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Originally Posted By Sondra

Last night my husband and I were doing our intial paperwork for our classes. After working about twenty minutes, I found out his true feelings about this class. HE IS SCARED TO DEATH!! I had no idea that he had this much anxiety about the class.

Chris is a great father to our bio child and he would make a great father to the kids we adopt. He knows this and has no fear about adopting some children. His problem is the actual class itself. Chris is a very smart guy ( he has an IQ of 130 so he isnt a dummy ). The problem is that Chris didnt finish high school. He is a slow reader and writer. Last night he blurted out how they might want him to read aloud in front of everyone and he would look like a complete idiot. I told him that I thought that the classes were just informative and that we would do our homework at home.

Chris is an owner of his own business so he has come very far considering his educational background. He has worked hard to prove his self worth and frankly the idea of looking dumb in front of a bunch of strangers terrifies him. Can someone please give me an idea of what we can expect tomorrow. I know some of you have already make this step.

GT, I know you were having a problem with your husband wanting you to do his homework. Did he have this much anxiety?

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Hey Sondra,
Congratulations!!!! I am so excited for you guys :0)
I can totally relate to what you asked about your hubby, my hubby also has a fear about reading in front of crowds ( he hates it... he wont even read aloud in Sunday school :0)
Tell your hubby not to worry. In my class when the S.W. wants something read they ask for volunteers and usually the women will take turns and read everything. Your social worker probably won't have read aloud sessions too often ( we have done them 3x... maybe) they have so much to cover and so little time. In my class the things we read out loud are things they want us to REALLY understand, like the discipline policy. You will be surprised at how much "road work" ( take home to read ) you will have. In class they will try to hit on the most important things to them. For ex: Alt. ways to displine, process/stages of grief, process of foster to adoption, Attachment and loss how it effects the child and how it will affect you AND THE BIGGIE..STRENGTH AND NEEDS ( of the adoptiveparents and the child) In the first class be prepared to introduce yourself to the class and explain why you are interested in adoption...In our first class they gave us a piece to a puzzle and we had to find someone in the room who had the mate.... then we had to introduce ourselves to the "mate" as if they were our child and it was our first time meeting him/her. Then we had to introduce our "child" to the class and our "child" had to introduce us.
They will do alot of role playing where the class will actively participate ( so you really understand what the child has been thru ).
My hubby was nervous at first also, until he started the class and started making friends with the other guys there. Now he lokks forward to going :0) ( and he has gotten better with his homework, thank God).

But anyway.... tell the hubby to relax, he will have a ball.
Also if your class appoints people to read aloud and you think they are going to call on your hubby tell them you would like to read it because he doesnt care for reading aloud ( thats what my hubby does and they respect that ).

Good luck and God Bless...
let me know how the classes go.

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Originally Posted By Jerry

There's bound to be some anxiety here. GT described the class setting pretty well. Most of anything we were asked to read was very short, and in most cases the caseworker gives "hints" as to when the reading will occur. Being "put on the spot" is all part of being a special needs adoptive parent. I used to be a lot like your husband, not wanting to put myself in a position where I could be embarassed. Not that much bothers me anymore. Your husband sounds like a pretty decent guy who wants to try and make a difference in a child's life. Sounds like he has a lot to offer!! Stay focused on that. The behaviors that we're asked to help manage with some of the children can really rattle our lives. HOW WE REACT TO THESE UNPLEASENT SITUATIONS is a measure of our commitmant to these children and the permanency that our family offers. I'm not saying your dh is not commited because he doesn't want to be embarrased. I guess I've just gotten used to the fact that I can still do some pretty dumb(embarrassing things) , and if I forget I end up reminding myself. Focus on the children!
There's a lot of good ole soul searching you have to do to get through the class. All kinds of folks opt to adopt, and you'll have a chance to make great freindships in your class. If nothing else ask dh to talk to the caseworker and explain his fears. If that doesn't work bring the dog!!!!

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Speak to the worker and let them know this in advance. It really isn't that big of a deal. Some of us with loud mouths talked and read the most. Others spoke up when they had a question or something to offer. Your husband will be surprised at how easy it is to get involved in the class because the topics are of great interest and you kind of form a bond with the group. In our classes, everyone brought something for breakfast for the group like homemade muffins or orange juice. Several of the guys in class were good cooks so they catered lunch for us and everyone paid five dollars for great food and conversation and we could work through lunch. Our classes were all day one day each week for five weeks. Much of the paperwork is done at home. The role playing and discusions take up most of the classes. If he doesn't feel comfortable reading aloud, this shouldn't pose a problem, especially if he makes this known in advance. Just tell him to participate in the discussions and not to worry. Those classes are so informative. Good Luck!