[crick]

I admit it....I'm feeling sorry for myself, my heart hurts for my daughter and just needed to get this out.

My daughter and I were driving home yesterday and she started to talk about missing her bmom and she wonders what bmom is going to be for Halloween. Nothing new here, so we talked about bmom and the usual "it's okay to miss her" etc. and then she got quiet and I could tell she wanted to say something but couldn't seem to say it. I prodded a bit and she said "It's just that I love her more than you."

Can I just say "OUCH!"?

I told her that was okay and that she didn't need to love us the same way. She said "well, I like you more but I just still love her more." We got home and I talked a bit more with her and hope I said all the right things to help her understand that her love for bmom is good and I'm okay with that. But...as soon as I could, I went up to my room to cry. Then of course, I felt guilty about that because in that moment, I was crying over my feelings and not for her. Makes me feel like the most awful mom.

I hurt for her and am angry my 6 year old has to deal with these torn feelings but nonetheless, that's a reality of raising "our" kids. It's just today, my logical thinking is out the window and I'm feeling sorry for everything, me, her, even the darn stray cat who keeps coming around and marking my yard!

Ah...so tomorrow's another day, isn't that what we always say?
Crick

[mckenna]

dont feel like a bad mom for crying, that would devistate anyone. now if you had said, you don't love that woman who did xy & z, you should love me more, then you might have something to feel bad about.

hang in there. just by her feeling comfortable enough to say that to you shows how much she loves and respects you.

[echaos]

Awww Crick, (((((((HUG))))))))),

I'm sorry your having such a rough day. I think you did just fine! Have a cup of tea, regroup.

[spaypets]

Crick, never feel guilty about privately crying over your hurt feelings. You said the right things to your daughter and she will be the stronger for it. (and I bet when she's 26, she'll realize what an amazing amom she has!).

((hugs))

[riley6]

You're NOT an awful mom, you're a VERY loving mom. If you didn't love her with your whole heart, it wouldn't have hurt so much!

You deserve to have a cry. Don't feel guilty for it!

(((((((((hugs)))))))))

[tybeemarie]

Crick,

You are an AWESOME mom. You said just the right things, in a loving, very self-sacrificing way. I think going to cry privately was very natural and healthy. And you hurt because you do love your child so much. As other posters have said, she shared this with you because she trusts you so much, and she knows you love her unconditionally. Her love for you will only grow and grow. That said, I know that had to really, really hurt. ((((((Hugs)))))))

[dadfor2]

aw crick88

i feel your pain, and who ever said "stick and stones...but words can never hurt"...had no idea what they were talking about

im glad you went to your room and had a good cry..sometimes we just need to do that.

nothing you said was wrong, actually you said all the write things, but i know how vulnerable our kids can make us.

your right...tomorrow is another day.....probably not what you wanted to hear.

I have had those days, when everything just seems so sad, the kids, my life, our life, etc....and it boils up and it all pours out....

ill be thinking of you and your daughter, and that poor stray cat....are you sneaking and feeding him behind your husbands back?..

or maybe the cat is thinking...if i stick around long enough, she might feel sorry for me and invite me in.

anyway, sometimes we just need a good cry..our feelings do get hurt...we are human! Hand in there....your daughter is still young, she knows who is taking care of her and why....its those fantasies that keep our kids stuck.

dadfor2

[Opus]

Hey Crick,

I agree with what everyone has said. Isn't this a great place to come to when you're feeling down and need support?

Not only are you a great mom but a wise one, too. You said all the right things while validating your daughter's feelings. And don't feel guility about crying. We all need to every now and then, even dads.

[crick]

Thanks for the hugs and support! I needed it!

Like you all say, my mind knows and understands the situation, but emotionally I felt like a mack track hit me. I've gotten a few comments in anger but those slide off. "I wish you weren't my mom" etc. when mad at me for making her clean her room or whatever. But, this being a true heartfelt statement just hit me differently. And then feeling guilty for being so emotional for ME and not for her. Sometimes it feels like we have to be superparents and do it 200% of the time to try and make up for their pasts and yet, I know it's not realistic at all. Some days the dog does bite, as we all know.

Dad - No, I've NOT been feeding that darn cat! LOL! That's the last thing I need, with 4 kids, 2 dogs, a kitty, my son's dead worm collection that I keep throwing out and he keeps making a new one, and a husband who insists on eating MY chocolate that I've taken great pains to hide and yet he still manages to find it. No, that darn cat would be too much. Awfully cute cat though....

Thanks again, especially since it's not something most of my friends would understand.

Okay, so off my soapbox and time to hide some chocolate
Crick

[mj77]

Crick, what a good mom you are handling your dd's statement the way you did. I think your reaction was just fine. A good mom takes some time every now and then and has a good cry, JMHO. Take care.

[Just Julie]

crick 88, I just want to say I agree with the previous posts. There is nothing wrong with a good cry and it is great that she felt comfortablew sharing her thoughts with you. Now enlist her help in coming up with a couple of great Halloween costumes for you and for her!

[LoveRiddenDad]

Crick,

You're raising a child who will someday realize there are different ways of loving people just as much, and she'll realize there's only one person to thank. DO NOT feel ashamed to feel sad, but you should feel very HAPPY because of what you've done.

Mike

[dadfor2]

crick

try the cabinet above the washer machine....thats a good place to hide secret 'treats'...i bet he wont look there...lol

as for the dead worms...well, be grateful, my son loves the live ones...at first it was a no no...but i thought "what the harm" so we made a worm farm. I mean, what can a few live worms do?

well, unbeknown to me, he decided to put a spider in there...but with the spider, came her egg.

to my surprise when i went in his room to feed his gold fish, i saw all this strange dust on his dresser...as i looked closer, it was all these little spiders that squezzed their way out of the worm farm....it seemed like 100's of them....

thank god i caught them when i did....

needless to say...the worms were sent back home....OUTSIDE!!

now he wants an 'ant farm' because he saw it on TV....thats all i need.....lol

the funny thing, he had no problem feeding the worms leaves and grass...but to get him to feed that darn gold fish...havnt figured that one out yet.

hope your feeling better today

dadfor2

[Lorraine123]

You know what crick - I think it say a lot about what a great mom you are that your daughter feels secure enough to be honest with you. In order for her to say something that significant from her heart takes stability and trust on her part. You have given her that. Congrats.

[kmalay]

I can only imagine how it felt to hear those words, but the one thing that hit me is she may think and or feel she loves her bmom more, but just the fact that she felt safe enough to tell you this shows she trusts you and that in itself is a form of great love and probably something she wouldn't have even considered doing with her bmom. These poor kids go through so much at a young age it is sad they even think they have to think in these terms. Don't feel bad for being sad. It is always hard to hear that someone you love doesn't love you as much as you do them, but I think you are deeper in her heart than she may even know.