nancy Thomas highly enough - though she deals with very seriously disturbed children, again, enough of the behaviors are similar to what you'll face that her suggestions are priceless.

I notice you're in CA - Southern? Northern? Going through the County, or through a private agency? Just curious, as I'm from CA too. Are you interested in a boy? girl? siblings? infant? older child?

Good luck, and again, welcome!

[jusquapres]

Thank you so much for the reply & the book reccomendations, I'll be sure to read them all. At this stage resources are what I am looking for.

As for specifics I am in Los Angeles County (So. Calif.) & so far plan to adopt through the county... older child.

[dadfor2]

welcome jusquapres...
thats great...older kid adoptions are wonderful...

you might want to read 'adopting the hurt child'..also..its more of how are kids see things...and ways we can parent them

some older kids do come with some issues, but to watch them change with some security and love is truly amazing.

if i was ever to adopt again, i would do another 'older child' in a heart beat...(but dont worry folks, its not on my mind, and i doubt it ever will be again..but if i did....lol)

but to repeat with what kay said...these forums are a wonderful place to get knowledge from others who have been there and done that.

its amazing, you put down a problem your child might be having, and a bunch of people wil tell you what they did and what worked.

of course with anything, people do have different ideas and you get to pick what you are most comfortable with and i think thats whats great about these forums...the different types of parents out there.

keep reading the forum, and if you have any specific questions, im sure we can help you

[Barksum]

I just picked up an "old" book at the library that might be of general interest. At first I didn't think it would really apply...but man, some things just never change! LOL

It's "Our Special Child" by Bette M. Ross. The copyright is 1981 but she raised her family in the 60's and 70's.

This book is about rearing childing with mental retardation or physical handicaps in particular, but most of the suggestions and guidelines would work equally well with ANY kind of special needs child. She talks about advocating for the child even in the face of professional skepticism or criticism. (boy, have we been there and done that!) Pushing the envelope. Demanding more, from the child, from the professionals, from ourselves as parents. Lots of good tidbits.

It is very dated, but the general issues remain the same. Here is a direct quote, "Few things are harder for the average parent than to stand apart from the crowd and demand rights for their child that other children in similar circumstances have been denied. Yet sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes, if you keep your sense of humor, you can learn to like it. Many times, when you see your efforts result in doors opening for others following, you experience the wonderful feeling of knowing it's worth it." See, some things just DON'T change.

Or this: "School district administrators refused to transfer their daughter on the ground that their district did provide a school that, on paper, served children of marie Rose's age and disability. The fact that no children were within years of her age mattered not to them. What mattered was one thing: money." Ok, this was way too familiar, too! LOL They go on to discuss ADA (average daily attendance funding) and how this can impact decisions made by the school district.

Oops, sorry to get going. LOL It was just interesting to see how, in 1980, they were dealing with the EXACT same issues, fighting the same battles and making their own small victories. Some things really have changed, such as the idea that all children born with Down Syndrome routinely being sent to institutions and parents who opted to not send their children to an institution were really bucking the system. Other things, sadly, have progressed little or not at all.

[gclvaruba]

Originally Posted by Barksum

Or this: "School district administrators refused to transfer their daughter on the ground that their district did provide a school that, on paper, served children of marie Rose's age and disability. The fact that no children were within years of her age mattered not to them. What mattered was one thing: money." Ok, this was way too familiar, too! LOL They go on to discuss ADA (average daily attendance funding) and how this can impact decisions made by the school district.

It is true, somethings just never change. Our local public school was in denial that our dd had received an Asperger's diagnosis. In their actual words, "We already have too many of those". Needless to say she is no longer at that school and is blossoming this year in her new school.

[kamamsm]

We've adopted three times. Two times were teens one was a younger one ( 8). We've also had one adoption that we decided not to persue after we were chosen & introduced, and one that disrupted due to a disturbed child. Our youngest ended up being our RAD child. We didn't plan on RAD- as a matter of fact we specifically asked NOT to have a RAD child selected. Alas, there are times when SWs aren't as truthful as needed. So we have had a 24/7 ordeal with her. ( She'll get better.) But I want you to know- I'd do a teen adoption in a minute! They have worked so well, and we are all so bonded! So good luck God Bless and EDUCATE yourself.