[LEXIELYN]

Hello!
We are going through our local DSS for adoption and have completed the Orientation. Our parenting classes are scheduled for the last 2 weekends in February. After that, we have the homestudy. I've heard what to expect, but I really want to hear about your pesonal experiences with this process.

What happened? What did you say that you wish you had not said? What do you wish that you had said/done? Are there topics to stay away from? Did you feel comfortable w/ the person doing the study? If not, how did you handle it? Did you and your spouse discuss answers to possible questions before the study was done? How long did each meeting take? Did you perpare a meal while the person was there? Did anything funny happen that sticks out in your mind.

I'm just curious, so any responses are very much appreciated. I have gotten so much from reading this board over the past 6 months. We are so excited to begin this process of bringing our baby HOME!

[crick]

Originally Posted by LEXIELYN

What happened? What did you say that you wish you had not said? What do you wish that you had said/done? Are there topics to stay away from? Did you feel comfortable w/ the person doing the study? If not, how did you handle it? Did you and your spouse discuss answers to possible questions before the study was done? How long did each meeting take? Did you perpare a meal while the person was there? Did anything funny happen that sticks out in your mind.

Lexielyn - congratulations on getting this far!

As we had already been through the preliminary interviews which I found more stressful, and had done all the essay ppwk baring our history, details and souls, I was relieved to feel that the actual homestudy visit was pretty stress free and comfortable.

Our caseworker came to the frantically overcleaned house, a tray of sandwiches and iced tea as it was near lunchtime (which she only accepted the offer of the tea) and 2 very nervous parents to be. Luckily she put us at ease and we basically just sat down and talked for an hour. Then she looked over the house but wasn't checking out every nook and cranny and cobweb. After she left, dh & I turned to each other and just laughed because we were so relieved it went so well and had to chuckle at all the pre-stress we put ourselves through.

We answered her questions honestly and beforehand we pretty much discussed our views of child rearing a child who may have certain challenges and how they differed etc. That gave us a much better way of answering her questions of "how will you handle....?" Discussing those things with each other beforehand really helped us. We also discussed questions we wanted to ask her and that helped as well.

Enjoy your classes and as I say to everyone going through those specific classes and on this journey...."Never think the issues they discuss won't happen with YOUR child, but think instead "Can I handle those issues and how will I handle it IF my child has these challenges?"

Crick

[Jennifriend]

Well, I too was extremely nervous about the homestudy process. Fortunately, we were able to get to know our sw through our MAAPS class before she came to our house. I remembered her saying that she liked diet coke, so I had a glass of it ready when she got there. Our first meeting was scheduled for late afternoon so I also served chocolate chip cookies (fresh from the oven so my house smelled so good!). The second visit was first thing in the morning so I asked her not to eat breakfast before coming and I served a French Toast Casserole (also makes the house smell good).

She asked lots of questions about our relationships growing up and how that affects how we view things today. Pretty much everything we discussed was already written in our long application...so it was pretty much filling in some details so she could write an accurate homestudy for us.

She did look around our home. I think she was looking more for safety concerns, like locked medications and a fire extinguisher, etc. I did spend some time cleaning to make sure everything sparkled though. She did comment on how homey and welcome she felt. I think she was looking more for my ability to be nurturing and welcoming than having everything perfect.

Best wishes on your adventure...

[LEXIELYN]

THANKS ALL! This is what I was looking for. Please keep it coming. I'm printing this off to take home for my husband to read!!

[Barksum]

The others have pretty much said exactly what we experienced; the written paperwork was pretty comprehensive, and the "interview" was more to get a feel for us as a couple (family actually, as our children were included in some of the visits/talks) and to better understand what we had written down in our biographies. Our cw did ask for clarification on some of the written portion. He wanted to know the "whys" behind some of the answers, that kind of thing.

I, too, overcleaned frantically. My Dh is pretty mellow. He is who he is, like him or whatever -- and that's how he really feels! It isn't a shell he uses to cover his real feelings. But then, when I ask him what he is thinking he says, "Nothing" and that's really true, too. He can actually have nothing going on in his brain. Amazing person. Anyway, Dh is also very patient with my uptightness about things and will help clean the house top to bottom before Important People come over.

He did give me a strange look when I cleaned the oven before a caseworker came one time. Hey, knowing the oven was clean made ME feel better. I really didn't think the cw would look in my oven, but it's like wearing clean socks that match, you know? Well, if you are like my Dh, maybe you don't know. He can wear an unironed shirt while having clothes tossed higgledy-piggledy into his dresser drawers and still be happy as a clam. As I've said, he's an amazing person.